Every Part of Us

It's been two days since the party on Friday, I've been completely drowning in homework which was my perfect excuse to stay in. Between that and my usual rotation of music, books, and movies, I haven't exactly been in the mood to go out. Friday felt like it drained every ounce of social energy I had, which, let's be real, wasn't much to begin with.

Mom's been around more than usual, even asking me for book recommendations the other day. She seems better, which is nice after the hetic week. Dad's been calling every day, checking in, making lame jokes. He seems good, which makes me happy- mostly. There's still this tiny bit of bitterness I can't quite shake.

I felt bad declining Hannah's invitations to hang out, though. She's been texting me nonstop, apologizing for ditching me at the party, even though I keep telling her it's not a big deal. She shouldn't stress about it, but I can't help but feel guilty for not making more of an effort to reassure her.

This morning, my grandparents decided to head to the food market and dragged Erika along with them. Mom made breakfast before disappearing back into her room, texting to make sure I ate. Once I did, Iheaded back upstairs. But once I laid on my bed, five seconds in boredom hit.

So I figured I'd get some fresh air and check out the record store downtown, the one we passed the day we got her. New CDs and a break from doing nothing? Seemed like a win-win for my sanity and my music collection.

———

It was cloudy today, the grass still damp from yesterday's rain. It only took me ten minutes to walk to the center of town, but I regretted it almost immediately. The streets were packed with people, and restaurants and cafés were crammed with people spilling out onto patio tables. Seeing so many people out almost made me want to turn around and go back home. But the record store was already in sight, and from where I stood, it looked pretty empty.

The bell above the door jingled as I stepped inside. The store was small but cute, with rows of vinyls and CDs stretching along the walls. The employee at the counter glanced up, gave a quick nod, and went back to what they were doing. Soft music played overhead, blending with the low murmur of noise from outside. I wandered to the CD section and started flipping through cases just looking for anything interesting. not really looking for anything specific. Then the bell ranged again. My eyes following the sound, my hands froozed above the CDs.

It was Emma. 

She walked straight to the counter, exchanging a few words with the cashier, who laughed at something she said. I couldn't hear them over the music, but she seemed upbeat, like she was in a good mood. Her eyes scanned the aisles, and when they landed on me, I immediately turned back to the CDs, pretending to be completely absorbed in whatever random case I was holding.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her heading my way.
She then came to a complete stop, after what felt like a minute of her just staring at me. I felt it in my perpheral vision. "Hi," I said, turning toward her before I could overthink it.

"Could you maybe move a little?" she asked, her tone flat but not rude. "Oh." I stepped aside quickly, clutching a random CD in my hand.

She didn't say anything else, just started flipping through the cases like she knew exactly what she was looking for. She grabbed one, examined it, and headed to the counter without another word.

I stood there for a second, confused. Then, without thinking, I followed her to the counter, still holding onto the random CD in my hand.

She was already paying, slipping the CD into her purse.

"Can I talk to you?" I blurted out, setting my CD on the counter. She glanced at me, her expression now completely different from the one she walked in with. "About?"

"Um, I just wanted to say thanks," I said, awkward but determined to push through. "You know, for what happened at the party." Her face didn't change. Same uninterested look. "Okay. You're welcome," she said, slinging her purse over her shoulder.

"Uh... yeah," I mumbled, well this is going great.

Emma waved at the cashier and walked out the door without sparing me another glance.

I paid for the CD as quickly as possible and rushed after her. "Wait!" She stopped mid-step but didn't turn around.
I walked around to face her, catching that mildly annoyed expression that seemed permanently attached to her face whenever she looks at me.

"Did I do something to annoy you?"

She sighed, crossing her arms. "I would say this conversation."

A small smile tugged at my lips. Wasn't expecting that. "So I did do something."

Her eyes finally locked with mine, and she snickered, running her hand through her hair. "Look," she said, her tone sarcastic, "if you want to fuck Nate, go ahead. I couldn't care less. Can I go now?"

"What?" My eyebrows wrinkled, confused.

She didn't respond. Just turned and started walking again.

I trailed after her, trying to catch up. "Do you think I have a thing for him? Is that why you're being, like—super sweet to me?"

She stopped, spun around, and narrowed her eyes. A sarcastic smile tugged at her lips, sharp and deliberate. "You know, you're actually kind of annoying."

I grinned. "Sorry."

She let out a soft, almost exasperated laugh, keeping her eye contact. "You're just his type, that's all."

"His type?" I echoed, raising an eyebrow.

She didn't elaborate. Just turned and walked away, leaving me watching her go. I looked down at the random metal album my hand had been clutching. What does that even mean? Why would she tell me I'm his type? Is that the reason for her attitude toward me? The last thing I want to do is get between any relationship or whatever they are.

---

I walked home in silence, replaying the failure of that whole conversation in my head. This is exactly why staying in my room all day is always the better option. No awkward interactions, no weird vibes. Just me, my books, movies, snacks, and my guitar.

Speaking of books, I still hadn't finished the assignment for the chapters I'd read. The deadline's tomorrow, and procrastination might as well be my middle name. But I'll get it done. Even if it means staying up all night.

And that's exactly what I did.

Even though I'd finished the paper two hours after getting home. Ate dinner. Watched an episode of some random show my grandad had on while Erika rummaged through a box of Mom's old stuff that Grandma had pulled out to show her in the living room.

But then I just stayed awake. Doing nothing scrolling through my phone, playing songs, watching random movies, smoking. Basically slipping right back into my old routine.

By the time I actually went to bed, I still couldn't sleep. I was bored out of my mind and nowhere near tired. So I did what always happens when I can't sleep I started thinking about everything and anything.

Random things at first: childhood, my dad, Texas. And Paige.

I'd been doing my best to avoid thinking about her lately. It wasn't exactly working. How could I forget her? The memories were too vivid. And that was the worst part they were all happy. Every single one of them, except for the two that I can't stop replaying in my head on a loop, no matter how much I wanted them to stop.