Ambivalence [p.h.] - EDITING

chapter 4 || yapping at an unfortunate passerby with your too-big Candor mouth

"No, we're not dating," I spat.  I ran a hand through my hair.  "And I didn't choose Erudite, did I?"

As much Peter was driving me insane, I refused to resign myself to Eddie and Myra's company.  With my arms crossed over my chest, I huffed and gazed back at the stage.  Once the last girl made her choice — an Amity, who skipped up the steps only to return to the same seat — the applause began again.  It was impossible to pay attention to the formalities and the thanks and Marcus' booming voice and the whispers and the chuckles and the commotion.  Instead, I counted the number of people in the Dauntless section who were not dressed in black.  After Eddie, Myra, and I, there were two other Erudites that I noticed; Will, from earlier, and Gregory, whose parents were employed at the same lab as mine.  Five were dressed in black and white, one was dressed in mustard yellow, and the last was still hardly visible in her grey.

A push from the heavily pierced woman behind me alerted me to where most of the ruckus was coming from.  Half of the Dauntless had already made it out the door.  

"Hey," Peter said from behind me.  "What do you think—"  He clammed his mouth shut at my exasperated look.  

"Shut up, we have to go.  Now."  My nails dug into his wrist as I wrenched the both of us out of our chairs and into the crowd.  Though my lungs began to burn from how fast I was moving, the lactic acid buildup in my legs was tolerable.  I was used to doing laps for Rowan.  

"Jax!"

My legs only moved faster. "What?" We fought our way by many of the transfers.

"I can run on my own."

"Not fast enough."

After what felt like forever, the Dauntless pack came to a stop by a set of train tracks.  I let go of Peter's arm.  I was too distracted by my epiphany of how the Dauntless got around to process his reaction to the indent my "claws" had created.  The jumping on and off of trains they were infamous for was not something I was prepared to do.  I groaned and longed for the familiarity and convenience of a solar powered car.  

The train's whistle didn't leave me with enough time to react.  Before I knew it, I had to force myself to keep up with the compartment and the rest of the mob.  The woman in front of me unknowingly became my guide.  Where she went, I followed.  She veered to the right and tumbled in like it was nothing.  It was not nothing.  Pulling myself up with the handle fixed on the exterior proved itself physically demanding.  Eventually I managed to launch myself in safely.  Behind me, Peter and Eddie did the same before lifting Myra in.  I peeked my head back out into the wind, where I could just make out Gregory's red hair flopping around his equally as red face.  His chances grow slimmer and slimmer as the train moves faster and faster. The train passes the edge of the platform.  Reduced to only a speck, Gregory sunk to his knees.  

"Factionless," said the bearded man behind to my left.  If that was our first task, I wasn't sure I wanted to know what the rest of initiation would bring.  Shrinking back into the train, I found myself crammed against a harsh metal wall listening in on the conversations of the people around me.  The tops of buildings and vast green spaces blurred as we sped away.  The minutes wore on.

"They're jumping off."  William's fists were clenched as he alerted the rest of the transfers.  Sure enough, the Dauntless were taking turns flying off the train and landing on a roof about six feet away and separated from the tracks by an abyss that meant certain death.  I gulped.

"No way."  The Amity boy shook his head. "I'm not doing it."

"You've got to," replied a Candor girl, "or you fail. Come on, it'll be alright."

"No, it won't! I'd rather be factionless than dead."  Eddie was the first to leap, followed by Myra only because she was being dragged.  Two other Candors follow closely behind. Peter went next.  I spared the Amity boy another glance.  Within seconds the wind had carried me off the train and onto a patch of unforgiving gravel.  The torn sleeves of my blazer exposed a crop of minuscule cuts.  The sting was just an inconvenience.  At that point, I was happy to still be alive.  Without bothering to brush the dirt off my clothes, I continued to follow the crowd.  I pushed my way through the congregation until I found a spot that allowed me to see. 

"Listen up!" A dark skinned man perched on the ledge of the roof.  The deep creases in his face made him look much older than he probably was.  My mouth was dry.  "My name is Max! I am the one of the leaders of your new faction! Several stories below us is the member's entrance to our compound. If you can't muster the will to jump off, you don't belong here. Our initiates have the privilege of going first."

"You want us to jump off a ledge?" All eyes were on Myra.  Max's expression taught me my first lesson: during initiation, never question the leader.

"Yes."

"Is there water at the bottom or something?"

Max raised his eyebrows. "Who knows?"

When the crowd split in half, it created a pathway from the initiates.  I glanced around at the other transfers.  Nobody was eager to be the first to move.  While trains certainly had their own dangers, using them was something that could be imitated and executed safely with caution.  A drop from this height, on the other hand, would be deadly.  I squinted at Max.  Not even the Dauntless would be crazy enough to sentence their initiates to certain death.  They wouldn't make us just if there isn't something to catch us.

Goosebumps erupted on my skin as I began to walk forward.  Before I could separate from the crowd, an arm clothed in grey shoved me back. The Stiff walked down the aisle.  My mouth hung open as I watched her step onto the ledge. She wasted a lot of time peering down at a gaping hole in the roof of the neighbouring building.  The entrance.  She undid the buttons of her overly modest grey cardigan and shrugged it off to make a statement.  I was not fond of her, but the way she bunched up the garment and whipped it in Peter's face earned her a shrivel of respect.  The catcalls that whistled from around us only made the girl hesitate more.  She would be a pain to deal with.  After an eternity, she stepped forward and disappeared into the hole.

This time, I bolted to the ledge before anyone could pull me back again.  

"Woah, there."  Max reached out to stop me from jumping off too soon.  "I saw that shove," he murmured, "and as much as I want to let you, I have to stop you from falling onto her.  She would break."  His feet played an unfamiliar rhythm as silence followed.  Finally, someone hollered.

"First jumper: Tris!"  Max let me go.  I didn't bother to take part in Tris' applause.  With a running start, I jumped.  I fell.  Before I could die, though, I was caught in a net.  Just like I thought.  A rough hand extended out towards me.  When I took it, it led me to tall boy, only about two or three years older than me.  The softness of his deep blue eyes didn't match his roughened exterior.

"What's your name?"

"Jax," I say.  He offered me a smile.

"Second jumper – Jax!" I heard cheering and whooping again, but this time it came from both the roof and the rest of the compound. Rowdiness was their way of showing support.  If it would always be like that, I thought maybe things would turn out okay.  The boy ushered me away from the net towards where Tris stood.  A flash of black and white flew down into the net, followed by her ear-splitting shrieks.

"Welcome to Dauntless."