Azura Madison
"One."
"Two."
"Three."
"Four," I hissed, imagining it stung more.
"Five." I tried my best to be rough as the last spanks came down on my ass.
The palm of my right hand burned a red hue but my ass didn't sting, or throb. Nor did it burn as much as I desired. The heat radiated from my sensitive skin did nothing to suggest any lasting sensation so I quickly sat down, pressing onto my bed to relish in the rapidly decreasing "pain" I gifted myself.
I could never take it as far as I dreamed of. I was never able to inflict that kind of sadistic pain that forced tears to burn in my eyes and stream down my face as my stomach dipped in pleasure and my inner thighs became a mess of need. I never brought myself to any agonizing sobs begging to stop while wanting more; so much more.
I whined feeling my stomach tighten at the idea.
And certainly, I have never passed out like I have fantasized about. Floating on clouds of wanton extremes that subdued the tinge of shame that circulated my awareness. In that state, I imagined I would be smoothed-brained and blissful.
"Gosh," I murmured under a strained breath.
I rubbed my legs together as arousal surged through my veins, my heart quickened with each breath, my body rose in temperature warming my skin, and the residue of my masochistic appetite flooded between my thighs.
I wanted to lose my voice, as I trembled under someone's brutal treatment of my body. Holding me down to take everything from me because they decided I was worthy. Selfishly using her for their cruel pleasure only.
A shaky breath slipped past my slightly parted lips when my nipples hardened under the thin tank top I wore, so tight that I moaned.
But once again, not one of those things happened tonight and no one was here to soothe me after fictitious pain and pleasures. No marks— teeth imprints, bruises, or hickeys littered my skin to remind me what happened. As a token. A trophy I could parade in the mirror or for them to see. I sat alone in my room listening to the leaves rustle in the gusts of wind. Rain was promised tonight, but I wasn't able to shed any of my tears.
After the slight discomfort subsided, I grabbed my soft, white body pillow, and laid on my side hugging it. I didn't bother to check for any welts because I would be disappointed like I have always been before. I knew that, so I stared at my beautifully decorated wall I took time to create until my eyes started to close and sleep took me to a much more peaceful place.
***
A deafening roll of thunder abruptly woke me in the middle of the night. My heart was racing as I sat up swiftly clutching my chest. Heavy rain was beating against my windows and the whistling wind made the branches of oak trees tap on the glass.
My breaths slowed when I realized what the sounds were and I lost all control of my body falling back onto the bed. As my head hit my pillow and my eyes closed again, I took a breath that constricted and I started to cough abruptly. My throat was dry and my head thumped faintly.
Water. I need water.
I looked over at my phone to check the time. The once-dark screen is illuminated with digitized red numbers. Four am, it read before it flashed the world map showing a pin in the state I lived. I groaned knowing it was time to get up anyway, so I unwrapped myself from the fluffy blanket to start my day.
Hygiene, warm lemon water, light breakfast, and then I would run until my legs were jelly so that I would collapse when I came back home. After another two hours of sleep, I peeled myself from the floor to eat my second breakfast that I made before my run. I took a shower before I wasted the day until I had to get ready to go to work at seven.
