I'll Never Be Little

Alex's POV
The meds absolutely sucked.

I didn't have problems with almost slipping anymore, but I was stuck between being numb or just dead tired.

I came early as usual and sat in the crib, Nathan sat annoyed at one of the desks, still grumbling about me coming to school this early.

I watched as my classmates filed in. Gabriel and Ethan came in first. They looked much less like they wanted to kill eachother compared to last week, which was good.

But Ethan still insisted on playing with me every day. Especially when he was in his headspace. I was never in the mood for him. However, unlike before, if I insisted, he'd play with Gabriel instead.

Nikki and Joshua came in not long afterwards. Joshua had been acting odd recently but I never pushed them for why. Nikki was just being Nikki, but looked a little more dead, but I mean, so did I.

I guess Joshua was facing the same thing Gabriel did earlier. If so, we had to work that out.

With Nathan, he already knew I wasn't really into that, but to make sure it wasn't at his expense, I agreed for an hour each day when we'd craft together. However, I could tell he wanted to do more and it wouldn't be fair to keep that from him.

That was where the suppressants came in. I could still participate in those Little activities without dropping. Everybody wins.

I already discussed this with Nikki so why she was still holding back from Joshua was beyond me.

When the lesson started, I got out of my jail cell and went over to hers. She was sitting cross legged, leaning her head on her hand.

"Hey, what's with you and Joshua? Why are you still pushing him away?"

"It's just hard, you know? I don't want to slip an-"

"It doesn't matter if you think you can't or you can. You can't do that to someone."

She sighed, flopping back on the mattress. "Okay, I'll try my best. Now go away."

Great. A problem I didn't have to solve. Wish that happened more often.

Heading back to my crib, I waited for even an inkling of joy to spark, but nope. Nothing.

The lesson finished for the Caregiver early so they had extra time to spend with the Littles. Yipee. I mean, there could have been one for the Littles, but if there was, I wasn't paying attention.

Many Caregivers went to their Littles with the usual Little items. Nathan came over to me with nothing. Giving me the choice as usual.

"Whatchu thinkin' today, little man?" he said, resting his arms on the crib bars.

"You can do whatever," I said., shrugging. He looked at me shocked.

"Like anything?" I hoped I wouldn't regret this.

"Yeah. I'll let you do it this time." He brightened up instantly, a smile stretching across his face.

"You have your pacifier?" he asked. I sighed. Yup. Of course I did.

I took it, cleaned it and stuck it in my mouth, feeling a little proud that I didn't move one inch into littlespace. That was quickly replaced by a growing headache. Jeez, just let me have a win.

He came over with a shark plushie and I took it without hesitation. I wanted to test the limits of the suppressants.

Holding it to my side, I was surprised to find out that the headspace was still completely suppressed. All I had to do now was act that part.

Everything was going completely fine. I'd never seen Nathan this happy. I should do this more often.

He got up and came back with a bottle looking hopeful. He was really taking the 'anything' to the max, huh.