Endless

One

"I'm not avoiding people forever," I say closing my eyes and taking a deep breath. "I just need time." 

"Ava, sweetheart," Kitt's hands go to my shoulders and he speaks softly. "It's been almost three years, it's time to move on from this. you have to start talking to people again and being yourself again or you are going to be lost to us forever. I know what it's like to lose yourself to the pain you are feeling but you have to let it go." 

"Kitt I can't just move on," I say with more emotion than I have shown in years. "I cant just forget and move on like nothing happened. I can't just stop feeling the pain and the anger that I feel every night when I try to sleep. I can't pretend like my mom can, I can't act like everything is fine when it's not." 

"Ava-" 

"he just left me!" I cut him off as tears threaten to spill from my eyes. the emotion fights to break free from me and it begs to not push it down again. I stagger away from Kitt out of his arms and I move backwards and once I put feet between us I begin to talk again. "he just left! without saying where he was going, without saying when he would be back, he didn't even say goodbye. he just left in the middle of the night. he left me alone and broken and sad and upset. I was filled with questions that he never answered because he never came back. he made me fall in love with him and then he left. you don't understand! no one in this damn palace understands that I have no trust in anyone anymore." 

"Ava," his words are soft as tears stream out of my eyes. "It's time to let him go." 

"but I cant," I cry. 

"I know," he whispers as he wraps his arms around me and hugs me. I hug him back even as my mind screams for me to run away, to leave before he leaves first, to leave and forget about him before another person I care about leaves me alone and troubled. "I know you can't sweetheart, but you have to. you have to move on, he can't ruin everything for you. don't let him ruin your life." 

"he said he loved me," I cry into his shoulder. 

"I know," Kitts soft voice only manages to calm me a little. "I'm sure he did love you but plans change and people break up, that's a part of life. you will find love again just as I did and once you find it, you will be the happiest you have ever been." 

"you will find love again I promise," Kitt whispers. 

*ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚

"Hey! AJ wait up," I stop when I hear Rosetta's voice. she is wearing a short dark red dress and black high heels, her hair is long brown and curly and dispite the tall heels she is walking through the palace halls with ease. "your dad wanted me to tell you that we are going to have a big family and friends dinner in about an hour." 

"um okay," I say quietly. "Who is going to be there?" 

"um, your parents and siblings, my parents, uncle Kitt, aunt Juniper and Aspen, Rowan with his parents and his sister, Aurora and Celeste,  and I think Gabriel will be there with his parents. Andy and Mak couldn't make it because Priscilla has a stomach bug." she says with a small smile. I know her smile is forced, whenever I have these short conversations with people they always force a smile. they know I'm not okay and they know I would rather be doing anything besides talking to them. I have come to hate the fake smiles more than I would have hated it if they just frowned at me.