The Ex: AKA The One Who Got Away

*Lindsay's POV*

I stepped into the office, my heart still hammering from the encounter with Shannon. I didn't know what I expected from this conversation with Helena, but I could already feel the pressure building in my chest, my thoughts scattered. I needed to say something, needed to explain, but my words felt tangled up.

Helena glanced up from her desk as I walked in, her smile instantly fading when she saw the expression on my face. I barely made it to the couch before she was on her feet, concern flashing across her features. 

"Lindsay?" she asked, her voice calm but edged with worry. "What's wrong?"

I sat down, running my hands through my hair, trying to calm my breath. "Shannon," I whispered quietly, glancing at Helena. 

"My name's Helena," she joked, bumping her shoulder against my own. 

"She approached me outside. It kind of threw me off," I sighed heavily. 

Helena's expression didn't falter—she already knew. She'd known everything about Shannon and our past from the very beginning. Our relationship had always been built on openness and honesty. So, when I'd walked in on Shannon in her office, Helena didn't need to ask who the patient was. 

Her voice softened, though the concern in her eyes remained. "She's your ex, Shannon, isn't she?"

I nodded, unable to find anything else to say. The world felt heavy around me as I let that truth settle between us.

"Did she... did she say anything to you? About why she's been seeing me?" Helena asked, her gaze sharp, but gentle. She was so patient, giving me space to reply in my own time.

"Yeah." I let out a shaky breath. "She's sick, Helena. She's been seeing you for months, and... I didn't even know. I had no idea. No call from Mom, Alex, or Adam."

Helena's hand found mine, squeezing it gently. There was no judgment in her touch, no resentment. Just understanding. She knew how deeply Shannon had affected me. She also knew how much I cared about her, despite everything.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly. "I didn't mean to surprise you like this. I had no idea who she was to you."

I shook my head. "No, it's not your fault. I should've been prepared to run into her again at some point. I just... I wasn't ready to see her again, not like that."

Helena leaned in closer, her voice steady. "It's okay to be thrown off by it, Lindsay. You don't have to suppress your feelings. I know how much Shannon hurt you."

I closed my eyes for a moment, the weight of those words still lingering. "I don't want to feel anything for her. I really don't. But it's like... like she still has this power over me."

Helena's hand brushed my cheek, her touch tender. "Lindsay, she doesn't have power over you anymore. I know how hard it is to face someone from your past, especially when there's unfinished business. But you're here with me now. You've built something with me. With us, together."

I opened my eyes, meeting her gaze. There was no jealousy in her eyes, no insecurity. Just trust and love.

"I love you," I whispered, the words coming out easily, but my heart still racing. "But when I saw her... I don't know, Helena. I can't help but remember the good times. The way she made me feel." 

Helena nodded slowly, her expression softening even further. "You don't have to forget those feelings, Lindsay. They were part of your life, part of your journey. But they don't define you anymore. And they definitely don't define us. What we have now, that's real. That's the future."

"I don't want to go back to that. Not to her," I said, my voice a little firmer now, a little clearer. "I can't. I know I can't. But there's still this knot in my stomach, this old wound that never quite healed."

Helena took a deep breath, her eyes thoughtful. "I understand. And you don't have to pretend you're fine. If you need to process it, to talk it through, I'm here. We're a team."

I leaned my head against her shoulder, closing my eyes again. The tension in my body started to ease, but the turmoil inside wasn't so easily soothed. I wanted to forget Shannon. To put the past behind me, but I couldn't deny the grip she still had on my mind.

"I saw her smile today, Helena. That damn smile. It still does something to me. And I hate it. I hate that she can make me feel like this, even after all this time."

Helena ran her fingers through my hair, brushing it back gently. "She can't hurt you anymore. I won't let her."

I smiled weakly, grateful for her steady support. "I know you won't. I just... I wish I could shut it all out. Pretend she doesn't exist."

"You don't have to forget, Lindsay," Helena said softly. "But you also don't have to let her in. You've moved on. You're with me, and I love you."

I turned toward her, meeting her eyes. "I love you too. I'm sorry if I've been distant. This... this threw me off more than I thought it would."

"You don't have to apologize," she reassured me. "I understand. Just remember, you don't have to go through this alone. We're in this together."

---

That night, when we returned home, the silence in our bedroom felt heavy. Helena was beside me, her breathing steady and rhythmic. I could feel the warmth of her body, the comforting weight of her presence next to mine. But even as I held her close, I couldn't quiet the storm in my mind.

Shannon's face kept drifting into my thoughts, uninvited. The way she'd looked at me today, with those dark circles under her eyes, the smile that didn't quite reach her lips. I could still hear her voice, the familiar lilt, the sharp edge she used to get under my skin. There was something about her, something I couldn't shake. Even after all these years, even after the pain, there was a part of me that still missed her.

I hated it. Hated that she could still make my heart beat faster, even now. That her presence could stir up memories—good and bad—that I wasn't ready to confront.

I tried to push the thoughts aside, but they lingered, swirling in my mind like smoke, elusive and suffocating. I thought I'd put all of it behind me. The break-up. The heartache. The confusion. But it was all coming back now, faster than I could control. I wasn't that person anymore. I had moved on. I had Helena, my beautiful, loving wife, who was everything I needed. And yet, here I was, caught in the past.

I squeezed my eyes shut and took a deep breath, wrapping my arms around Helena as if I could anchor myself to her, to the future we'd built. Shannon didn't belong here. She didn't belong in my thoughts or in my life. But no matter how much I tried to push her away, there was a part of me that wondered—was I still holding on? Or was it just the remnants of a life I couldn't quite let go of?

I buried my face in Helena's hair, focusing on the steady rise and fall of her chest, the scent of her shampoo filling my senses. She was my present. My future. And yet, Shannon's shadow still loomed, a reminder of who I once was and a part of me I couldn't quite bury.

Thanks for reading.

-T.J Starc