Aftermath

Erin's POV

Without hesitation, I take him and myself by surprise as my mouth covers his. His bed breath is warm and tastes like everything I've been craving and never been able to satisfy since we parted. 

As my skin rubs against his fresh stubble, I moan as every emotion I have ever felt for him resurfaces. I'd liken it to a hormonal explosion I cannot stop.

As shocked as we both are by my actions, I couldn't contain it anymore. And Ashley wastes no time thrusting his tongue in my mouth and pushing against me with his sudden excitement.

Within seconds our mouths are moving fast, both of us as equally charged. It's a year of pent-up sexual frustration being let loose. A kiss at this point could never be enough to tame the passions raging inside of us. He wants me just as much as I need and want every part of him.

Self-control is something I've always prided myself on, but right now, control is something I don't have. My body is speaking in all the ways my mouth is unable to do.

I dared not think of this moment. But now that it's upon us, I let my concerns and pride go as I push him back on my double bed; he lands with a soft bounce as the headboard slams into the wall. 

Just the sight of him on my bed and ready to go, has me untying the belt on my dressing gown to show him just how serious I am right now.

As my gown falls open, exposing all of me, Ashley's lust filled eyes swell. And I waste not one single second making my move as my knees dig into the mattress and climb on top of him. To say I have missed this is an understatement. More often than not, I think of the few times we had together and how outstanding he was as a lover. 

As our mouths slam together and our tongues connect, his hand trails up the curve of my hip before he wraps it around my waist and flips me over onto the mattress. The firmness of him hard against me makes me lose my breath.

But it's the moment his knee pushes between my thighs and his wet tongue slides down my throat, that a moan escapes from my mouth, coming out much louder than expected.

 My body shudders and my fingers dig into his back. I'm ready and he knows it.

"Jeez!" The sound of a third voice has me looking up in a sudden panic to see Simone in the doorway. "If you two are gonna fuck, at least have the decency to shut door."

The door slams shut, and I let out a deflated sigh. My head hits the mattress, and my eyes connect with the ceiling. Chaos erupts within me. Her disruption has not completely doused the sexual heat flowing through me, but it has cleared my sex crazed brain enough to be embarrassed and torn by what I'm doing.

How the hell do we proceed when I know it will only lead to more heartbreak. Yet, having him so close and knowing he wants me as much as I want him is torture. I want to be with him too, but if I do, it would be a huge step backwards.

Yet finding the strength to put an end to what's happening will not be easy, especially when Ashley's mouth covers mine and he attempts to recapture the mood and moment that was lost to us.

But as much as I want this to continue, I can't allow it to. Every inch of my body quivers with disapproval as I pull away from him. 

I take in his confused expression as he stares down at me. "Don't look at me like I've just stole something away from you," I whisper.

"That's because you did—our chance at—"

"Stop!" I interrupt him. "It's not happening. I need to get dressed and go talk to Simone—she's angry."

He gapes at me, his lovely blue eyes pleading for me to be true to myself and my desires. "Who cares what she thinks, Erin. We both want this. You know I'm right so don't even attempt to hide it anymore, not after that."

Oh god, he's so fucking right- right now it's confusing the hell out of me.

And yet, that little bit of common sense in the back of my head tells me I shouldn't do it. Because it will change everything and I'm not looking for change with him or with anyone.

And when Ashley leaves, like I know he will; I'll be little more than a fool, for opening myself up to him and letting this happen to me again.

Do I really want to do that to myself.

Not to mention what Simone will tell Mia and Mia will tell her brother, Zach. Oh God, Zach. This will hurt him. It could even ruin my friendship with both him and Mia, even Simone. Am I willing to lose my best friends over a sexual encounter that's going nowhere?

I shake my head. "I'm sorry. But I can't risk this causing bigger issues when we're not getting back together."

Ashley pulls a face as if he is trying to make sense of what I'm saying, doing.

I understand it, thought; one minute I want him and the next I'm pushing him away. So I don't blame him for my indecisiveness.

And no doubt by tonight when I'm calm and sex isn't the only thing on my mind, I might be thankful Simone appeared when she did and ruined my chance of having hot sex with him.

He climbs off me, mumbling something under his breath as he steps off the bed.

I look down at my open gown that's showing off my exposed breasts and pull it closed. With a deep breath, I push up from the bed, wrapping my gown around my body.

"That was a mistake. And it will never go any further than what just happened," I say already second guessing myself. Even my body is in protest, telling me to shut up and let this play out as we both want.

Ashley's lip twitches as he throws his arm out at his side. "A mistake. Seriously." he frowns. "I know you love me, Erin. You can pretend you don't, but I know otherwise."

"Right. Because in the short time we were together, loving you turned out to be one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. You seriously think I have any interest in putting myself through that again."

His eyes narrow in on mine. "I'm not talking about what happened. I'm talking about what you feel for me. And If you love me as much as you say you did, then it never leaves you... no matter how much you pretend you're into that other dickhead."

"That other dickhead!" I bite back.

"Yeah, you know that shit stirring dickhead who's intent on provoking me. And if he keeps it up, you can tell him from me, that he's gonna end up with more than a beat down."

"I'm not telling him anything. You just can't stand the thought of him liking me too."

"Liking you," Ashley hits his chest, "I fucking love you! And I want us together. "

"See," I throw my hands out at my sides. "This is the exact reason we shouldn't see each other."

"Yeah, because you refuse to face up to what you're feeling." Then he storms around the bed, heading for the door. "I'll take that shower now."

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