Designing Doubts

Chapter 2

"Celya, get off your phone! We're going to be late!"

I looked up from my phone to see my mom standing in the doorway, arms crossed, waiting for me. 

"How can you be late for moving day, Mom? besides I'm ready."

She raised an eyebrow. "Uh-huh. Sure, you are."

I sighed, shoving my phone into my pocket, ready to head out.

"Fix your hair you can't go out like that" she continued before going back downstairs.

I changed course and went to take look at the mirror and sure enough my hair did look a bit messy, since everything I could fix it with was already packed and since I'm a very lazy person I just brushed it out with my hands and put on a my jacket then turned around to leave but not before taking a last look at my room first.

Truth to be told, I was ready hours ago. I couldn't sleep with all the excitement I had for this new chapter, but standing here it feels like I'm not as ready as I want to be or could be.

I don't feel like it's the right choice or rather I don't know what I should be doing to begin with, so nothing feels like the right choice.

I sigh as I close the door and head downstairs to find my mom biting my brother's head off for fighting over something again.

"Do you have everything you need?" she asks when she notices me standing

"Yes, don't worry if i need anything else I'll get it when I swing by"

"Then what're you standing there for come on say goodbye to the boys I'll wait with your dad in the car" she said and left hurriedly

"you're already leaving? No, I don't you to leave me" Sam said as he tackled me into a hug, Sam was 9 years younger than me so that result was to be expected

"Oh, please don't start crying again, he's been crying nonstop for a week now. I can't take it anymore" Oliver whined

"And what you're not going to miss me?" i ask him

"You know I'm a teenager right, we don't share our feelings truthfully, give me 2 years then I'll go back to being human and feel things" he replies jokingly as he bends down to pat Sam's head.

I take that as an opportunity and take them both in a bear hug

"I'll miss you both so much" I say as I squeeze them both

"Oh no, you're not off the hook., if anything happens I'm calling you to deal with it. I'm not equipped to handle this family on my own, and who's going to fix me stuff when you leave?" he said

"Oh no mom is calling, I'm super late, I have to go, I can't hear you," I said jokingly and walked hurriedly outside.

We went outside to find mum and dad already waiting in the car and looking pretty annoyed.

The driveway was filled with Sam's cries Oliver held his hand as they both waved goodbyes.

My heart kept getting heavier as we drove, Sam's cries got further and further away, and they looked so small now I couldn't even see their faces.

After that the ride to campus felt too long at the same time. My parents were doing their best to make conversation—my dad talking about road safety and "keeping my door locked," my mom reminding me to eat real food and call often. I just nodded along, eyes bouncing between the window and my phone, pretending to scroll.

When we finally pulled up in front of the dorms, my heart did this weird twist. It was real now.

The building wasn't what I expected. A bit older, paint chipped in corners, the kind of place that smelled like too many people had lived there before. I clutched the dorm key in my hand like it would unlock something more than just a room.

My dad grabbed the suitcase from the trunk while my mom walked ahead, scanning the building like she was the one moving in.

We took the elevator to the third floor. I was sweating even though the hallway was freezing. My mom knocked on the door like we didn't already have a key.

A few seconds later, someone opened it.

She was shorter than me—but then again, most girls were.
Her eyes flicked up at me, pausing for a second longer than necessary. I was used to that.
I guess I don't exactly look like someone studying interior design. Tall, kind of broad, with wild curls that never stay put and a face that always looks a bit more annoyed than I actually am.

"Hey! I'm Alex" she said, tucking a strand of short ash-blonde hair behind her ear. Her voice was quiet, but friendly.

"Celya," I replied, "Nice to meet you."

She stepped aside to let us in.

The dorm room was smaller than I expected. Two beds, two desks, one window surprisingly had a full view of the sky, the sunlight danced through the curtains illuminating the whole room and giving it a warm feeling that I know I'll need in the next few years. But what caught my eye was Alex's half of the room.

Her side was already full of life—sketches taped to the wall in every direction, and her bed was made like she was in a catalog photo, throw pillows and all.

Meanwhile, my side looked like a sad "before" picture.

Just bags, a plain blanket, and a sense of panic I tried to hide under forced calm.

My parents immediately got to work—Mom inspecting the mattress like it was about to be sold to someone, Dad trying to figure out if my closet door was crooked.

Alex sat down at her bed, headphones still around her neck, and flipped open a sketchbook. She didn't say much, but she gave me another quick smile.

"You'll be fine," my mom said again, smoothing out my jacket like it was armor. "Just don't forget to eat. And don't stay up all night."

"Keep your door locked. And no walking alone after dark," Dad added, with full dad energy.

"I'm not moving to a war zone," I mumbled, half-laughing.

A few more hugs, a lot more instructions, and then they were gone.

The silence that followed was weirdly loud.

I sat down on my bed, suddenly very aware of how empty my half of the room looked. Like taking a look in the mirror if the mirror was eerily similar to your soul.

Alex glanced over once but didn't say anything. Just kept sketching.

Her pencil moved quickly, like she already had something in mind. Or maybe on her mind either way I wouldn't want to be that piece of paper.

I rested my chin on my palm and looked at the blank wall in front of me.

I'll find something to put up there. I just have to fill it at my own pace. I keep reminding myself as if it was about more than just the wall.

Alex suddenly went to the desk and opened her laptop which cut out my train of thoughts.

I really didn't want the next years to be made of this thick silence, so I took at as an opportunity to talk to her, I'm really good at opening people up I think

"So do you major in arts, too?" I ask hoping she can hear me over her headphones, and to my surprise she does.

"Oh no, I'm in computer science" she replied as she took her headphones off

"You're really good, though maybe you can minor in it later?" I say now that I have her attention, I'm going to try to make her open up as much as I can,
my college experience depends on it.

“I want to make games someday, it has always been my dream. But sketching really helps me process my feelings and things I can’t say or handle. It keeps me calm and grounded ”
she says her gaze is fixated on something that isn’t there.

Her eyes filled with what I could only describe as intense pain, but there was something else anger or maybe disappointment. One thing for certain I don’t think I can leave her alone she looks like she had plenty of that.

But now isn't the time to push further.
So instead, I smiled gently and asked,

“Hey… want to grab some coffee later? I
saw a café near the campus gates. Could be a good escape.

She looked at me for a second, like she was measuring the offer.

Then she nodded. “Sure.That sounds nice.”