----Dan's POV----
I don't know what had possessed me to do this but I had already set up my camera, I just needed to tell them all the truth.
I hit record and sat quietly for a moment before speaking.
"Um... Hey internet...." I gulped, "so yeah.... I guess first I have to apologise for not uploading anything for a while; I know it's been longer than expected but I'm not really sure how many of you really care, I mean I'm pretty much just here for your entertainment, right? So yeah... That's the video bit atleast." I felt my chest tighten as I struggled to gather up enough energy to say this next part, "So yeah you guys can just stop watching here I guess..." I leant forward, realising I didn't really feel ready to tell them, to tap the record button again. I stopped, just before I pressed down.
"But before I /do/ go, there's something I'd like to say: Phil, I've always been desperately in love with you and I know just for this you and about half the Phandom will hate me now and the other half will implode, but it's true. I'ved loved you since you first apeared on my laptop screen. Your inky coal lion mane of hair, your ocean eyes, your moonlight skin. Everything. But when I finally plucked up the courage to tell you, you threw it all in my face! You made me feel like all the others had. But this time, because it was you, I believed them. I mean I still do. I am the wothless freak who crept through the corridoors when no one was looking because I have always been so ugly that I do not deserve to be seen. I am the fag who got beat up because I deserve every last bruise and scar. I am the fat emo who was never able to do anything because I always burst into tears over nothing. I am the idiot who thought it was oki to be different." I smiled reluctantly as I felt my eyes begin to sting with tears.
"Guys, the only reason why I'm here right now is because of the man who has just left me to die." I lifted my arms to show the camera. They were covered in over a hundred fresh cuts each. With every word my mouth uttered they seemed to itch more and more. "Well, I say just, he left me about a week and a half ago, and I doubt I'll ever see him again. I'm unsure as to whether these words shall be my last or whether I shall live to see another day or whatever, but just in case," I took a shapt intake of breath "Then Phillip Michael Lester, I love you."
I stopped recording and uploaded the video to my computer. I saved it but put it straight onto youtube, no editing, no nothing.
I went into the kitchen to find my 'friends' beconing me to take them into my fist. I could only oblige.
I slunk down against the lower-cabinet doors and struck my wrist with the blade, holding the handle firmly in my hand.
"I'm sorry." I muttered to no one, striking my wrist over and over again, not even a marshmallow of flesh visible for all my saving wounds.
I relaxed into the wood-style plastic of the cupboards and flooring.
I closed my eyes, embrasing the darkness and agony my life had given me.
A/N Hey yeah I'm sorry this chater is so short but since the last one was so long I kind of didn't want this one to drag. I asure you that it's gonna be better soon :) and the ending is soon too :/
anyway ty guys+bye
-kate
x
