1D ? Stories

For l0u_t0mm0

Hi 👋! This is was all too long to put into a comment or a post, so I've put my comments here. Here are all of my suggestions for your 1st No Control series. I've also drafted a new version of 'Liam and Harry Hospital', found at the bottom.

Story 1: No Control

Niall Appendicitis: Edit from 'runs off stage' to the end, add the boys being glad that he's ok, maybe visiting him in the hospital.

Story 2: Long Way Down

Liam Dehydrated: Edit during the show 'couldn't deal with any more setbacks during tour'.

Story 3: End Of The Day

Harry Backstage Cooking Competition: Edit to tidy it up. I really like this story.

Liam Spiked Drink / Overdose (1): Edit name to remove (1). Don't change the overall story, given what's happened, but edit the grammar and improve the way it's telling the story. Have Harry shocked from the start, not rushing to Liam.

Liam and Harry Hospital: Edit. Paul POV, then Harry, then X. Paul tells the boys in a meeting. Need interaction between Paul & Harry when he wakes up, apologising for bringing Harry into the room to see Liam without a pulse. The doctor stays for longer before he goes to check on Liam. Liam gets discharged after 2 days, and the boys & Paul are a lot more worried. See Far Below for my version.

Zayn Fainted: Name edit to, Zayn Fainted During Workout

Louis Seizure (1): Edit rename to have Seizure (4) and Lux injured, also: Seizure (5) and Confession.

Louis Breakdown: Edit we need a small section (maybe at the start of the next story) of Harry freaking out about Louis's words. Paul reassures him, but he comes up with a plan.

Niall Mobbed: Edit to rename to, Niall Mobbed and Knee Injury

Zayn Burnt: Edit to add Zayn actually panicking when he's brought backstage. If it's blistering, Zayn would be in a lot more pain. The medic orders Zayn to go to the hospital.

Zayn's News: Edit "guys, I didn't mean for you guys to react this way".

Louis Seizure (2), love this story as it is ❤ : Edit it a little. Liam seems too calm to be panicking (when he is beside Louis during his seizures). Change the name to Louis Cluster Seizures (6) / Seizure in Lift (6).

Story 4: Love You Goodbye - I recommend a full rewrite

Louis Hospital: Edit mainly for grammar and structure. I liked the part after Louis's EEG and he's back with his mum. Cute!! 💕

Liam Allergic Reaction: Edit to flesh it out and improve. I really like it.

Louis Seizure: Edit to change name to Seizure in hospital canteen.

Harry Meningitis: Don't like it.

Zayn Accident on stage: Edit name to Broken Femur. Edit to flesh it all parts out and separate. Have him do it but unconsciously.

I wrote these as I re-read the story:
2nd story is my least favourite?
3rd is my favourite - End of the Day
I have no connection to part 4. It also feels rushed.

Proposed New Story 4: Love You Goodbye

Louis hospital and boys visit

Finding the right medication

Liam Allergic Reaction - jokes that Louis's poisoned Him, Harry gets help as he falls, Niall catching him. He's stopped breathing. Side, O2, epipen.

Louis discharged. PR, Louis shows off his scar. Joke and have fun. Cold to Zayn.