Driven by Desire. Fire and Speed | Toto Wolff | F1

Monaco, August, penthouse

POV Miriell

The drive back was silent. I didn't know whether it was because of exhaustion or simply because I had no strength left to speak. I sat in the passenger seat, resting my head against the window, watching the scenery blur past. I felt hollow.

Toto drove calmly, but I could see how tightly he gripped the steering wheel. He always did that when he was wrestling with emotion.

We were home, but to me, it didn't feel like home anymore.

I couldn't sleep. Every time I tried, I ended up lying there, staring at the ceiling, feeling something crush me from the inside.

I had wanted that child. I knew it had been unexpected, unplanned, but... it was ours. The product of our love.

I had already come to terms with the idea of ending my career, of becoming a mother, of dedicating myself to that role. I had faced the fear, the uncertainty, but once the doctor said pregnant, it became real. And now that reality was gone.

Toto hadn't told anyone about the driver change yet. That was the one small mercy in all of this.

"I'm going back to racing," I said firmly, once I felt well enough to walk through the house.

Toto looked up from his laptop.

"Miriell..."

"Toto, the season isn't over."

"But you—"

"Maybe it was meant to be."

I didn't want to hear that I needed rest, that I needed time. I didn't want to feel this emptiness. I didn't want to feel this pain.

The track had always been my escape.

My body was still protesting. I was weak, I'd lost too much blood—but I wasn't going to give up.

"You're not racing in Zandvoort."

"What?" I stared at him in disbelief.

"You're not ready." His voice was calm, but resolute.

"I have a few days. I'll recover."

"No, Miriell. Valtteri will drive in your place."

My heart pounded faster. Anger tightened in my throat.

"You don't have the right to decide that for me."

"I have the right as your team principal."

I looked at him for a long moment, feeling something crack inside me.

"I hate you for this," I whispered, knowing it wasn't true.

His jaw tensed, but he said nothing.

***

I shut down. I didn't want to talk to him. I didn't want his touch, his presence.

I knew he watched me, that he wanted to help, but I didn't want help.

I stopped sleeping in our bed. I didn't let him come close.

I was a shadow of myself, but it was all I could do to survive.

Toto didn't push. He didn't force conversation. He stayed close, but never intruded.

And maybe that's why I knew...

That when I was ready — I'd be able to come back to him.

Walls

POV Toto

The decision had been made before I even brought it up with Miriell. I knew she'd be furious, that she'd fight back—but I couldn't let her go through with it. She was too weak, and I wasn't going to stand by and watch her push her body to its limits, pretending nothing had happened.

"Valtteri will race in Zandvoort."

I said it in a tone that left no room for argument.

Miriell looked at me, and the flash in her eyes hit me in the gut like a punch. Disbelief. Anger. Betrayal.

"You have no right to decide that for me."

"I have the right as your team principal."

I hated using that argument, but I knew it was the only one that might land.

"I hate you for this."

Her words cut through me like a blade, but I didn't show it. I couldn't.

We put out an official statement—the media were told that Miriell was temporarily unavailable and was expected to return for the next race. All the formalities were sorted, but none of that mattered to me.

Only she did.

And she... shut down.

***

Miriell avoided me.

I could feel the distance between us growing. Physically. Emotionally. She had withdrawn on every level. She didn't sleep beside me. She didn't allow me to touch her. She didn't speak.

I saw the tension in her shoulders, how she carried it all inside, how she fought not to show pain.

And there was nothing I could do.

She didn't want my presence, but I stayed anyway. Quiet, in the background, ready to catch her if she started to fall.

***

I lost a child again.

That sentence haunted me in the quietest moments.

First Jack. Then the child I never got to meet—the one Susie was carrying.

And now... our child.

When Miriell told me she was pregnant, everything changed. I had been afraid—I didn't know what it would mean for her life, for ours—but one look at her, and I knew.

It was something I wanted.

I loved that child.

I had already fallen in love with the life growing inside her, even if I never got to see it.

And now... now I was empty.

I couldn't lose Miriell. I couldn't let her lock herself away from me forever.

So I waited.

I said nothing. I didn't push. I let her grieve in her own way, even if it meant being pushed to the sidelines.

I stayed.

And I waited for her to come back to me.