Not Just A Memory | Ko Kyung-jun

Eleven.

“…It’s been a long time, everything happened so… suddenly, so I was caught off guard… If I called you by your name so intimately, it might have been too much…

But anyway, I’ve always watched your games, and you’ve really worked hard… You’ve become an amazing person… and I feel like I don’t deserve to be close to you…”

She chose her words carefully, making me feel even more comforted and unable to hold back my emotions.

“…Can you call my name one more time?”

“…………Kyung-jun…”

I wanted to cry again and clenched my jaw to suppress the emotion.

“………If you don’t mind, just once. Can I hug you once?”

“…I just got back, I haven’t cleaned up or washed my hands yet.”

“It’s fine. If you clean up and wash your hands, you might change your mind and refuse, and I don’t want that.”

She was slightly surprised, then slowly stepped forward, gently burying herself in my arms and clutching my shirt. Her soft hair, smooth skin, and familiar warmth pressed against my chest.

I hugged her, afraid that if I let go, she would disappear. I gently wrapped my arms around her, as if holding a fragile treasure.

“………”

“………”

Both of us stayed silent, holding each other tightly in front of the door in a silence so profound we could hear the sounds from the next room and the rustling of leaves in the wind.

“…………Kyung-jun.”

Hearing that voice, I hugged her even tighter, as if I wanted to keep her forever. And then, as if in response, she also wrapped her arms around my back, holding me tightly.

That night, when I was in high school. I remembered the day I let go of her hand in front of her house. I hugged her even tighter.

“…Seven years ago, if I had held onto you like this, listened to you, and not let you go, maybe things would have been different.”

“…Kyung-jun?”

“And if I had kept asking until you told me about your difficulties, it might have been better.”

“Huh? Why does that sound a little scary?”

She still didn’t lift her head, just quietly lay in my arms.

“…Kyung-jun. Why did you come to see me? I tried to protect you, and seven years ago, I quietly disappeared from Seoul.”

“…I found you, and I wanted to see you, so I came.”

“Right… you said that.”

I realized she was crying too.

In the small single-person apartment, where no one would disturb us. We just held each other and cried.

Until we both felt a little better, we still held each other tightly.

“…Hey, Kyung-jun. If I said I don’t have feelings for you anymore, what would you do?”

“Then I will make you love me again.”

“…………You idiot.”

She cried while taking off her shoes, wiped her tears with a handkerchief, and invited me inside.

“…Is this okay?”

“Let’s eat the grapes Eun-kang—ssi gave us.”

The room was simpler than I imagined, and it smelled like her. “Good thing I cleaned up this morning,” she said with a light laugh. Even her tear-reddened eyes were adorable.