Celestial Bodies: Of Runts and Lycans

Josh's POV

"One does not ask to die in the middle of their life. One does not kiss their child on the cheek, take their mate in hand, and together seek death. Lilian and Akeno lived full lives. Happy lives. They walked these very grounds, hand in hand; love glowing around them.

"They were great trackers, Akeno a great warrior. They will be missed by not only their pack mates but also their only family, their son, Josh." I can feel his eyes on me but I refuse to look at him. "Rest assured, Lillian, Akeno. I will take care of him in your absence." I bite my lip, feeling several more pairs of eyes on me. Eyes whose connected lips say nothing now. Said nothing ever. Will never say a thing. "May you love from above. May the Goddess guide you home."

I stare blankly at the fire in front of me. Somewhere, beyond the flames and under the ceremonial wrappings, are my parents. I can't even smell them over the smell of the flames, ashes dancing in the air from the burning wood.

My fingers feel numb, clutching onto the picture I was instructed to bring. The paper crinkles in my hold and I look down. Our faces all smile back at me, clueless of what's to come. Clueless that they would be sent out on a death trap of a mission.

From Alpha Henry's behavior this last week to his speech tonight, no one outside of his circle would know it. But I know better.

The picture gets crushed in my hold, crinkling together under the pressure of my fingertips.

I know better.

A hand sets harshly on my shoulder. I jump, my eyes flashing to my left. Alpha Henry stands there, not a regret in his gaze. Not a single bit of genuine empathy. "Go." The word is simple and I gaze back to the fire.

I don't want to go. I really don't. If I do, then this will all be real. My parents will truly be gone. The loving couple who raised me. Who taught me to ride a bike, who helped me with my math homework, who taught me to identify plants in the forest, who taught me the ways of the Goddess above. Who loved me. Infinitely.

A push on my shoulder forced me forward. I glare back at Alpha Henry. His gaze doesn't break but his lip twitches.

My steps towards the fire feel grounding in the worst of ways. Like I'm sinking into a level of hell from which there is no coming back. Between the flames lay my parents, right beside each other. With the wrappings covering their forms, you can't see the hell they went through in their final moments. But the linked hands that I know are there hold them to each other, as I'm sure they'd want to be in this final parting. The picture feels a weight in my hand. I struggle to lift my arm.

I can feel his gaze on my back.

I manage to lift the picture with great difficulty. I only begin to admire their smiling faces; a younger, happier me wedged between them when the heat from the flames begin to lick the paper. I watch as the picture begins to curl in on itself, turning darker and darker until I can no longer make out their faces. My face, just for a moment, so young and so free, smiles back at me. And then the flames consume me too. That young boy dies with them. I never let go of the picture, not even when the flames lick my fingertips. The heat is nice. I want to step into it, let it consume me. Burn away all the horrors that have been and will continue to be. The heat is nice

"Josh!" A hand wraps around my bicep, pulling me from a different flame. "What are you doing?" The worried tone in Jacob's voice has me blinking several times over. He holds my hand in his and I don't even begin to think of the entire pack around the steady flames. He turns my hand over, examines each finger, before letting my hand fall.