Baldi's Basics: The Show

(Please do not steal any of my original characters such as Charlie and Oliver! Make your own, silly!)

(This episode, formally episode five, is a replacement of the original episode four)

The Principal of the Thing slammed his hands against the meeting table and sighed. "Okay, I'm about done with those pests. We need to do something about them..." he grumbled, pinching his nose bridge. It was Monday morning at six a.m., an hour before the kids arrived. The four other staff members turned their attention to their boss.

"I do chase them every day, isn't that enough?" Baldi asked, flicking the end of his ruler.

"That's child abuse, Baldimore," Principal Thing said in a monotone voice. "Child abuse doesn't do anything but make problems worse."

Baldi's eyes turned into small dots, and he frowned at the principal. The principal sighed and pulled out a pin map showing a blurry photo of Charlie and Oliver racing down the hallway, leading a flock of ducks inside. Don't ask. There was an audible shutter from the rest of the staff.

"First, we'll have to address the idiotic, disruptive chaos they've caused among the school," the principal said, never opening his eyes. "Baldimore. What peeves you about these pests?"

"We'll be here for twelve hours if I answer your question," Mr. Baldi grouched, sipping his coffee.

"I'm sure that goes the same for everyone," Principal sighed. "Pomp?"

Mrs. Pomp looked up from her book and sighed, shaking her head. "Always late, immature, impolite, they're basically a noise with dirt on it."

"Everyone hates that about them," Principal Thing grumbled. "Mr. Sweep?"

"GUM!" he yelled. "I HATE THAT WORM! I HATE HOW HE ALWAYS ENDS UP GETTING GUM IN MY BRISTLES!"

Principal Thing shook his head and sighed angrily. "We're talking about Charlie and Oliver, Sweep, not Beans."

The broom leaned back and raised his eyebrows. "Oh. Uh. They're cool I guess," he made a movement that represented shrugging. There was an audible complaint from the staff.

The principal raised his hand, quieting everyone down. "Just...ignore Sweep. He's his own person and that's fine. Doctor?"

Dr. Reflex looked up at his boss and sighed through his big nose, fidgeting with his gloves. "I don't hate them," he shook his head tiredly. "But I really don't like them...always stressin' me out and makin' me wanna just...rip their heads off...and throw 'em under a truck or somethin' like that..."

(Camera cuts to the others)

Everyone turned to the doctor in silence, wearing concerned faces. Principal Thing coughed and brushed it off. Dr. Reflex was like that sometimes, but they were never sure why. "Anyway, you all get my point here. We. Don't. Like. Them." He said those last words while jabbing his finger at the photograph. "They make the school average drop tremendous amounts and make us look like we aren't good at our jobs. We don't chase people around with rulers, but those two make us look like we do."

Baldi sat there with his arms crossed. He tilted his head.

The principal stared at him with a grouchy expression. He took a sharp breath through his nose. "Okaymaybewedo," he said quickly and quietly. "BUT my point is; we need to fix them or we're going to lose the school!"

"I'm not sure if that's possible. We're stuck in a simulation where it's designed to be a horror game about a mad school," Dr. Reflex spoke up. "If we ever do lose the school, the simulation will reset and we'll have the school again...it's like a simulation of making good n' bad choices. If something bad happens like somebody gets fired or a main character dies, the simulation will reset and all will be normal again. But, if it's a character that is unimportant to the plot, like a townsfolk, the simulation will think nothing of it and brush it off, whereas that character will be gone until the next system reboot."