Wounded Hearts

Chapter twenty-one

Laila

I stood beside his bed numb and unmoving as he looked around with a lost look that made my heart stop for a second. Tears were falling from his eyes as he tried to hug his family back. It felt so foreign to see Zachariah cry and it made me as sad as ever as I tried to avoid looking at him as it made butterflies fly in my stomach and let me tell you not of the good type.

"Laila" he murmured softly

"I'm here, Zach" I answered softly with the old nickname I used while holding my emotions back as always but this time it was harder or rather the hardest of all.

"I'm sorry for everything" he said

"For God's sake Zach, don't think about silly things now. It's not the time at all" I answered angrily, redoing my scarf. His mother and sister were just about to excuse themselves to leave us alone when I excused myself hoping to have some time to breath and get my feelings together. I need to put myself back together.

Exiting the room I immediately asked the closest nurse where the toilets were and headed there. Looking at myself in the mirror, I don't know if I could hate myself more than I do already. I'm a freaking selfish person. I left my family for my own 'protection', breaking their heart. I didn't forgive Zachariah for what he did years ago, breaking his heart as well. I left my brother who already had his own problems and I was partially his first friend,that he trusted with every fiber of his being and I couldn't even trust him one percent. I broke my promise of staying beside him.

Am I really protecting my heart?

Or am I killing myself and the people who cares about me? Do I have the right to not forgive Zachariah? Everybody make mistakes and he clearly knows that he was mistaken. I could feel the hot tears falling from my eyes. I imagined how much Zachariah was now in pain or rather agony. For the first time in his life he lives in the dark knowing that he will forever live in it. I remember clearly how tears slowly fell from his eyes and for the first time I saw him crying. He had looked so lost and sad with his eyes running from left to right as if trying to escape a bad dream, a nightmare actually.

I stopped. I have to get myself together what I am doing is not taking me anywhere. I splashed my face with the freezing water. Taking a tissue I dried up my face, rewrapped my hijab, took a deep breath and exited the toilets.

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330, finally I reached the well memorized room. I was reaching out for the door handle but got stopped by the call of my name. I turned to see Ayman standing with the help of a metal stick. Tears blurred my vision as I felt my heart being gripped tightly. I walked towards him quickly to help him stand as I saw he wasn't that steady and the nurse helping him slipped away as he told him to.

"Why are you here? Are you sick or something?" Ayman asked in concern. I was looking anywhere except his eyes.

"I'm fine. What are you doing out of your room?" I asked back.

"Just walking to improve my legs' state" he answered "Look at me" I didn't. He raised his finger and guided my face to look at him. "You were crying" it was not a question it was a fact. I cringed. What the heck is he doing being so kind to me.

"Come" he said and with my help and his guidance we sat on the nearest seat. "Why were you crying?" Ayman asked.

"Zachariah fainted, fell on the pavement and had a head injury. That's why I'm here." He nodded urging me to continue "the head injury affected his eyesight and now he is blind" I stuttered as I tried to not cry, feeling a lump in my throat.

"Is there something else you are not telling me?" and this was my breaking point. I cried and he just comforted me like he always knew how to. I told him everything how I felt guilty about everything, about Zachariah, him, my family and everything.

"You don't think you are the reason for this do you? God had asked us all to not feel regret, to not live on guilt. What happened happened. You can't un blind Zachariah by just regret he can't go back either and un break your heart. You can't go back and not choose to shut everybody out as a way of protection because of what you went through. God knows us more than we know ourselves. God knew we will let guilt eat us alive but the truth is what God wants happens. All we can do is thank God and learn from our mistakes. But we will always make mistakes, it's our nature, all we try to do is lessen its amount as much as we can. We are not angles. So all you can do is learning from your past and the people's past as well. Go try fixing your mistakes by what you have now in your hands, the present. But by the way Zachariah getting blind is not one of your mistakes. Your mistakes were shutting out and not trusting your friends and family, and not trying to forgive Zachariah. Didn't you tell me that getting bullied was not my fault and I believed you? So believe me this time." He said.

I nodded my head and he gave me a reassuring smile making me force half a smile. "I love you, bro" I said with a smile. "Now dry up your tears and let's go meet this lover boy of yours." He said with a teasing smile and I felt a warm feeling wash over me. It felt like old days. When I was happy and normal.

I knocked on the white door "Come in" his mother answered. I opened the door and entered. "I brought you a visitor" I said. Zachariah's face clear of tears and as if he came out of his surprise.

"Hey, guys. How are you? I'm Ayman, Laila's brother if you remember me" Ayman said to Zachariah's mother as he shook her hand "Of course we remember you, Ayman" she answered with a smile.

"Hi, Marwa. You grew up beautifully" Ayman said his eyes raking all over her as she blushed and shook his hand. Zachariah cleared his throat.

"I may be blind but I swear to God if you don't stop flirting with my baby sister I..." Zach said making me smile. It felt good not to force my emotions away.

"Woah, man! No need to get all protective on me, I was just stating a fact. How've you been?" Ayman said as they man-hugged or rather Ayman man hugged Zachariah.

"I've been better. What about you? I didn't have the chance to visit you after the accident. Are you okay now?" Zachariah answered.

"Of course, you know how strong I am" Ayman joked and Zachariah smiled in reaction.

As I watched this Zachariah laughing and joking with Ayman like the past I couldn't help but understand, realize, and confess to myself that I never really stopped loving him and that I have to forgive him.

In the end, I'll have to see reason. He didn't really have a choice. And he apologized and as Ayman said every human being makes mistakes. Even I did and Ayman forgave me without even thinking about it.

I really do love Zachariah Elsadek and I can't deny it anymore.

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