Monsters Inside My Head

For so long I tried to escape you,

I thought I'd be better off without you.

I was your prisoner so long that I'd almost forgotten what life was like without you.

Oh god how I hate you--what you did to me,

how you changed me,

what you've taken away from me.

Why won't you leave me alone?

You're everywhere,

always in the back of my mind--

I thought I'd moved on,

yet I remember what it was like when we were intimately acquainted--

dare I say lovers--

you make it seem so appealing now.

But I was miserable with you!

So why do I miss you?

Somehow, some way, you made yourself desirable

you gave me a sick pleasure every time you reared your head, so that I would miss you.

This was your plan all along, wasn't it?

You knew that I'd miss you--

you're so afraid to live without me that you pretend to go away,

then come back ten fold stronger and knock me down;

I am your victim once again.

I am at your mercy, under your control.

Damn you.

You're the drug, and I'm the user.

I cannot escape you because you feel so good--you comfort me,

but you're also killing me slowly.

And you know what the sad thing is?

I really don't give a shit.

I just need that one hit, and I'm hooked

I'll be ok then.

I don't care if I die because of you;

at least I won't be alone then--

and I will take you down with me.

You will never torture me again.

I will be free,

free at last,

and finally, I will be at peace.

Because to live is to be in pain,

and to be in pain is to live.

It is something we avoid,

and when we cannot, we accept--we surrender.

It is something we miss, oddly enough, when it's gone.

We fight for so long, we don't know how to move on,

so we fall back into its horrid embrace, only to be tortured once more.

Nevertheless I continue to fight,

for I am not as weak as I was in the beginning.

I know how to fight.

I have her,

but most importantly,

I have me.