??'? ??? ?'? ???????? ?? > ??????? ?????

Ruby

     Walking home was something I enjoyed, well, it was something I enjoyed when school was 10 minutes away. Now I found myself trekking 40 minutes from Tommen then to Oscars créche then to my house.

I'd been at Tommen a week and I'd only managed to go in for three days, Oscar was off with a bug on Wednesday and Thursday so I had to stay with him, we both made it into school today. Mam hasn't been much help in a while and I haven't seen dad since June. He was an engineer on one of those big cargo ships that went away for months at a time. He wasn't due to be back until November, I was glad.

Oscar chatted away about his day at school while he strolled alongside me with his hand in mine. I was listening to him while I held a cigarette to my lips, I could only wish to be that young again. Oscar was in first class, and he loved it. I'd never seen him so happy. He'd always been quiet, we never heard a word out of him until he was two and a half, now he only speaks to me and I guess he talks in school sometimes. He barely knows dad, and mam can't bear to look at either of us.

"All the lads say I'm the best rugby player on our team. And Johnny and Patrick say I've gotten a lot better over the summer." He explained. He was telling the truth, he was exceptionally good at rugby for his age, he takes after his older brother in the athletic field. I thank god every day that he didn't pick hurling as his sport, it would have given mam another reason to not be able to look at her own son. And another reason for Dad to take up more time away at sea. 'We were the image of Rian' they told us. Brown hair, green eyes, tanned skin, tall, and an amazing life ahead of us. If only they knew that 'life' was only 19 years for him.

"You've got rugby tonight?" I questioned.

"Yep, 5 o'clock." He stated, checking his invisible watch.

I however did have a watch and it read 4:28. I knew by the time we got home, it would be a quick change and straight back out the door.

"Ms. Keogh says smoking is bad for you." Oscar pointed out. I rolled my eyes, Ms. Keogh was Rian's first class teacher and she was mine and now she's Oscar's. She loved Rian, hated me, and loves Oscar.

"What Ms. Keogh doesn't know would fill a warehouse" I told him, taking another drag of my cigarette.

When we rounded the corner of the estate, Oscar took off in a hurry to greet the usual crowd of kids who play out on the road. And eventually he followed me inside where I had laid out his rugby gear on his bed. After he was changed, I had to practically force him to eat a yoghurt and he did so in less than 20 seconds before he raced out the door again. It was now 4:52 and if we hurried we could make it there on time. I focused on getting Oscar out the door, rather than how mams door was locked and her car was still in the driveway.

"Come on, Oscar." I called, when he stopped to chat to his friends on the road again. Begrudgingly, he said bye and followed me.

I guess Oscar had talked to his limit today, because when I asked him anything he just shrugged or gave one word answers. I was glad because I really didn't have it in me to talk to anyone right now.

When we arrived at the local rugby club, it was only 5:03. Good time for us. I knelt down in front of Oscar to help him put his gloves on and tie his laces.

"I'm gonna go to the shop and get some dinner, yeah?" I asked, making sure he was okay here on his own. He nodded, but he seemed distracted by something behind us. I assumed it was his friends already kicking a ball around.