If you love me | Alex Mahone

Shall I bring it where you are?

When she woke up, she felt like a truck had run her over. Her internal clock was broken: it was almost 11 AM when she opened her eyes. Slowly, the events of the past day returned to her memory, a sense of terrible guilt and shame invading her as well. Everyone knew her story. Everyone knew who she was, her real name, the things she had done... She almost wished she hadn't woken up.

The bathroom's mirror showed her an image that could be included in a horror movie: she had several bruises all over her face, some cuts here and there, the evident marks of strangulation on her neck... Her three bullet scars in her shoulders were accompanied by three nasty bruises on her abdomen from the recent impacts. Overall, it could have been worse.

She could hear some distant conversations, a reminder that she was not alone and that, at any time, she would need to face them. The knot in her stomach got bigger just thinking about it. Right now, she just wanted to see Sara; maybe ask her for some makeup, more pain medication, something to go back to sleep... Her stomach started making some noise, and she realized she hadn't eaten since the previous morning. But she didn't know if she preferred to starve herself to death than seeing the pity look on everyone's faces.

Showing weakness had been a big no-no throughout her life. She couldn't bear seeing people feeling sorry for her. Her vulnerability was reserved for Alexander; he had been the only witness of her dark moments, the keeper of her secret. You may be asking why she trusted him so quickly. That was a difficult question, with many layers, but she had a secret answer that not even Alexander knew: his eyes. The sense of calmness she felt when he looked at her for the first time was something she couldn't explain. There was kindness, genuine warmth, and curiosity. She would find any excuse to look him straight in the eye for the first months they worked together. His own blue ocean was the only thing able to calm her. Not even when he took her to the beach for the first time in her life was she able to feel the same. His ocean was more beautiful.

He hugged her for the first time after Shales was dead, and that substituted for a while her eternal search for reassurance in his eyes. Then everything became more complicated: the guilt, the PTSD, the divorce, the Company, their messy relationship... it all contributed to slowly modifying the foundation of their relationship, creating barriers, destroying some limits, and disturbing the delicate equilibrium they had at the beginning. But the thing that never changed was how his eyes made her feel.

And right now, she needed him more than ever. The thing about Plan B is that she never expected to be free or even alive once her story was out. It was a last-minute resource in case Alexander, or she were in danger, and the most obvious outcome would've been her imprisonment or someone killing her. She never expected to be alive afterward. Her stomach wasn't helping her. Trying to put on a brave face, she opened the door to go to the kitchen, but as she opened the door, she found two sandwiches (cut in halves) and her ocean standing at the door.

'I figured you'd be hungry... but I didn't want to wake you up.'

'Thanks, Alexander.' He entered the room and sat on the bed. His bed, actually. 'Where did you sleep? Mine is too high for you.' By the way he ate his sandwich, she noticed he hadn't eaten either. With a slight nod, he signaled the chair beside the bed. 'Alexander...'

'I'm sorry, Sara said it wasn't necessary, but... anyway, eat. I saved mine so you could have some company, but if you don't...'

'It's fine, thank you.' There was an elephant in the room. They both knew each other so well that they knew they'd do small talk for hours, even days, before addressing what happened yesterday.