The Reckless Collision

Chapter Twenty

I would've shut him out, though I couldn't date him. And now the results are the same, he won't be in my life. But I would rather find out sooner than later and it feels that it's too late.

Knowing all of this earlier would save me from this shitty, dirty feeling. I feel like I haven't showered in a week if I see him or think about him for a bit longer, it's getting out of control.

I can't even pick outfits without thinking about them too much, they feel unwashed, and itchy at times, just because I wore them in the photos Scott took. I am glad to give them away, the closet needed clean up anyway.

I feel suffocated in my own home, and I always loved being here. Maybe a change of scenery will help to ease my mind and the distance will force Scott to stop. I hope it will...

The turn in my writing was almost instinctive like my mind couldn't help itself. And just like that, my journal was filled with more darkness.

Am I even capable of focusing on the good? Probably not.

Later that evening, Ray and I were supposed to go to Molly's place for a game night. She wanted a chance to talk to Ray in a low-pressure setting, which I understood. Molly had heard plenty about him from me, but she wanted to make her own assumptions. Before that, though, I had another meeting to face—one I wasn't looking forward to.

Scott.

I had been thinking about him more than usual over the past few days. The fact that he went back to his hometown gave me the freedom to go on a date with Raymond and to feel less exposed. He had texted me, letting me know he was back in Los Angeles, he hopped to meet, and Paul—the detective, insisted I meet him for lunch. Apparently, it was some kind of opportunity for his team to get into Scott's apartment, though Paul didn't go into details.

I didn't like it, but I agreed. Not because I was scared of Scott—I wasn't. But being around him made my skin crawl in a way I couldn't quite explain.

We agreed to meet at Starbucks on Wilshire Boulevard. It was just ten minutes from my place and a spot we used to frequent during our university days. The place hadn't changed much: outdoor seating with green umbrellas, friendly staff, and coffee that was always a little too strong.

When I arrived, Scott wasn't there yet, or at least I didn't see him. I stepped inside, the familiar aroma of roasted beans and baked goods greeting me. The interior had the same white-and-brown theme I remembered, with brick accents and metal details giving it a modern touch. I ordered a coffee and a sandwich, then started for the door.

That's when I felt a hand on my elbow. I turned sharply, almost dropping my tray. "Oh, hi."

"Hey," Scott said, flashing a smile as he pulled me into a quick hug.

I shouldn't have been surprised to see him—I'd come here to meet him, after all—but something about the way he looked threw me off.

"Didn't see you," I said awkwardly. "Do you want to grab something?"

He lifted his coffee cup as if to answer my question. "Already did. Let's sit outside?"

"Sure."

We chose a table tucked against the wall, shaded by one of the green umbrellas. I liked sitting there because it gave me a view of the street, something to focus on if the conversation got too uncomfortable.

"So, what's new?" Scott asked, tilting his head with that same casual arrogance I remembered.

"Not much," I said, taking a bite of my sandwich. "Aren't you hungry?"