identity | reus + lewandowski

December 14, 1938

It's almost Christmas and for the first time ever since I've moved in with Robert I am genuinely happy. Well, as close to genuine as I can get, at least. I think, because it's the holiday season, he's attempting to boost my mood. But as a Jew, I don't celebrate Christmas and never have—last year, in 1937, Robert and I weren't really on the best terms during Christmas, so he didn't do much. We simply just went to Mario and Ann-Kathrin's home for dinner.

This year, however, we'll all be going to Marco's home. I bet Elisabeth—that stupid, antisemitic wife of his—can't even cook. Actually, I know. Robert told me that his group of friends always avoids going to Marco and Elisabeth's home for a reason, but since she's been bragging nonstop about how it's been augmented, there really was no way to shut her up about it other than going to see it for ourselves...

"Margaret, you've been rather quiet." Robert entered the kitchen to see me writing in the diary, which had now become my favorite pastime, since I couldn't actually sew and cooking wasn't at the top of my talents either. "Oh," he spoke.

I glanced up at Robert and ignored him before looking down at my writing. Robert drew in a breath, disappeared, and came back minutes later; his black uniform gone. I smiled at him. "Hello."

He kissed my forehead. "How was your day?"

"I didn't do much." I responded, closing the diary. "How was yours?"

He played around with his bottle of beer. "Same old, same old." He spoke, with the shrug of a shoulder.

I frowned a little. "Which means?"

"I was patrolling the town square, along with Marco. He no longer works at the camp."

"What exactly are you guys patrolling for?"

Robert's cobalt eyes pierced mine and he spoke, his voice soft. "Jews."

"Do you see any?"

"No. They know better, by now...coming to the dense parts of town is just too dangerous." Robert sighed. Just last month, a law had been passed that Jewish children could no longer attend Non-Jewish schools—of which, in Dortmund at least, was all we had—so, essentially, Jewish children could no longer go to school. Also, Jews had been fined one million marks for the damage done on Kirstallnacht, which was stupid because it was the Nazis who went and destroyed all of our property and ransacked our homes and shops. So, what money were we to pay for that with?

"What would you do if you caught one?" I inquired, tucking my hair behind my ear. I knew what Marco would do, and prayed he wouldn't do the same.

Robert bit his lip. "Well, I suppose I'd chastise him."

That wasn't terrible, I thought. Compared to killing them on the spot. But the thought of Robert beating a Jew up left a sour taste in my mouth and even caused my heart to speed up, certainly not in a good manner. Robert took my hand in his and stood up, bringing me with him. "But let's not discuss that right now, Maggie. Let's talk about how beautiful you look today, or what you want for Christmas. Anything."

I felt my face burn. "I don't want anything."

Robert hugged me to him and began to sway to the music that had been playing out of the record player softly, ever since he'd gotten home. He loved music, and I guess it was rubbing off on me, too; I was softly humming along to Doris Day's Blue Skies, a song that I didn't even know I had memorized.

"Nonsense." He responded, smiling down at me. "There's got to something. A necklace, a dress, shoes..."

I shrugged and shook my head, smiling pleasantly. "I want the war to end...I want Hitler to die...I want to see my family, or for them to emigrate. Other than that, nothing."

Robert paused and stared at me, his blue eyes filled with intent. "I can make one of those happen."

"Which one?" I spoke, rolling my eyes slightly. He was certainly joking.

"It wouldn't be a surprise if I told you right now, would it?"

"If you assassinated Hitler, Robert, I would love you forever."

"I wouldn't be alive much longer, though, for you to love me." He responded, with a chuckle. I jutted my lip out, knowing that I could rule that option out. Still, I hoped that Robert kept his promises.

"What about you, then?" I inquired, as he began to sway yet again. "What would you like?"

Robert was back to standing still as he moved his hands down my back and then intertwined his fingers with mine, the corners of his lips twitching into a smile. "I don't want anything, surprisingly." He noted, with a shrug and an eyebrow raise. Indeed, it was surprising, but at least it would make me feel slightly less guilty, because I couldn't get him anything.

I shook my head. "No, you have to want something."

"I used to, but not anymore. Not since you and I came to an understanding about the way we feel." He squeezed my hip, causing me to jump and titter a little. "As long as you're here, Margaret, and you're safe...I have everything I'll ever need."