Grime Music in Cockaigne

Carrying on the tradition started last year, I thought I'd give you some more words of wisdom

Although, this is really less wisdom and more of a reflection in all honesty

You see, New Year's for me have always been about new beginnings and fresh starts and as a part of that belief, something I do annually is try to reach out to people who I have fallen out with over the years in the hopes I can mend bridges with them.

This normally has varying degrees of success but you can't say I haven't attempted to resolve the disputes with them.

But this year, none of the people I reached out to were willing to talk to me, normally at least one person will answer, but this year they haven't.

But I think what's worse is that they all pretty much ghosted me, like they could have at least blocked me or told me to fuck off, but leaving me in suspense like that just hurts that little bit more.

But on the subject of being left on read, I've been ghosted by people who I am genuinely good friends with.

I get New Year's is typically a time for drinking and maybe they felt too drunk to reply or something but it does feel a little disappointing not to at least get some form of reply, even a belated one would be better than none at all.

And then there's the people who are on the verge of becoming strangers to me, the people who I only message on New Year's Day.

Those people who I wish I spoke to more but I never really know how to go about rekindling our friendship because it would be such a bizarre thing to just randomly message them again after years of near enough none existent communication.

These are the people whose lives I observe daily through their social media profiles, yet I really wouldn't know where to begin if I were to try and initiate a conversation with them.

I suppose realistically all New Year really does is act as a stark reminder of how small my circle of friends truly is.

I guess I am just a loner really, but I don't really have any of the social skills needed to make new friends.

And when I do make friends, I'm not very good at maintaining them, my conversations are more irregular than what most people expect from a friendship and so these friendships normally don't last very long.

And it's for all of these reasons (plus a couple others that I won't go into) that New Year's Day is typically one of the most depressing days of the year for me.

I know this tradition is supposed to be about uplifting people and imparting wisdom but honestly I'm really not in a philosophical mood at the moment.

All I really want to do right now is get this burden off my chest and then try to sleep away the depression (it does normally go away after a few days so I wouldn't worry about it if I were you)

But anyway, I hope you're all having a better start to the New Year than I am

Peace and love to you all