Seven Devils

~ Chapter 20 ~

Broken.

Alone.

Numb.

This is the one-hundredth time I've felt this way.

Used.

Manipulated.

Weak.

Like the first time I was abused.

Helpless...

Lost...

Drained.

Valen... I can't bear to utter his name. Valen broke me. Valen destroyed me. Valen wants nothing to do with me anymore. And you can't live with that. I gave him everything! He can't just leave me! Well, he did. Now get dressed and go to class. I'm sure he's not grieving over you. You're right. I've been through this god knows how many times. I can do this. I've thought, and I've come to a conclusion. It's time to move on.

I got out of bed. God, I know you reek. I know I do too. I hadn't seen Valen in over a week. I've been starving myself for more than. I haven't seen the Devils in forever. I had myself cooped up in my room because I was dying of heartbreak. It hurt so bad that not even Tempest could help me recover. Why did we ever agree to mull this over? Your guess is as good as mine.

I grabbed my necessities and headed to the showers. Breakfast had started a while ago so I knew the showers were empty. Good, now you can cry all you'd like and not worry about who watches. Because you clearly can't be caught crying in public. You'd lose all of your respect. My conscious was right. I couldn't afford to breakdown in public. I had to be strong. I had to show Valen that I wasn't hurt, that I'm not hurt. I had to show Tempest I was strong. I had to show the Devils that I was better than what Valen made me out to be.

I took a long shower and then headed back to my dorm. I got dressed at a steady pace. My face was dull and impassive. I was cold and angry. I pulled my socks on and then my shoes. I had taken the time to straighten my hair before I left, and then began my journey to the cafeteria.

My heart thumped in my chest louder and louder as I reached the cafeteria. What was I gonna do when I saw him? Roll my eyes? Glare? Snort and flick him off? What? I don't know. I'll be myself. I arrived at the entrance and everyone dropped to their knees. I took a deep breath and entered slowly, my shoes were the only noise in the silenced cafeteria. Then on cue, each Devil turned and looked my way except Valen. I was pissed. Boy, I was pissed. But I was grateful he didn't look up, I would've crumbled at his blue gaze. Any other time he'd be watching you. What's so different now?

I made a turn for the table but quickly thought against it. I sat at an empty table and looked at everyone who had kneeled.

"Rise," I said dryly. They all looked in my direction then at the Devils and began whispering amongst themselves.

"Zelda," I heard Vikos call from the distance. "Come to me."

"Zelda," Sven begged. "Don't go."

I winced and looked down at the table. Great, this is what I forgot to predict. Now that I'm back I'm neutral. This is what Blake wanted. He knew that Humans had weak will. All he had to do was break me down a little more and there I'd be at his beck and call. I looked up at Blake and his group then turned to the table with the Devils. My gaze rested on Valen who snickered as he met my eyes. And the Real Valen is back.

Then just like that, my heart crumbled all over again. I felt all the breath rush out of my lungs. My scalp prickled, my eyes burned and blurred. I gasped for air and quickly rose to my feet. You're not over him. Even after all this time and Tempest, you're still not over him. Everyone fell to the floor but they were the least of my concerns. I quickly rushed out of the room before I was able to shed a single tear. I couldn't do it. I couldn't see the carelessness on his face. I couldn't see how he wasn't heartbroken. I couldn't see him so heartless. I ran all the way back to my dorm and to my bedroom where I sobbed into my bed sheets. This is endless. I kicked my shoes off and curled into a ball. Valen's destroyed me. And he doesn't even care.