Battle Scars - Lams

Hamilton laid on his bed at 3 am. Oh, 3 am. Supposedly the time when all the evil spirits or other things like that came out.

He wasn't going to disagree with that, because usually at 3 am he felt the shittiest. Mostly he felt like he didn't deserve to be there.

When he thought about it, he probably didn't deserve to be alive. Two times he had escaped death and he couldn't help but think that he was supposed to die.

When he felt like this, he wanted to study to get his mind off it, but today, he couldn't.

He had most likely hurt Laurens because he couldn't deal with knowing that they had been friends.

He was so fucking childish. He hated himself for acting so disgusting towards Laurens.

He really didn't deserve him at all. All Hamilton ever did was hurt Laurens repeatedly. It wasn't worth it. It wasn't worth putting him through all this pain.

He just wanted to stop, but no matter what, he couldn't. It just never happened. He stayed the same, an ignorant piece of shit who always hurt people.

He hated himself for it. Fuck, he hated himself for everything he had done.

He sighed, squeezing his eyes shut. He wanted to disappear. Then he could stop causing so much pain. Everyone could be happy, no, would be happy.

Maybe if he wasn't there it would all be better?

Hamilton didn't know what to feel. It was like he didn't feel anything at that moment. He just wanted to be happy.

He just wanted to be loved. He wanted to love someone who loved him back. He wanted to feel needed, cared about.

But he didn't.

* * *

3 am. Laurens sighed, sitting next to Seabury.

"I don't get it. No matter what I do, it always ends up wrong. Am I just destined to hurt people?"

"Laurens, no. You're an amazing person, Hamilton is just a dick head. You need to get that in your head."

"I know but everything's been so hard lately. Everyday I just feel like crying."

"Well if you need to cry, then cry. No ones going to judge you, and it'll make you feel better."

Laurens nodded his head and sighed softly, "I just can't believe I'm in love with someone who's put me in so much pain."

"I don't understand it either to be honest, but you love who you love. I mean, you could maybe even make him a better person if you confess?"

Laurens laughed weakly, "Yeah right. All I ever do is mess up people."

"No. You don't. Not at all, alright? Name three times when you've messed someone up."

"Uh, Hamilton probably, and..."

Laurens trailed off, trying to think back to maybe when he was younger.

The it hit him.

It finally sunk in.

"Seabury I'm going to fucking yell."

"What? What is it?"

"Me and Hamilton used to be friends when we were younger. How could I not remember?"

"Woah really? Dude that's interesting."

"I can't fucking believe it. I said I wouldn't forget him but I did. I feel so bad."

"Don't feel bad. It's nothing to feel bad about."

"I need to tell him. Oh my god I need to talk to him. Seabury I have to go right now."

"Okay? Make sure not to get hurt and be careful. Come back soon."

"Bye."

* * *

Laurens gripped Hamilton tightly. He couldn't believe it. He couldn't.

"You're going forever? You're going to be gone forever."

"Not forever! Just for a little bit, okay? I'll be back soon."

"I don't want you to leave. I like you so much Ham!"

"I like you too Jacky, but I gotta go."

Laurens buried his head into Hamilton's shoulder. No no no. He can't do this. He doesn't want him to leave."

"Jacky, I'll always remember you, okay? I'll never forget anything about you."

"Really?"

"Really."

"I'll never forget you either! I promise!"

"I'm gonna miss you so much though."

"Me too. Do you gotta leave."

"Yes, I told you before, I gotta. I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

* * *

Yikes.

I haven't updated in forever.

Also I have no idea where I'm going with this story I'll just go with the flow.

Also it's late so sorry for mistakes or anything lmao

Ily xoxo