Fading Loyalty

Ishan walked back to his room, his steps slow and heavy, the hallway dimly lit. His mind raced, replaying the image of Shubman standing there, shirt barely buttoned, hair a mess, and Sara's flushed expression when he'd opened the door.

They were in the middle of
something. The thought twisted in his chest like a knife. Maybe a makeout... maybe sex.
He paused mid-step, leaning against the wall for a moment. A bitter laugh escaped his lips as he muttered to himself, "I should've checked for his boner." The words came out sharp, tinged with self-deprecation.

But the laugh quickly faded as tears threatened to spill. His throat
tightened, and he rubbed at his eyes furiously.

"God, I'm so stupid. Why
does my brain keep making up these impossible scenarios? Why can't I just let this go?"

By the time he reached his room, the ache in his chest had settled into a dull, constant pain. He pushed the door open and let it swing shut behind him, not bothering to turn on the lights. Flopping onto the bed, he
let out a muffled groan into the
pillow. The room felt suffocatingly
silent, amplifying the sound of his
own heartbeat pounding in his ears

His hand reached out, fingers
brushing the empty space on the bed beside him. It was a spot he'd often imagined Shubman filling, lying there with his dimpled smile, teasing him about something ridiculous or just resting quietly after a long day.

"Stupid," he whispered, the word
barely audible as it cracked in his
throat. "So stupid."

He rolled onto his back, staring at
the ceiling, trying to will away the
thoughts that plagued him.

"You're his friend, nothing more. He's married, and he's happy. Stop being such an idiot."

He said himself to stop, the ache remained.
Pulling the blanket over himself,
Ishan closed his eyes, trying to block out the world and the emotions threatening to consume him.

Ishan sighed, unable to sleep, and reached for his phone. Unlocking it, he instinctively opened Instagram. As he scrolled through his feed, his eyes caught a new post from the Gujarat Titans' official page.

It was a picture of Shubman, himself, and Shanaya on the field after their recent victory. Shubman was holding Shanaya in his arms, both of them grinning widely, while Ishan stood next to them, his own smile radiant. The caption read: "Whenever, wherever, we are meant to be together."

Ishan couldn’t help but smile at the image. His thumb hovered over the screen, tracing their faces as if committing the moment to memory.

But as he stared at the picture, his mind began to wander, weaving a fantasy he couldn’t resist. He imagined a different world—one where Shubman wasn’t married to Sara. One where Shubman was his. In that world, Shanaya wasn’t just Shubman’s daughter; she was theirs.

The image shifted in his mind. He pictured Shubman coming home to him after a long day, Shanaya running into his arms while Ishan stood by, watching the two of them with love and pride. A perfect family.

A lump formed in his throat, and he quickly shut his phone, tossing it onto the bed beside him.

Stop it, Ishan. This isn’t real. It’ll never be real.

He turned onto his side, pulling the blanket tighter around himself as if it could shield him from his own thoughts. The ache in his chest grew heavier, the line between fantasy and reality blurring just enough to leave him hurting.

With a shaky breath, Ishan closed his eyes, trying once more to push the thoughts away. But they lingered, haunting him even as sleep finally overtook him.