You Want Him Instead?

August

All the running in sand and worrying about who was going to shower first was gone. Yay!First day of school. I dreaded writing college applications already.

So to recap everything that has happened since the last day of school, no, Emma nor Spencer have talked to me, Addy, Stacey, and I are closer than ever before, my sisters were back at college, and I'm doing actually amazing. I'm happy and have come to terms with everything. Over the summer, I got to experience new things and have two best friends who wanted to know me and I wanted to know them.

I can finally say I'm happy.

"Hey Viv," the familiar voices said behind me. I turned around, "Hey!" We smiled and hugged. "Okay! How's everyone feeling about our last first day of high school!" I said excitedly. "Great! But I'm already exhausted," Stacey said crossing her arms. "Well I think this will be a great year!" Addy said and smiled her large smile.

Her smile kind of faded as she looked at my face. "Um, come on! I want to see where your lockers are," She said and took my arm. That's odd.

****
It was finally lunch and my friends and I sat in the senior section and claimed a table for ourselves. "I'm going to go grab a fork from the cafeteria," I said. I straightened up my skirt and red uniform as I walked over to the small room. I walked in and quickly went to the cardboard box with utensils in it. I looked across the long table, I felt my face and heart drop. It was like I saw a ghost. Spencer was leaning on the table across from me. I watched him laugh with his friends.

There was that feeling. The feeling I tried so hard to get rid of, that I thought went anyway. Boy was I wrong, I felt my stomach flutter as I saw his smile. My face forming a smile as I saw his eyes light up.

No, no, no, no, no. Viviana Perez, you cannot be doing this right now, I said to myself. I walked out of the cafeteria fast and shook my head as I exited.

I sat down at the red lunch table, Stacey and Addy talking about their classes. All I could think about is what had just happened with me in the cafeteria. Seeing him there just simply standing there made me do a whole flip on how I thought I felt.

The feelings I made myself believe. That I was so desperate to actually feel. I felt tears prick my eyes as the same feelings from a few months ago attacked me like an uncomfortable hug.

It was like I was reliving everything that had happened. I wanted to scream into my pillow and never get out of bed.

"I'll be back," I said to my friends as I got up. I needed fresh air, even if we were already outside. I walked over to the quad area where the grass was. I saw freshman playing soccer and some juniors making TikToks. I smiled to myself as the memories of only a few years ago came back.

I walked around some more and ended up on a concrete bench sitting down. They day was an average California August Day, clear sky, sun shining.

I turned my head and saw Emma talking to a group of girls. They giggled about God knows what. I kind of just kept staring. No thoughts forming in my mind.

I was taken out of my trance by some guys running across the quad to the girl group. They slowed down as they got a few feet away from them. One guy, in the front, kept walking as everyone else stopped. He approached Emma. She looked at him like it was just him and her in the open area. He leaned in, his hand clinging to her waist. "Oooh's" arroused from the group.

They kissed.

Everyone was watching. And so was I.

They let go of each other. I got a glimpse of the guy's face. My heart shattered.