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Best Prologue ? RESULTS

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The results are finally here! I've put a lot of thought into the feedback to make sure it's detailed and helpful, with plenty of suggestions and examples for everyone

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The results are finally here! I've put a lot of thought into the feedback to make sure it's detailed and helpful, with plenty of suggestions and examples for everyone. Don't be discouraged by the scores—they reflect the high bar I'm setting for the writing, and I really wanted to push everyone to grow. Thank you to all the participants for putting yourselves out there and sharing your work!

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Results for Best Prologue Category:

Hwa by @123hikibakas

Writing Style (including vocabulary, tone, and voice): 7/10You've got a great mythical vibe going here that really fits the fantasy setting! But sometimes the tone shifts between formal and casual, which makes the flow feel a bit uneven

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Writing Style (including vocabulary, tone, and voice): 7/10
You've got a great mythical vibe going here that really fits the fantasy setting! But sometimes the tone shifts between formal and casual, which makes the flow feel a bit uneven.
For example, lines like "Kim clan includes three brothers who have different strengths" and "No matter what mask you wear, Kim Taehyung can see inside you, you can never lie to him, cause he's the one you can't ever fool" feel a little too conversational for the tone you're going for.
To smooth these out, you could try something like:
"The Kim clan comprises three brothers, each endowed with unique strengths."
"No matter what guise you assume, Kim Taehyung perceives the truth within you. Deception is futile, for he cannot be deceived."
This wording keeps that epic, fantasy vibe.

When refining the tone, my advice is to focus on these:
Swap casual phrases or contractions (like "cause," "you can't ever") with more formal options.
Use vocabulary that feels at home in a mythological setting, like "perceives" instead of "sees" or "ensures" instead of "makes."
Avoid directly addressing the reader too much to keep the storytelling more immersive.

Engagement and Hook: 8/10
The idea of seven descendants protecting a kingdom is super intriguing, but right now, the prologue reads more like a descriptive overview than a hook. To make it more captivating, you could start with a dramatic or pivotal moment—maybe the kingdom is already under attack by the demonic possession, or a prophecy about the Hwa flower is being revealed.
As you build that tension, you can sprinkle in the backstory about the clans and their powers. That way, readers are drawn in by the action and stakes, while still learning about this fascinating world you've created. Think of it like showing us the powers in action before explaining them—it'll make the world feel more alive and urgent!

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