Losing Game - DRAFT VERSION

Aᴜᴛʜᴏʀs Nᴏᴛᴇ:

I was bored and decided to rewrite my first work posted in AO3.
For raincheck8, and Samuel152.

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Sᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ:
Spinel didn't lose the game because she had strong hopes for Pink Diamond... so let's put out that hope and see what happens.
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All gems obey.

Spinel is no different from them. At the moment, she's obeying what feels like the most important, most special task of all.

To stand very– no, perfectly still for her Diamond.

The Diamonds are an exception. They don't exist to obey, but to direct. And if you're lucky, they can also express respect for you. Extra points if they express love for you! But that's something Spinel keeps to herself.

It's not against any rules, at least from what Spinel knows, but even a playful spinel like her knows what needs to be piped down, and when she should listen. That doesn't mean she likes it, though.

Sometimes, she gets this ugly feeling, this urge to do the opposite of what she's told. To become loud and expressive of her feelings. She knows this feeling is wrong, so she doesn't ever comply. But it scares her that she occasionally even thinks about it.

Fortunately, it's easy to ignore that feeling whenever she's with her own beautiful Diamond.

Pink Diamond.

Spinel loves her very much. With all her heart. And, to her relief, her Diamond is not opposed to her amount of expressiveness. In fact, she acts almost like her! They're both playful, enjoy humor, and prefer to express softness and care for the gems they love.

Her Diamond is the reason she can feel like herself. Therefore, she cherishes every single moment of her, about her, with her, anything just her. And sometimes... most of the time, she cherishes moments of them... together. As in... just the two of them... on equal ground.

Which sounds impossible, she knows it is impossible. So it's impossible to even express it to the person she's very close to... and yet, it's a fear that doesn't make her scared for once. Instead, she feels something else.

Hope.

She doesn't exactly know what she's hoping for. Even if she tries very hard to imagine what it's like, she couldn't think of anything specific. But she knows that every possible scenario is lovely, and each one brings her joy.

She is still hoping to this day.

...But...

That feeling is fading.

It's getting difficult to hope the longer she spends her hours... alone. She can't hope for scenarios with the gem she loves if the gem she loves is not even next to her!

At times like this, if hope ever feels faint, Spinel lightens it up with optimism. If she can't put faith in the future, she can at least think positively of the present. Smell the pollen, admire the butterflies, praise the roses. But... it's not long till the butterflies die, rot fills her nose, and the roses overgrown into thorns.

She tries. She tries very hard to be optimistic, to be hopeful, to have faith in her Diamond. To keep her love burning.

But, like quicksand, dread envelopes her.