I Love to Hate you

"Wish I could explain it better, I wish it wasn't true.
Give me a day, or two,
To think of something clever,
To write myself a letter,
To tell me what to do."

Happier Than Ever by Billie Eilish

"So.. what? Are you guys dating now?" Daphne asks.

I invited Mike, Anthony and Daphne over. I needed to come clean and just.. explain the situation. They hadn't know about the entire 'I never liked you' thing, so it was way easier to walk them through. Except for Anthony, who's looking at me as if I'm going insane. I give him a little roll of my fingers, telling him I'd explain it better to him, specifically, later on.

Mike was also aware of it, because of the 'dick' accident, but hasn't brought it up ever since.

Mike doesn't meet my eyes, he's clearly bothered and I don't blame him for it. To be honest I had even forgotten about that entire situation and Rafe just.. it's like he finally opened his eyes and I'm putting my heart at risk here giving him a shot, but I just need it to be worth it. And I believe it will.

"I'm... uh.." me and Rafe didn't talk about our status, but I'm pretty sure we're dating. Are we? Gosh, I just needed to come home. It had been such a mess and even if we admitted feelings, it's not like we said I love you and neither has he asked me to be his girlfriend.

No jokes with 'I love you.'

"Yeah, I guess so." I say, a slight tint surging in my cheeks.

Eduardo runs a hand through his face, getting up and giving me a hug. He takes a deep breath, and begins, "I'm sorry about the way I reacted at first, I was a little crazy— I admit. But now.. I mean I got to meet the guy properly. I've seen him around in games, and he's a fucking dick, sis. But it's fine, you're happy I'm happy. He breaks your heart I'll break his balls, okay?" He then backs away, lightly gripping my shoulder before sitting down beside Daphne.

There's a moment of silence, one which me and Daphne exchange glances. She silently nods, a smile playing at her lips in confirmation. I'm glad at least someone here actually supports it. I remember her never being against it, for the matter, but once the 'dating my brother' situation came up she actually distanced herself entirely off me, not just her opinions.

"You're fucking kidding me, right?" Mike suddenly stands up, his accusatory eyes trained exactly on me.

"Mike, look—" Eduardo tries to intervene, but it's of absolute no use as it falls on deaf ears.

"No. Genuinely, what the fuck. When he dumped you, okay—"

"Woah there, I dumped him."

"Yeah, after he said he was using you, Aurora. Damnit princess, wake up!" He's yelling now, and even though I see his point of view, especially since so far he was the only one to know about the entire 'using' thing, it was not his secret to fucking tell.

"And he regretted it, okay." My voice is not nearly as strong as I'd like it to be, it doesn't matter how many times he makes up for it, I believe that overcoming it it's not a choice, just accepting that he will change. The fucker fucking has to change.

"Yeah, but who the hell did you call when you needed help, princess? It wasn't him! It was me, okay? Me. It wasn't Daphne, it wasn't Eduardo, it wasn't Anthony and it sure as hell was not Rafe!"

His words cut deep inside me, "Mike, I know we had a moment of... intimacy, but you have to understand, you're a great friend, Mike. Not a great boyfriend and—" And once again he interrupts me.

His hands are on his hair as he stands in front of me, it's really comical, if Daphne and Eduardo each had a bowl of popcorn, this would be seriously Oscar worthy.

"No! Aurora, listen to me." His voice cracks a little as he takes two steps closer to me. His cold hands meet my face, almost desperate to make me look at him. "What are you doing with that guy, Rory? You're not his girlfriend, please tell me the Aurora I grew up with— the one that aspires to coach the NHL, the one that wants to fight hell itself with that big mouth of her— the one I fucking love, please tell that girl is not being trapped into a relationship with Rafe."

Last time we talked was when we hooked up. Mike back then had been incredibly pissed at the wrong name accident, and I had certain faith that he would have held on to that. I'm no idiot, I saw the signs of Mike liking me. I knew it, and throughout most of my life I never did anything to feed these feelings, I just wanted to be friends and I constantly reminded him by randomly saying "bestie" or words like that.

But what I did when I called him over?

I regret it to this fucking day. I'm him childhood crush— according to Daphne I'm the only girl he ever fucking wanted, and I called him over just because I was desperate to get over someone else.

Turns out forgiving Rafe has nothing to do with the pretty words he fed me last time we met, and everything to do with the fact that I'm just as bad of a person as he is.

I used Mike's feelings for my own good just like Rafe did to me.

Don't two wrongs make a right?

And Rafe actually makes me happy, and good and I can feel myself actually— this time, falling in love with him.

"I'm sorry, Mike." I say, watching as a tear slips from his eye and falls down his cheek. I wrap my arms around his waist, bringing him close for a hug.

"I'm so sorry, Mike. But I can't tell you that. That girl has made some bad decisions, but being with Rafe is not one of them. And I really hope you can forgive me for what I did with your feelings, that was truly mean, Michael."

He gives in to the hug, but it's weak and badly reciprocated. "I could never be mad at you, princess." He mumbles on the top of my head.

Silence engulfs the living room, but quickly as it got just weird, Wardo clapped his hands together, getting up, "well, very fucking weird moment there guys. Truly. I'm weirded out, and also heading out. Sis, I trust you to do the right thing but if what the fuck Mike just said it's true, you're crazy." Yeah, I think I agree with that too, "so I hope Rafe is good for you. You deserve the best." He grabs Daphne's hand, "bye, guys. I'm happy if you're happy, babe." She gives me a smile before leaving.

"I should uh, probably leave too." Mike says, his eyes are a little teary and he refuses to look into my eyes. Opening no time for discussion, he opens the door and leaves the apartment.

"Woah. I mean, you're crazy, sweet cheeks." Anthony speaks up, and I turn to him with a tired smile.

"God, I know. I'm a mess but he's also a mess and together we're..."

"Yeah, I don't care for the emotional path you're taking here, Rory. Tell me when to fucking stop." And then he brings both his hands up, and starts separating them slowly.

"Are you for real?" He continues to separate.

AN: hey babies, I'm sorry I haven't fed you in a month. Recently i've become very very very sick and beforehand I wasn't home to write. Anyway, now it's uploaded!!

Today is my birthday, and it's absolutely crazy to me how last year I said the same thing, and uploaded the same story here. I mean genuinely, that's just mad insane, I'm posting this because even though it's my birthday, i'm forever thankful to you guys.

Also, poor mikey right? He'll get his happy ending though, wouldn't let anyone be unhappy on my big epilogue that's... soon to come.

ALSO NOT PROOF READ SO PLS TELL ME MISTAKES!