Perfect Doesn't Last Forever

Chapter Eleven

            And of course, I loved Noah and he loved me.  Noah supported me and my education and helped me pass two of my classes last quarter.  Noah was the little escape I had from my responsibilities and while presently I had little stress coming from my life, he was still my de-stressor.  Noah loved me and stood by me even though I had a daughter with another man who he knew.  Nothing was worth losing Noah. 

            But Damien still kept jabbing my thoughts as I looked through piles of books for my research paper.  He was that little tick that began showing up after that day in the park with Maya.  I continually tried to refocus myself on my paper, but my brain couldn’t block Damien out.  Damien, who I spend most of my high school life with and obsessed over; Damien, the father of my daughter, the man who I would be stuck with until the day I died.  There was no escaping him, no matter how hard I tried.  Hayley was too important to me for me to abandon Damien and Hayley’s family. 

            Letting out a frustrated sigh, I stared at my two paged paper.  Only one-fourth done­, I mentally shouted to myself, two hours and still only two pages done.  I opened up my internet browser and signed onto my school portal to look up my midterm grades.  As the page loaded, I readied myself.  I knew that I did well, but I didn’t know how well and I didn’t want to have high hopes.  I studied more for these midterms than I did last quarter, but I could have studied more, I knew it.  I slowly scrolled down the page when it finished loaded to reveal a B and two C’s.

             I wanted to jump for joy, but I was still slightly dissatisfied.  The B was a great improvement, but I still wasn’t doing any better in my Physics and Sociology class. I slammed my laptop screen down and rushed to put all my stuff away.  I needed Noah.  I needed him to reassure me that everything was fine and that I would be able to pass my classes.  After putting all my books away, I rushed across campus and up the hill to Noah’s room.  Keying myself into the building, I took the stairs two at a time up to Noah’s floor and knocked on his door, hoping that he would be there. 

            “Babe,” Noah greeted happily, letting me into his room.  “What’s going on?”

            “Everything sucks!” I said loudly, tossing my things aside onto Damien’s vacated bed and throwing myself onto Noah’s bed.  “I hate school!”

            “What happened Britt?” Noah asked worriedly, sitting at the edge of his bed.  “I thought you were ready to write the paper.”

            “I was, I got two pages done and then I checked my grades,” I told him, propping myself up on my elbows.  “I got to damn C’s in the two classes I took LAST quarter.”

            “I’m sorry Britt,” he said softly, running his hand down my leg, as I dropped my head back down onto his bed.  “At least you did better than last quarter!  You’re showing improvement.  You’ll be able to bring those grades up!  The professor commented on your sociology papers that he was impressed with your thoughts and writing.  I’m sure your papers will keep you safe.”

            “I know, but still!  How can I not be doing better than this?” I exasperated, wiggling out of my sweatshirt.  When I threw it aside, I looked up at Noah, who had a pained expression.  “What?”

            “That’s a nice shirt you have,” he commented monotonously.  He lifted his comforting hand off my leg and got up as I looked down. 

            Damien’s shirt.  I guess I should have cared more when I got dressed.  “Umm… thanks?”

            “Why are you wearing his shirt?”