(NEW) smiling critters

after a while, Dylan was done with his food and offered to walk Neil home, which he hesitantly accepted. he was always terrified of any of his friends or their families finding out what his home life was like. he knew it wasn't the best, especially since his older brother Godfrey had a lot of fosters, none of which liked Neil that much. he knew that anyone outside looking in would only see the bad and try to separate him from godfrey, but Godfrey was the only family Neil had left, if they were separated, Neil would be heartbroken. so his friends would stay ignorant to his home life, just so he could stay with Godfrey. Dylan and Neil had interlaced their paws and were as close as they could be to each other as they walked back to his house. they were usually really physical with each other, but tended to tone it down a bit when they were in public, the most they were willing to go was holding hands. they were both super big cuddlers, so they were pretty much perfect for each other. all too soon, they reached neil's house and had to separate.
“I know I'll see you at school tomorrow, but like, can't you convince your brother to let you stay another night?” Dylan asked emotionally as he hugged Neil tighter.
the American shorthair gently pushed his best friend away. ‘i don't want to burden Georgia, and besides, we’ll see each other at a school. you said that yourself.’
“i know but like- can i come inside so we can spend just a little longer together; please?”
‘i think you know the answer to that.’
“yea,” Dylan sighed disappointedly.
‘but you can have this,’ Neil signed before rubbing his head on Dylan's neck, leaving the cocker spaniel with a generous amount of his scent. he seemed to be satisfied with that, only giving Neil a hug in return before cheerfully prancing off back to his house. Neil purred to himself as he went inside, only to immediately be met with the usual noise of his house.
“Neil! you're late, where the hell were you for that long?!” one of the fosters marched up to him and yelled as soon as he shut the door. before he could raise his paws to respond, the foster grabbed them and squeezed them as hard as they could.
“with your words!”
“i had breakfast with my friend,” Neil muttered just barely loud enough for the foster to hear as he attempted to free his paws from their tightening grip.
“would Godfrey like that?”
“i dunno, go ask him.”
“fine, maybe I will,” the foster snarled before they finally let go of Neil and stormed off to the staircase, presumably to go complain to Godfrey. Neil sighed and flexed his paws before shuffling up to his room and laying in bed. he hated living with all the fosters. he got that they were dealing with their own stuff and coping with the fact they were in foster care in the first place, but did they have to take it out on him? he sighed to himself as he got up to go get a sip of water.
speaking of water, did he shower yet? even if he did, it couldn't hurt to take another. as soon as he got his water, he quickly checked the cupboard for towels, and once he verified that the upstairs bathroom was clear on towels, he reluctantly began taking off his clothes to shower, trying his best to not make eye contact with the mirror, knowing he’d only have even more trouble choking back that nauseous lump in his throat that having to talk to the foster gave him. he only really felt comfortable talking to Godfrey, anyone else made him feel like he was going to vomit, so he just didn't; or at least tried, since some of the fosters always forced him to use his words despite Godfrey teaching them sign. And besides, his english had never matured past his kittenhood, so it was probably easier for them to understand him signing rather than speaking. once his shorts were off and all the clothing that was touching his fur was his boxers, he finally broke and glanced at the sad excuse for a cat in the mirror.
the new and old cuts going up his legs, torso, and shoulders like they were supposed to be a ladder, the large indent where his diaphragm was, and finally, the matted purple fur that coated all of it. he just kept staring and criticizing himself for every little physical imperfection that he had. he hated his body and how it acted. he just wished he could be normal and not want to throw up every time he tried talking, or be able to take the bullshittery that the fosters gave him all the time, or not see his body as this disgusting mess of muscle and bone. he quickly pressed his paws on his fresh cuts to snap himself out of it before he took a step out of the frame of the mirror to take off his boxers and get in the tub.
as soon as the water was on and to the temperature he liked, he felt as it ran down his skin and over every fresh incision on his body, making them burn like fire. he ignored it as he pumped a bit of shampoo into his paw and rubbed it into his hair before getting a pump of conditioner and working it into the lower part of his hair. once he was done making sure the soap properly cleaned his scalp he leaned his head under the water and gently massaged it all out, feeling the soap rush past his cuts and making them burn more, making him take a pained breath in as he delt with it. if he didn't want to feel like a hot grate was being pressed on his shoulders, torso, and legs, every time he showered, then maybe he should think twice before cutting. but who was he kidding, no he wouldn't.
now for the worst part, washing his body. he hated this for pretty obvious reasons. Nevertheless, he got a pump of body wash out of the bottle and rubbed the gelatinous substance on as much of his body as he could before briefly stepping into the shower water and stepping out so the soap would lather up and allow him to clean all the skin under his fur properly. it felt like all his fresh cuts were third degree burns instead of little incisions. it made him have to actively breathe so he didn't start wincing and seething from the pain.
once the soap was properly worked into his fur, he tried to slow his breathing as much as he could before standing under the water and letting it all wash down the drain, stained pink from all the blood. wait, blood?! he must've been too rough. he let the water run down his body for a little longer so the most of the blood could flow down his body and into the drain before he got out and grabbed a small black rag he used to blot off any blood that he accidentally drew from showering off enough that it didn't get on the towel he was using. once he got enough blood off himself, he wrapped a towel around his waist and quickly checked if there was anyone outside before darting to his room.
