One Direction Imagines Journal

Note. This was not requested by anyone.. I just made it. Please enjoy. Xox.

                                              Niall Horan Imagine.

   You drive down the rode that you've known for only months ago. You never thought it would be for a certain purpose though. Pain shot through your heart, like everyday, but you push it back. You needed this, you owe it to him. Soon, the familiar hill came to view and you pulled over. You grabbed the small box that has been by your side for weeks, and hugged it to your chest.

  After taking a couple breaths, and making sure you didn't cry.. You opened your car door. When you slowly got out, memories of you and Niall flooded your head. The first time you met, the first time you kissed.. It made you smile. A warm breeze blowed on your face, and goosebumps filled your arms. You started walking toward the hill, with a big oak tree at the top. The wind circled you, almost as if guiding you toward it.

  The sun's heated made you feel warm on the outside, but you know what's on the inside is far from that. You pass the patches of flowers here and there, and the clover patch. You stopped and stared at the ground, pain shooting through your chest. You remember how Niall first took you here when you first started dating. He made you smile, then found a four leafed clover.. Saying that this would make you feel loved. He placed it on your hand and you were first puzzled. That's when he first kissed you, at the small clover patch..

  You looked toward the tree to see the old rope swing you and Niall made, so when ya'll came he could push you and make you squeal with joy. You walked over to the big tree and saw the carved heart into it with ya'lls initials in the inside. A warm fuzzy filling filled you when you remembered how he proposed to you at sunset on this very hill. You gazed out into the sky before you started to speak.

  "Hey baby.." You gave him a weak smile. "It's nice to finally see you." You slowly sank down on the swing and closed your eyes, letting the sun's warmth kiss your face. "The boys miss you, so does the family, especially the kids..." You look at him again. "Brody keeps asking me when you will come home, and Erin just waits for my answer before she runs to her room to cry. Brody still doesn't understand." You sigh, trying to make sure your voice doesn't crack, but you failed. "We visited your mother last week, and she is not looking well. I fear the depression is really taking her. Unless Erin or Brody around, or even Theo, I don't see her really smile anymore... Brody is a mini you, baby. Each day he is growing up and he's acting more and more like you. Especially with his appetite." You could hear his musical laughter as you said that, and you smiled. "Erin almost quit her guitar lessons, but I convinced her that you wouldn't wanted her too. She's starting to write her own music, and her country (American) accent makes it so cute..." You pause. "I made the decision to move back here though, America has you everywhere I turn and it brings back all the memories.. Not that i'm complaining. I just need to be here, where I can remember the real you. Then Niall Horan who was my soul mate, and love.. Not celebrity crush." You look down at the box as tears filled your eyes. "I saw you in my dream a couple nights ago.. I know it was you babe." You gave out a small chuckle. "In my dream, you kissed my head and said sorry.. I asked why, and you know what you said to me? Out of all the things you could apologize for?" You paused again, hearing his chuckle, encouraging for you to go on. "You said you were sorry for eating the last of my birthday cake. I love you baby, but that was just you being...." You sighed again, letting go of the tears you've been holding back for weeks. "You.." More and more tears went down your face. "Why did you have to leave us Niall? You left when we least expected it.. I know it was a tragic mistake, but baby.. I can't live my life without you.." You started to scream. "WHY THE HELL DID YOU LEAVE US? THE BOYS, YOUR FAMILY, YOUR KIDS... WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME?! I FEEL LIKE ITS MY FAULT BECAUSE I LET YOU GO OUT THAT NIGHT. I LET YOU WALK OUT THAT DOOR NOT KNOWING YOU WERE NOT COMING BACK!" You fell to the ground, landing on your knees as sobs came from your body. The pain you kept at bay for so long came out. There was no more barriers  no more walls, no fake happiness or smiles. You just let the pain go.

  You cried for hours upon hours until you had no more tears. You sat there and watch the meadow of flowers and clovers dance in the wind. You let go of the guilt that was eating you alive inside, but the pain was still there. As the sun began to set, you looked at Niall again. "I came here to tell you that I came to a decision ." You trailed off, and looked at the small box. You opened it slowly and peered at the contents in it. "I decided to live on, live for both of us. I will never love another Niall.. You stole my heart here, and theres no more for me to move on. I know you would want me to be happy, Liam says it all the time.. But I just can't." You slowly grasped an old photograph and smiled. "I'm going to remember our past Niall, and l'm going to make the future. I'm going to help our kids make their dreams come true like you did." You placed the picture by him, then placed a single white rose. You look toward the sunset, "It's getting late.. I should head back to your mom's house before the kids start to worry.." You smile at him and slowly gripped your necklace. You started to play with his and your wedding rings. "I will always love you Niall.. I hope to see you soon.."

  You kissed his tombstone thats placed by the tree. You stare at your wedding picture of you and him kissing, with the rose lying beside it. You rose from the ground and gazed at him one last time, then walked to your car. You still didn't feel comfortable in cars, since that brought up the thought of Niall's death. You despised the combination of alcohol and driving more then you did before you lost him.. And you also despise that Niall wasn't even the drunk driver and he passed. You looked at the hill one more time before turning your car around and heading for home. You looked back multiple times, and every passing moment, it got smaller and smaller until it disappear from sight.

  You kept true to your decision on moving on to another man as you grew old. You raised your kids with the knowledge of knowing Niall would want them to follow their dreams. When your time came, Niall was right there to greet you. He pulled you into a tight embrace and kissed you softly, saying that he would never leave you again.