The Dark Alpha: True Luna

Bryan thought I was asleep when I heard him talking downstairs to his Beta. It was the middle of the night—he said he would come to bed hours ago, but I woke up randomly around two o'clock and heard voices beneath me, coming through the floor. My mood was sour from morning sickness, Bryan's mother had been hovering, Elise was mated, my brother was at war, everything was, well, frustrating.

I got out of bed and onto the floor. My eyes were puffy and dry from crying myself to sleep—something Bryan's mother would always comment on in the morning and try to remedy with pouches of ice. She never asked about the cause. She knew why I looked so miserable and didn't want to talk about it.

On my hands and knees, I put my ear to the wooden boards. I heard Bryan say that it worked; his trick on Theo was successful and Belrose attacked Draven while he was on his way here. I went numb and froze for the better half of a minute, and then I went limp and melted onto the floor like wax. Bryan came upstairs an hour or so later. He asked what I was doing, and when I did nothing but stare at him, he knew. And he said nothing. He got in bed and told me to get off the floor.

Every day after that night I thought about rejection. I wanted to be a Luna, to be needed and useful, and as long as I didn't miscarry again, I would make Bryan happy, and that was enough to keep the words in. Then I lost it like water through my fingers. He consoled me as expected, but I could tell he was getting tired of bad news. Meanwhile, I felt like I was being eaten alive from the inside out.

"Aren't you going to eat?" He asked. We were alone at the dinner table, a rare occurrence.

I picked up my fork and moved it around, but he only stopped watching once I pronged something.

"We should try again."

We haven't mated in weeks at that point. Whenever he tried to, I came up with an excuse not to. First, I wanted to protect the baby, and then I couldn't because I was too upset.

"You'll go into heat soon. The first time you got pregnant, it happened when we mated during your heat, so—"

"You don't know that," I finally spoke. I didn't do that very frequently anymore, at least not to him. "We mated every day that week. We don't know if it was heat that did it."

He ran my tongue over his teeth. "You want to give up then? Is that it?"

"That's not what I said."

"What are you you saying then?"

My lips pulled downward, so I focused on my plate. "Nothing. It's fine. I'll keep..." I felt like I was about to cry and I hated it. "I'll keep trying."

My voice broke. Bryan dropped his silverware with a clatter and wiped his hands down his face, muttering into his palms. "All you do is cry," he said once his hands slipped off.

"Because it's hard."

"Being leaders of a pack is hard, Alexa—I don't know what to tell you."

I sniffled, still keeping my head down. "What if I can't?"

"You can't be Luna?" He questioned, sounding fed up.

"No." I looked at him then. "What if I can't have a baby?"

"Why would you say that?"

"Because it's been three times now!"

He banged his fist on the table and the silverware and dishware rattled. "Don't yell at me. I know how many times it's been."

Tears streamed from my eyes in droves. "Then why are you doing this to me?"

"What am I supposed to do? Let my pack die?"