Avoiding Past And Future

to whoever you are, congrats.

you stole the only safe space i still had left. clearly you know who i am on discord since u went and complained. or maybe you were somebody i trusted and looked up to, yet you decided that eventho none of this was shared in-server or even remotely connected to it, it still wasn't okay because how dare i show emotions beyond faked happiness or whatever your motivations were. who knows but you. if u had any genuine concerns about me, about the stuff i shared here to explain why updates were slow or worse quality, you could have just dmed me but no, now the only place that was keeping me semi stable got stolen and destroyed. as if i didn't have enough ao3 cursed bs going on, now this as well. as if i havent written a single word in a chapter for the past nearly 2 months, the only place that could have helped me write again got violated beyond redemption. all i wanted was to be part of the community, to share some issues that were affecting my writing because i genuinely have nobody else to share them with and i felt like i owed everybody an explanation. but that was a mistake on my part i suppose. maybe the community i was trying to be a part of only existed in my head

you win, i hope you're happy now

to everybody else,

im sorry to say ill have to put writing on a hiatus. no idea for how long ill be gone. i swear i was doing what i could, throwing whatever creative juices i had in whatever fic wanted to be written. i was so excited too, knowing that once apaf was done, i had a couple of new long fics that i adore to take its place. i was even struggling to put together a definite runner up because they all have so much potential and i was so hyped for them all. to show them off and share the delectable chaos my brain created. there are some crumbs on my tumblr and if anything creative happens for the time being, that's where you'll be able to find any updates. ill be leaving ao3 desolate until i actually have content to update the 2 ongoing wips and the final instalment to my oneshot series. im holding off on posting any new works until they're fully written (not just fully planned out like before) to prevent any of this dragged out bs from happening again.

(https://www.tumblr.com/pikawings or the link at the bottom of the chapter)

i had a schedule planned out, a 36 step masterplan to finish not only apaf but a couple other works before the end of the year. i think it's safe to say i can throw that plan in the trash as i am now nearly 2 months behind schedule and the previous timing should have been an apaf arc every 2 weeks. by now it'll be a miracle if i can even get one out of the 12 stories finished and might even have to sell whatever is left of my soul to get apaf done by its second posting anniversary (October 28th) as i had hoped i could do. Im starting to think it was the schedule and me overestimating my ability to anything that caused the issues with writing. I was supposed to get chapter 7, hell even chapter 8 according to the schedule, for broken wings out over a month ago. The whole thing is planned out, what happens when and how to end it. but i just couldnt get the words to word. any time i tried to write, all motivation evaporated. and then i started hyper fixating on other wips because at least for that it did word the way i wanted things to word. that evil part of my brain also decided i cannot stray from the schedule and do two apaf arcs back to back bc "that would cause burnout". well....look where that got me. incapable of writing for anything since i cant deal with more than 2 active wips at the same time. i guess that dwindled to not being able to handle any wips, for which i genuinely and sincerely apologize for

as for this entire mess. this will be the final life update A/N you'll see of me. if i ever do return there will be nothing but in-fic dates, chapter specific content warnings and however many chapters i have in that arc, if even that last part. ill try to answer comments if i am mentally and emotionally capable but i cant promise anything at this point. id hate to be an even bigger disappointment than i already am.

it also really doesnt help that i had to lock (ao3) all of my works because of an AI scrapping incident that happened. i had been holding off from doing so as i wanted my stuff to be accessible for everybody to read but knowing my work, something i put literal sweat and tears into, got stolen to be used for vile AI training broke something in me. ive always been against generative ai of any sense so knowing my stuff got stolen for that was beyond icky

if i end up coming back with updates, this will be deleted so any further activity on this or any story will be geniune

from the bottom of my heart, thank you for sticking by me and hopefully until we see each other again 💜