once he was in his room and the door was locked, he sat at his desk and stared at the claw marks engraved into the wood. he has tried to tell Godfrey that he needed a new claw sharpener, but he never got one, so he had started using any and all wood furniture in his room as a sub. it even got to a point where he started using trees when he and his friends were at the park or playground. he really needed a new claw sharpener. but nevermind that, he had to dry his fur and put some clothes on.
he began trying to squeeze any water out of his fur and hair until he was satisfied and believed it was enough to not get his clothes soaked. he got dressed before laying in his bed and contemplating what he was gonna do for the next god knows how long. he instinctively reached over to the head board on his bed and began sharpening his claws on it. he really shouldn't, but what else did he have to sharpen them?
“Neil, you're helping make dinner!” one of the fosters suddenly began pounding on his door, making him flinch so hard that he nearly chipped off a chunk of wood from his bed frame. he got up and made sure the cuts on his shoulders were hidden before leaving his room and going to the kitchen and seeing the same foster standing there in front of the stove waiting for him.
“finally, c’mon. you start cooking the meat while i chop the vegetables. don't be slow,” the foster told him as they pointed to the package of meat sitting on the counter. Neil grabbed a pan and a spatula before cutting the meat free and plopping it on the large metal plate as he turned the stove on. he began chopping up the meat with the spatula as the foster started cutting the veggies just a few inches away. they wordlessly continued cooking dinner. once it was finally done, Neil and the foster had portioned everything out for the rest of the fosters and Godfrey.
they knew he wouldn't come down to eat with them, so they made Neil take a plate of food up to him. as he ascended the staircase with a plate of food for his brother, he couldn't help but worry for Godfrey. he didn't remember the last time he saw Godfrey out of his room since they moved into this house. since he had the master bathroom, he didn't think he ever did. but neil knew what Godfrey was going through after mom had passed away.
he never fully recovered from the ordeal, and that caused him to stay locked in his room and not come out and left Neil all alone; well, that and his new job. it even got to a point where Godfrey had to have his friends buy groceries for him and just pay them back. godfrey’s declining mental health had basically forced Neil to raise himself. most kids would argue he has a good childhood, he gets to do whatever he wants. he can stay up really late, go out to see friends whenever he wants, and eat ice cream for dinner with no punishment, but all he yearned for was Godfrey to be in his life; to be a proper guardian.
it got so lonely in the house by himself, and the fosters didn't help. some of them were civil enough, and some were very hostile. he very vividly remembers when one of the fosters had forced his head into the wall of his bedroom so hard that his head started bleeding and it put a hole in the wall. he ended up going to godfrey about it, and while Godfrey didn't punish the foster that did that, he did bandage neil's head and let him spend the night in his room. Neil would've been happy to see the foster get some kind of repercussion for that, but then again, that foster had left within the week anyway, so at least Neil didn't have to see him again.
after what felt like an eternity of walking, Neil finally reached godfrey's room and knocked on the door.
“Godfrey, it's Neil. i have your dinner,” he called so his brother would hopefully hear. for some reason, Godfrey only ever spoke to him in dutch. he knew that Godfrey spoke English, it’s where he sort of learned how to speak it other than mom, but at one point in neil's life, he just stopped speaking English unless he had to and Neil eventually forgot what Godfrey sounded like in English.
“door’s unlocked, you can go get your food and eat in here if you want.”
Neil smiled as he went back downstairs to get his plate before rushing back upstairs and opening godfrey's door.
“pull up a chair,” Godfrey told him as he set down godfrey’s food on his desk. Neil grabbed one of the fold-up chairs against godfrey's wall and unfolded it before sitting down. they ate together in near silence, other than the piano music that was playing on godfrey's laptop.
“how was your sleepover?” Godfrey suddenly asked.
“it was good, how about your work?”
“good.”
more silence as they continued to eat while someone beautifully played piano in the background.
“do you need help with homework?”
“no, i got it.”
“come to me if you do need help.”
“ok.”
even if Neil needed help, he wouldn't dare go to Godfrey. he didn't know why; maybe a part of him was scared of Godfrey for some reason. Call it anxiety, call it something from his childhood he doesn’t remember for whatever reason, but neil didn’t care enough to learn more. after another bout of silence, the boys finished their food and Neil took their plates downstairs to wash them. once they were clean and in the drainboard, he went back to his room and laid in his bed, staring at his ceiling before he got a text. he picked up his phone to see a text from dylan.

Guess what u forgot to
text me this morning

Oh shit, sorry

I guess it slipped
my mind in hte shoer

The shower*

Texting you and actually
eating

I only ate dinner today

Dude!

I’m sorry it just slipped
my mind

How does eating
‘slip your mind’?

I don’t know!

I’m sorry really

Don’t apologize, if you
really have trouble with
stuff like remembering
to eat then i won’t hold
shat against you

if you want i could
remind you so eat

It shouldn’t be your job to
worry about me eating, dylan

Thank you but this is
something i have to get over
by myself

Ok

But if that ever changes
lmk and i’ll be right here
every step of the way

Thank you

i’ll keep that in
mind :)

I hope you will or
else i’ll make you
remember

K lol

Neil smiled to himself and put his phone down. It was comforting to know that even if godfrey was keeping him at arms distance, at least dylan was there for him. eventually, after a long while of staring blankly at his ceiling, he decided to plug his phone in, put on his sleep playlist, and go to bed for the night.

2486 words

happy new year! if I remember correctly I said I'd post this chapter next week, but i thought i'd post this early to celebrate 2025. let's hope chapter 4 is as good as 3 was >w<