Not just a game

You'd think day two would be easier.Spoiler alert: it wasn't.I rolled out of bed feeling like I'd been run over by the team bus. My legs were heavy, my calves ached, and even my toes were sore - which felt like a personal attack. But that wasn't what really bothered me. It was the nerves.Worse than yesterday's.Because now they knew I exist.Now I wasn't just the academy kid getting a chance—I was the academy kid they'd have to see again. The one who had to prove she could keep up.And I am not sure I can.---The walk through the training ground was quieter today. No excited rush, no butterflies—just a tight feeling in my chest, like the whole world was waiting to see if I'd crack.

I showed my ID to the receptionist, gave a tired smile, and walked into the locker room trying to act like I belonged.

Beth Mead was already there, tying her boots and singing under her breath to something playing through her phone. She looked up, grinned, and waved. "Hey rookie."

Rookie huh.

It should've stung, but the way she said it felt...kind. Playful. Like it was okay to be new.

"Hey," I mumbled, sitting on the bench and starting to lace up. I tried not to look at how fast her fingers moved, how efficient. Mine shook slightly.

"Don't worry," she said without looking up. "We've all been the new one. Just try not to nutmeg Leah unless you're ready for a lecture."

I laughed, nerves cracking a little. "I wouldn't have anything against it even if I did get a lecture."---Warm-up was faster today. Sharper. No easing in. Jonas Eidevall's voice rang through the air like a metronome."Decision-making!" he yelled. "Faster! You need to see the game, not chase it!"

I was doing my best not to chase it, but the tempo felt relentless. We moved from rondos into 4v2 transition drills, then straight into a tactical shape session that made my brain fry.

At one point, I turned into traffic and got the ball nicked cleanly by Laura Wienroither."Better body shape," she offered with a smile. "See the pitch before the ball gets to you."I nodded, embarrassed but grateful. Every player around me moved like they already knew where the next two passes would go. I still felt like I was reading subtitles in a movie they'd memorized.---Scrimmage was next.

I got placed on the second team, mostly academy grads and squad players. Leah was on the first team, commanding the back line like a general. You couldn't miss her—every few seconds, she was shouting directions, pointing, reading the game like she had a cheat code.

I tried to keep my focus, but about halfway through, I lost a ball under pressure and passed it straight to Katie McCabe.

She didn't hesitate. One touch. Bang. Top corner. Game paused. Red team celebrated.

I just stood there.Frozen.

A million thoughts ran through my head like: You're not ready. You're slowing them down. You're not good enough.

And then I heard her.Leah.She jogged over to me, calm but direct. "Head up."I looked at her. I think my face gave everything away—frustration, panic, shame.

"If you want to sulk," she said, "you can do it after training. Right now, we need you switched on."

I blinked. "Sorry."

"Don't be sorry," she said, voice softer now. "Be better."

It hit me harder than any tackle ever had.Not because it was harsh. But because it was real.---The rest of the session, I played like my spot depended on it.I pressed quicker. Got tighter to my mark. Tracked runs I'd missed earlier. I started talking more, calling out passes, asking for the ball. My confidence wasn't perfect, but it was louder than my fear.

When I intercepted a pass meant for Frida Maanum and launched the counter, the sideline actually clapped.

It wasn't dramatic or anything. Just a few coaches and squad players showing acknowledgment.But to me?To me it felt like fireworks.
---Training ended with some finishing drills—something lighter to close the day. I took every shot seriously, even when the others laughed and joked around.

Caitlin tried a ridiculous backheel volley. It missed by a mile and sent her into a giggling fit.

"You planning to score with that in a real match?" Beth called out.

Caitlin shrugged. "You never know."

They were all so relaxed. Like they were playing in their backyard, not on one of the best women's teams in the world. Like they were a family.

I wanted to be that calm. That free.

Maybe someday.---Back in the locker room, the vibe had shifted. Louder today. Music thumped softly from someone's speaker—Afrobeats or something chill. The girls were joking, chatting about the weekend, upcoming games, what snacks they were craving.I

 sat in the same spot as yesterday, untying my boots slowly, listening.

No one was ignoring me.Kim nodded as she walked past. "Much better today."I smiled, stunned. "Thanks."

Even Leah gave me a glance across the room and a subtle thumbs up before disappearing into the showers.

---I took a bit longer than I needed to. Not because I was tired—but because I didn't want to rush the moment. The silence after everyone left. The smell of sweat and turf and effort.I looked at the jersey hanging in my locker. My name on the back. The crest over the heart.And I thought:> It's just the beginning. But it's mine.---I was about to leave when I bumped into Leah in the hallway.She leaned against the wall, arms folded, that same unreadable half-smile on her face.

"You were better today," she said.

"Thanks," I replied, already waiting for the 'but.'

"Still tight on the turns," she added. "You're fast, but you're not using it right yet."

I nodded. "I'll work on it."

"I know you will." She paused, then pushed off the wall. "You've got fire. That's what matters."Then she walked off, her boots clicking against the concrete.

---That night, I curled up in bed with my knees to my chest and opened the Notes app on my phone.> Day 2.> Everything hurts but in a good way.> I made mistakes, but I also made 'progress'.> "Don't be sorry. Be better."> I think Leah believes in me. I think I'm starting to believe in me too.I saved it, locked my phone, and let myself fall asleep with a small smile.---A/NWould you want Leah as your mentor?