blue neighbourhood ? tronnor (incomplete)

"Guess what!?" I jolted awake, the sound of Connor's voice in my ear violently startling me out of my dream world. I groaned and rolled over, scrunching my eyes closed.

"Is it important?" I mumbled, my voice barely audible due to my face being buried in the pillow.

"Yeah! Well.. Kinda." Connor chuckled, falling silent for a moment. "It's one month until Christmas!"

I sighed and rolled over onto my back, slowly prying my eyelids open. "Whoop-de-doo."

Connor frowned at me from where he was perched on the windowsill. "Chin up, Scrooge."

Despite having fallen asleep in the clothes he'd worn for the entire day, Connor still looked well presented. Even his bed-hair looked good on him, which was something I was greatly envious of. Everything he did was so effortless, and I wanted that power. I must have been staring, because when I zoned back into reality Connor was looking at me with a confused expression.

"I said, don't you like Christmas?"

I blinked hard then shook my head. "Nah, not really."

Connor's eyes lit up at my response. "Me neither! Especially not now my Mom isn't around. Although I never really liked it anyway, I guess she always made it more bearable."

My shoulders dropped. "I'm sorry, Con."

He shrugged. "S'okay."

I didn't understand how, even after everything that had happened, Connor could still carry such positive energy. He seemed to take everything in his stride, determined not to let anyone or anything bring him down, but I knew it was all an act. After the way he'd broken down in my arms and clung to me like a child to their parent, I knew he was vulnerable, he was sad and he was scared. It was obvious enough for anyone to see, but people seemed to see nothing but the smile on his face.

After Connor had finally drifted off to sleep beside me, I'd lay awake for hours. I couldn't stop myself from thinking about what Connor had told me about his family and his personal life. He seemed so strong but I knew he was weak inside, which was why he always seemed so vulnerable. More than anything, I just wanted to take him under my wing and protect him from the world. Yet at the same time, there was something holding me back, but I couldn't work out what. All I knew was that Connor needed me, and I wasn't going to abuse that. I was going to be there for him, particularly now no one else would be.

"How can you just carry on like nothing's wrong?" I asked. "I don't mean to sound rude, but I just don't get it. If I were in your position, I wouldn't even be able to get out of bed in the morning. How do you manage to carry on living your life as normal so well?"

Once again, Connor shrugged. "I don't know. I guess I've got used to putting on a brave face by now, since everything going on at home happens so often. It's probably bad of me to say that but the one thing that motivates me to carry on living my life is the fact that I'm still alive. There's so many times where Dad could've easily snatched my life away with his bare hands, but I've been lucky enough to survive everything. That in itself is more than enough to motivate me, particularly since I never know what day's gonna be my last."

With every word he spoke, my respect and admiration for Connor increased further. He spoke so confidently, like it was something he'd rehearsed in his head a thousand times over, just waiting for the day someone would hear him say it. It clicked - Connor just wanted someone to listen to him. He'd kept all of his thoughts and emotions bottled up in his head for so long, and now he was dying to let it out into the open. Not that I could blame him; he was holding up far better than I ever would considering the circumstances.

"Anyway," Connor quickly changed the subject. "What would you normally do on a Sunday?"

I paused to think. "Uh, I don't actually know. I never really plan my days, I prefer to just take them on as they happen. Why?"

"Just wondering."

Connor returned to gazing out of the window. There was something about the way the natural light pouring through the glass, reflecting onto his pale skin, made him look even more beautiful. There was no denying that Connor was attractive, but I was beginning to wonder whether it was just a platonic attraction, or whether there was something deeper. I convinced myself that it was too early to tell, but it was a feeling I couldn't ignore.

Knowing more about Connor than just the general facts: his favourite colour, where he grew up, what classes he takes at college, enabled me to connect with him on a more emotional level. I liked having a trusting relationship with him; it was the first time I'd been able to establish something of the sort with someone in a very long time. Usually, I found it hard to connect with people and learn to trust them, but there was something different about Connor. Maybe it was the way he found it so easy to open up to me, or how relaxed and comfortable I felt in his presence, even when he was merely sleeping on the pillow beside me.

I knew I would eventually have to take him back home. The concept of potentially bumping into Connor's dad was a thought that terrified me, but that wasn't something I would let onto Connor. If he found out that I was equally as scared of the man as he was, he'd be reluctant to let me go ahead with helping him get away. Connor was so selfless, constantly putting other people before him, but I wasn't sure whether it was a good thing. I wished more than anything that he would learn to put himself first and ensure that he was out of danger at all times, but I knew it would be like asking a parent to choose their favourite child: it wouldn't happen.

"Everything's so blue," Connor breathed, not drawing his attention away from the window. "It's a blue neighbourhood."

I nodded. "Yeah, it's kinda cool. As much as I hate the term, I guess you could say it's very aesthetically pleasing."

Connor chuckled. "Maybe I'll have to take some photos for my Photography project one of the days soon."

"With your eye for photography, I'm sure you'd pass with flying colours."

Connor quickly glanced over at me before looking back out of the window. "Would you mind me photographing you at some point?"

"As in, you want me to model for you?" I asked.

He nodded. "Yeah. Well, sort of. You'd just have to act natural and stuff. I'd tell you what to do before taking any pictures though, don't worry."

I smiled. "Thanks."

"So is that a yes?" Connor beamed.

"Yes, Connor," I chuckled. "It's a yes."

In that moment, with a huge grin on his face and his eyes brighter than I'd ever seen, Connor had never looked more beautiful. My rose was beginning to blossom.