He Doesn't Even Know I'm Alive! | version 1

I can't believe what I did. What I said to Riker has nothing to do with what we were saying before. Wait. It did. Jenna made me nearly self harm. Natalie found me. I texted Rydel.

To IceCreamBuddy🍦:
I punched Jenna and exposed a bit to much info about me to riker. Ask him.

I put my phone away and took a long shower to try and relax. I put on some music and Dollhouse by Melanie Martinez came on.

I got into black leggings, a white jumper and black boots. I sat on the couch. And started crying. No one was home so I cried so loudly. I cried harder and harder. I looked over at the blue hoodie. Rikers blue hoodie. I held it in my arms and sobbed my heart out. Normally when I feel down I sing. Cheesy. But today I felt so worthless.
And hopeless. I actually thought he liked me. He never has and never will. The door opened and Natalie and Rocky came in giggling. I ignored them and cried more. She's so happy. She found love. I cried till Rikers hoodie was soaked. Then I was in a Ratalie sandwich. They were both hugging me and I didn't stop crying.
"you know Riker hates himself for yelling at you" Natalie says.
"Rydel gave Jenna a bitch slap" Rocky added. I giggled slightly but still had tearing pouring down my cheeks.'
"Hey Riker just made a big mistake by not asking you out. Jenna only pisses you off because she's bored. She hasn't got a life" Natalie says.
"Or maybe Riker isn't good enough for you. You could get a better guy. Way better that Riker" Rocky says.
"You guys are sweet but you should be making out on Natalie's bed not tryin to cheer me up" I say. They laugh.
Then they go quiet. "Dollhouse?"
I smile slightly and nod .

They eventually leave me alone and go upstairs. I fingered the blue material on the hoodie. I can't believe what I did. I went on Instagram and saw a photo of Riker and Jenna. And hate comments. It made me feel a little bit better. I scrolled through Instagram and found so many photos of Riker. He looked so hot. DAMN😍🔥. I'll never find a guy who's as good as Riker. I went on Whatsapp and saw I had 57 messages.
All from Riker. Maybe he does care? I probably screwed things up. AGAIN!
Like always. I went to the guest room and my piano was there. I sat at it and found the right tune:

"When I get chills at night
I feel it deep inside without you, yeah
Know how to satisfy
Keeping that tempo right without you, yeah

Pictures in my mind on replay
I'm gonna touch the pain away
I know how to scream my own name
Scream my name

(I love me)
Gonna love myself, no, I don't need anybody else
(Hey)
Gonna love myself, no, I don't need anybody else
(I love me)
Can't help myself, no, I don't need anybody else
Anytime, day or night
(I love me)
Gonna love myself, no, I don't need anybody else
(Hey)
Gonna love myself, no, I don't need anybody else
(I love me)
Can't help myself, no, I don't need anybody else
Anytime that I like
(I love me)

I'll take it nice and slow
Feeling good on my own without you, yeah
Got me speaking in tongues
The beautiful, it comes without you, yeah

I'm gonna put my body first
And love me so hard 'til it hurts
I know how to scream out the words
Scream the words

(I love me)
Gonna love myself, no, I don't need anybody else
(Hey)
Gonna love myself, no, I don't need anybody else
(I love me)
Can't help myself, no, I don't need anybody else
Anytime, day or night
(I love me)
Gonna love myself, no, I don't need anybody else
(Hey)
Gonna love myself, no, I don't need anybody else
(I love me)
Can't help myself, no, I don't need anybody else
Anytime that I like
(I love me)

Ah, la la la, la la la la la...
Anytime that I like
(I love)

I know how to scream my own name
Scream my name

(I love me)
Gonna love myself, no, I don't need anybody else
(Hey)
Gonna love myself, no, I don't need anybody else
(I love me)
Can't help myself, no, I don't need anybody else
Anytime, day or night
(I love me)
Gonna love myself, no, I don't need anybody else
(Hey)
Gonna love myself, no, I don't need anybody else
(I love me)
Can't help myself, no, I don't need anybody else
Anytime that I like
(I love me)

Ah, la la la, la la la la la...
Anytime that I like
(I love me)"
Tearts started pouring down my cheeks again. I brought my knees up to my chest and cried more. I was wearing Rikers hoodie. Then I felt a hand on my shoulder. I knew who it was but I didn't look up. I couldn't. I told him something that only Nat & Jenna know. And now his family do. Riker picked me up and carried me to the couch. He wrapped his arms round me and I cried more. It was raining on his shirt! Literally! "Is there anything you wanna tell me?" He asks. I was shaking to hard and I shook my head.
"Can you please tell me everything?"
Is he fucking serious!?
"You should go" I whisper.
"What? No!" He exclaims.
"Riker I don't wanna talk to anyone right now!" I say.
"Lena please. Talk to me" he said making me look at him. He's to cute.
"Your so cute" I mutter.

Jenna has been bullying me for years. And I've never got over it. She won't stop! One day I had enough and I took an overdose. Natalie found me and took me to the hospital. She saved my life. That's why I'm so close to her. Whenever I was about to kill myself she was always there. But I feel like I'm losing her. She has a boyfriend and loves him. And now I'm losing Riker to.

I told Riker all of this. Then we were leaning in again. Rocky bursted in and we pulled apart quickly but stayed hugging. Why does this keep happening to us!