Begin Again

We end up hanging out in the private room of the hotel's restaurant, just drinking and celebrating.

"Two beers max!" I say loudly but they pretty much ignore me. "Brilliant" I mutter to myself. I get to deal with a bunch of hungover players tomorrow.

"Liv do you want to play strip poker?" Basti asks hugging me from behind.

"Obviously, it would be a dream come true" I say sarcastically.

"Well then come on..." he says.

"How much did you already drink?" I ask him looking over my shoulder.

"One beer" he says. "And a few more" he adds when he sees my expression.

"That's what I thought..." I sigh. "Either you lay off the drinks for tonight or it is curfew for you"

"Curfew??? And how do you think that would work?" he asks me laughing.

"I'd take you up and lock you in your room" I smile at him.

"Fine, I stop drinking" he says and hands the beer that he was holding to Thomas who just chugs it down, without thinking.

I start walking around until I find Lisa talking to some of the other WAGs with a bored look on her face.

"Hey Lisa, can you help me with something?" I ask kindly and she happily replies with a yes.

"Thanks Liv. I thought I would die of boredom. All they talk about is fashion and makeup!" she groans.

"Well I actually needed you though... Thomas is pretty much as pissed as one can get" I explain.

"Pissed?" she asks confused.

"Drunk, sorry. It's the bloody British slang..."

"Oh, okay. I'll find him and take him upstairs. See you tomorrow" she says to me then walks off to find Thomas.

"Hey Liv can we please talk?" asks someone grabbing my arm. I turn around and see Mats there.

"Here?" I ask confused.

"Your room?" he asks back. Like hell is he going to come in my room. 

"Balcony it is" I say and we walk out on the balcony that opens from the dining room. "What do you want?"

"I just want to say that I's sorry. I was an asshole" he starts.

"Yes you were. You always are" I comment.

"No I'm not... I can be nice" he says getting a bit upset.

"You've never been nice to me"

"Yes I have! I watched Gilmore Girls with you!"

"I am talking about general niceness, not about something that every half-decent boyfriend would do!"

"Only you could come up with things like general niceness..." he mutters angrily.

"What do you mean by that?" I ask angrily.

"You act like you are better than I am"

"Well maybe I am" I reply annoyed.

"Why would you be better?" he asks also annoyed.

"Well maybe because I'd never even consider breaking up with someone in TEXT" I say emphasising the word 'text'. "You are never nice!"

"I am now. I'm apologising"

"That's not nice that is just a social norm! You screw something up then you apologise and try to fix it. That doesn't make you nice." I reply angrily.

"Fine then I won't apologise"

"Then you prove that you really are an asshole all the time" I give him a fake smile.

"What do you want Liv?" he asks desperately, putting his anger aside.

"I don't know" I blurt out. "I don't bloody know! Do you remember when you asked me what my biggest flaw was?" I ask him and when he nods I continue. "Well it's that I get attached way too easily which also means that I get hurt. A lot."

"What are you trying to say?" he asks confused.

"That I got attached to you and then you dumped me just like everyone else in my life. And I'm getting sick of it. I'm getting really sick of it... Normally I'd just tell you to get out and never even come near me again, but that is impossible, so I don't know what I want... Oh wait, I do know what I want! I want a bloody relationship with someone who cares and actually shows it. But that is also impossible, since I was basically banned from seeing last guy who tried..." I laugh hysterically. Then I take a few deep breaths and continue calmer.

"Whatever. This conversation is over. You might want to tell your girlfriend that she really shouldn't even be drinking alcohol, let alone get drunk when she is pregnant!" I say harshly and then walk back in. Without talking to anyone I just cross the room and I head towards my room.

As I'm turning in the corridors I suddenly bump into someone.

"Shit!" I says.

"Merde!" a familiar voice says at the same time as me. I look up and see the last person I expected to see tonight.

"Anto?" I ask surprised.