a series of beautiful blunders | ryeji

Ryujin wants to love Yeji—Ryujin wants to tell her that, but that'll make Yeji feel worse and she doesn't want that, so it's left unspoken.

Ryujin wants to love someone who doesn't dig pretty fingers into Ryujin's open wounds and doesn't pry Ryujin's pliant heart open with sweet nothings that mean nothing. That's Yeji to her, and she wishes that she can fall in love with her again.

(But Ryujin's in love with Yuna.

And life is full of potholes.)

Everyone is still gathered, playing Truth or Dare at Jimin's place. Ryujin had just finished her dare of kissing Yuna, everyone around them cheered except for Yeji.

Yuna still sits on her lap, so she tightens her grip on Yuna's shirt, and she sees her eyebrow raising and her brown eyes twinkle in confusion. Selfishly, she mentally apologizes to Yeji, and pulls Yuna close. She kisses Yuna again, but doesn't manage to wipe the smug smile off her lips. Another round of cheering went on, excluding Yeji again.

(Ryujin just seemed to have stepped into more than one pothole.)

~

Ryujin finds herself in the kitchen. She wordlessly wanders, using her want for a glass of water as an excuse.

(No one wonders why Ryujin wants water instead of soda. She hates water.)

"I'm surprised."

Ryujin looks up from her glass of water on the kitchen counter to see Yeji walking in, holding her own empty glass. Ryujin waits for Yeji to continue, sipping her water as Yeji grabs the bottle.

As Yeji pours, she finally says, "You hate drinking water."

She's not shocked–of all the people in the room, Yeji would notice. There's laughter from the living room, and she hears Yuna's distinctive voice before Ryujin asks, "Are you alright?"

Yeji chuckles, hopping to sit on the kitchen counter, "I should be asking you that."

Ryujin turns, leaning against the opposite kitchen counter and looking up at Yeji. There's a lopsided smile on her face as she says, "Yeah, I'm good. You?"

Yeji shrugs, barely giving any distinctive answer for Ryujin to comprehend, and she hums, swinging her legs, "You could've said no if you didn't want to do it, you know?"

"I know," Ryujin answers with a chuckle—it's a self-depreciating one, raspy and mocking, "But I wanted to."

There's more yelling, and there's a pause in their conversation as Yeji nods, taking a gulp of her drink. Ryujin watches as Yeji sets the cup down next to her.

"I understand," Yeji says, giving Ryujin a small smile. The latter's jaw clenches as the guilt seeps in slowly, and she takes a drink to try to wash it away. Yeji's eyes are casted downwards, hands gripping at the edge of the counter, "I would've done the same."

Ryujin's eyes raise from her cup, "With Yuna?"

"No, you idiot," Yeji laughs–it's her amused one–and she shakes her head, her tone becoming softer, gentler, "If it were you."

Ryujin hums in acknowledgement, feels the guilt seeping in again, and her head drops. There's laughter again, and she hears Yuna yelling in protest, Jimin yelling a reply. She stares at Yeji's feet and sees light pink nail polish–Yuna's choice and application while Yeji was doing her work–and feels herself gripping at the edge of the counter. Yeji crosses her feet, and Ryujin wonders if Yeji knows the guilt Ryujin feels. Maybe she's even doing it on purpose.

She sees Yeji hopping off the counter, taking a step towards her, and her head raises when she feels Yeji taking her hand. Yeji is smiling–her small, sincere and warm smile on her pink lips. She hears Yuna's voice again–high-pitched and distinctive–and she thinks of the hurt Yeji's probably going through. Ryujin wonders if Yeji's heart is as tired as hers after being stretched and beaten numerous times. Ryujin thinks that it's only fair that she feels the guilt–she's the cause of Yeji's pain, anyway.