Half-Breed

After a while, my father mentally cleared his throat to get my attention, and I slowly blinked but didn't say a word, waiting for him to say something or to ask me his question that I knew was burning in the back of his mind. How are you feeling, Neeley? he asked, and I could hear the concern in his voice. You haven't said a single word yet, and I am getting nervous that you are not ok and that this was too much for you all at once.

I am confused, I replied and mentally furrowed my brows, biting the inside of my lip. I do not know how to process my emotions or if I should be able to process them so early on in whatever is happening between the two of us.

My father mentally hummed and nodded. Do you want to talk about it? he asked, gently pressing the issue with some hesitation in his voice as if he had no idea if I would open up to him about what it was that was going on between the two of us and why I was feeling confused.

I do not know how, I replied honestly and grabbed my gun tighter in my hand. You are in my mind, so you can go ahead and take a peek at everything that I am feeling and thinking. I do not know why you are asking me how I am feeling when that is something that you can actually look into.

My father chuckled softly. It's because I am making sure that I do not take an accidental peek at your thoughts and memories, he replied. I want to give you some respect, even though I am in your mind and can move your body at will.

I held back an eye roll when I caught the thought of him not wanting to see me having sex with a boy or kissing anyone on the lips. I had never had sex with a boy or kissed one fully on the lips like that before, Dad, I said and turned my head a little to look at Timothy, who had stayed by my side and was lost in his own thoughts while he made sure that we were safe. He wasn't the only one that had caught sight of someone... special that day.

My father hummed softly and gently had me look toward the way that we were going, scanning the area to make sure that we were safe and alone. Was it love at first sight? he asked teasingly, and I couldn't help but roll my eyes while my cheeks turned red.

Let's just say that it was more of a 'this boy is going to be the death of me somehow, and I do not know if I am going to like it or not' type of feeling, I replied. Every time he popped up where I was, I couldn't help but grow increasingly annoyed with him. I would shove him down, be mean to him, and all of that good stuff, but he would keep coming back around. If there was partner work or something, he would always want to be my partner and wouldn't take no for an answer.

Because he liked you, and I am sure that he feels as if he is actually seen underneath your gaze, my father said with a small chuckle in his voice. What is his favorite color, or do you even know?

Blue, I replied instantly without any hesitation in my answer because I knew that was his favorite color. Well, it's actually blue green with the softest bit of a green undertone in it that offsets the bluish color. I mentally shrugged and grimaced. He once told me that he found a new favorite color, and it is called blurple. I knew that he was full of it because he was wearing something blue green at the time, so I told him, 'you are full of crap. You just like the name.'

My father chuckled softly. Did he admit to it?

Yes, I replied and mentally nodded, but I still got him some things that were blurple, including a pair of socks that he sometimes wears to missions instead of what we are normally supposed to wear because he calls them his "lucky socks." I got him four more and made sure that he knew to wear his actual socks over them, and that became our little secret.

And that is why he likes you in that way, even though you are different, my father said. You see him past whatever it is that they made him to be. You know what it is like to feel seen but not feel heard, and I am sure that is why you like him, too, even if you can never admit it.

Out loud, I admitted, and not yet. It's not like it is easy to push away years' worth of emotions and feelings while trying to ignore the words that have been pushed down your throat about your self-worth and whatnot. I grabbed my gun tighter and scanned the area, pressing my lips into a thin line while my heart ached and became filled with pain and sadness.

My father sighed, and I had a feeling that he slowly nodded. Forgive me for that, Love, he said, and I could hear the guilt in his voice that he tried but failed to hide. I know that it wasn't easy for you to be a half-breed there, but it would have been worse here. I didn't want you to grow up in a place that would have instilled hatred and fear of getting hurt if you don't do something until you turn out to be a monster that people fear.

I scoffed a laugh and rolled my eyes, blinking back tears that wanted to fall because I felt as if I was a monster already, especially with me being different. And am I not a monster now that people are afraid of, Dad? I asked, trying to keep my emotions bottled up so that I didn't burst into tears and potentially fail this mission because of it. Because it sure feels like it.

Well, he doesn't fear you, my father said and used my head to look at Timothy, who was still looking around to make sure that we were safe, and the glassy look had seemed to leave his eyes as if he came to the conclusion of something that I knew he wasn't going to discuss with me. What did you do after you pushed him down? Did you go too far after you had done that and let him suffer alone in silence?

No, I said and mentally shook my head. I normally help him up and gruffly ask him why he still wanted to be my partner and my friend. If he were accidentally injured with that shove, I'd fix it up and then tell him that I hated him while I did so. It became our thing, and then it became our thing to find each other when we were hiding from everyone and everything because we were just sad or mad about everything that happened to us. We would just sit quietly beside each other, telling the other that we hated each other's guts and trying to make the other laugh.

Even when you both don't actually hate each other's guts? my father asked while a small smile appeared on his face, and I mentally nodded in confirmation.

Watch. I nudged Timothy but not hard like I normally would, fully aware that I had the potential to hurt him more now that I was in this half form that I shared with my father, and he looked at me with furrowed brows and a small frown on his face without saying a word. "I still hate your guts, Copeland," I said without looking at him. "I still can't stand you."

Timothy bit back a snort and nodded, and a small smile appeared on his face. "I hate you, too, Neeley," he said and moved closer to me. "I still hate you, too, and am sad that I have been stuck on this mission with you for so long that I suppose I have to watch your back until the very end."

I nodded. "Until the very end."

And with that, and without another word, we started to work in a way that only we could, for we had known each other for so long and had been through many ups and downs while we tried to find ourselves and our place in this world either together or apart.

And it looked like we had always been meant to be together until the end of time and not just this mission that we both found ourselves on one more time...