The game of us

Sam

So here it is. The day has finally come. My application for H&W has been accepted. I'll be joining their Biochemistry division as a fellow Research Assistant by the end next month. And the university has also agreed to let me complete the rest of my degree online, from New York.

It took them three long, grueling weeks to reply. I almost gave up on this even though Theo kept brushing his loving arm against my head telling me "don't worry Sam, they're never gonna find a better profile than yours. They will come begging for you." Every time I panicked. Which was, every time.

When I did not have this acceptance letter, all I wanted was this. But when I have it open in my laptop and it is staring right back at me, a train of mixed emotions is running riots through me. Why do I suddenly feel so scared? Maybe because this time I really don't have an option but to move to a different corner of the country? Maybe. Maybe, because  now I have to accept the fact that I'll leaving everyone very far behind and will have to start a new life, completely by myself by the end of next month?

I'll have leave my family, my little brother, Becky, Theo behind.

Theo.

The thought that I'll have to leave him behind is just straight up eating me from inside out. I feel suffocated at the thought.

And he isn't comfortable either.  Even though he supported me and kissed me every time I panicked about the delay of the letter, I knew deep down he was trying his best to suppress the hurt. He knew the moment the letter arrives, we'll be nothing but a ticking time bomb.

Our lives, so different and so far apart, the moment we go to different corners of the country, we might lose contact forever. I can't expect him to call me and text me every time once he becomes a full time professional soccer star. And neither will I have the time to do the same with my work and studies throughout the week.

I even checked out the MLS calendars, they have games on weekends. That means when I'll be free, he'll be travelling and playing. And when he'll be resting and recovering, I'll be multitasking like a maniac.

It's basically means breakup. Me and Theo? We'll be done before we know it. And it is taking every ounce of willpower in me to not break down right here, right now in this cafe, in front of Becky.

"Sam! Don't stress it, okay?" She rubs her hand against my shoulder.

"But.....it is so difficult Becky. I'm really into him so much that it is physically hurting me to think about moving away! A whole new city, two thousand miles away! A new life, new people, new surroundings, and without you and him! How will I manage?" I whisper, almost choking on my tears.

"Sam. One step at a time? Okay? Have you told him yet?"

"No."

"What? It has been three days since this arrived and you haven't told him yet? Sam!" She scolds me. Rightly so.

"I don't how to!" The guilt in my voice overshadows.

"What do you mean 'how to'? Then what is your plan? Pack your bags and just ghost him one fine day?" She scolds me again. She's right. I'm really being a bitch right now and Theo doesn't deserve this.

"Now don't be upset if he's mad at you. He has every right to BE mad at you Sam. Go sit with him, tell the whole thing and spend time with him. Talk things out! The more you delay it, the more It'll break both of your hearts."