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୨⎯ jia ⎯୧

i sit up slowly, my heart still pounding. i can't see him but i feel him pace, trying to shake off what just happened.

so that's how it is. he kisses me first, gives in first, and now he's backing away like it meant nothing.

i tilt my head, my voice calm but pointed. "is that why you brought me here? so you could kiss me?"

i should be embarrassed. i should feel guilty for letting it happen. but instead, i just feel irritated. he wanted this. i felt it in the way he kissed me, the way his hands gripped me, the way he didn't stop. but now? now he wants to act like it was some mistake?

i cross my arms. "if that's the case, you could've just asked instead of playing this little game."

he still says nothing. he suddenly turns, his voice sharp, cutting through the thick tension between us.

"i brought you here because i wanted you to feel safe," he says, his voice rough. "not for this. not for a kiss. not for whatever the hell you think this is."

i let out a sharp scoff, crossing my arms. "oh, really? you expect me to believe that?"

"yes," he says through gritted teeth, like it's so obvious that i'm the one being difficult.

"you kissed me. you let me stay here. you touched me. but now, suddenly, you're acting like none of that happened?"

he exhales sharply, and even though i can't see his face, i know he's trying to calm himself down, like he doesn't want to lose control. but i don't let him.

"you're the one who started this," i continue, voice edged with frustration. "so don't stand there and act like i'm the one making a big deal out of nothing."

he doesn't answer right away, and the silence between us feels unbearable.

then, finally, his voice comes through the darkness, lower now.

"you are making a big deal out of nothing," he says. "because it can't be anything."

"let me guess" i say. "because of your stupid mask? because of your rules? or because you're too much of a coward to admit you wanted it just as much as i did?"

he goes still.

he inhales deeply, and when he speaks, his voice is dangerously calm.

"watch what you're saying, tiger."

"i kissed someone, and i don't even know what he looks like." i mutter under my breath.

"really? that's what you're worried about?" he says, with a humorless laugh.

"well, excuse me if that's a little insane to process." i state.

he lets out a short chuckle. "you think that's the insane part?"

"yes," i say flatly, throwing my hands up even though he can't see me. "you get to hide behind a mask, behind this whole mystery act, and i-" i cut myself off, pressing my lips together before exhaling.

"do you think it would change anything?" he asks me.

i narrow my eyes, even though i can't see him. "what?"

"if you knew what i looked like," he says slowly. "do you think it would change anything between us?"

i open my mouth, ready to fire something back, but no words come out. because i don't know. and that's what bothers me the most.

"i'm putting my mask back on," i say firmly. "and i want another room."

"you don't need to leave." he says, his voice calm but still strong.