vlog thy thoughts

I was never the best person in dealing with shits. I have problems with gaining and maintaining confidence. One offensive remark, even given with the intention of being a "joke", can easily destroy the confidence I have built. I hate that about myself.

I am always the type of person who gives advice to people who feel down. I always try to lift people's spirit up. I don't like hearing people talking about how shitty their life are or how shitty they are as a person. I don't like seeing people see themselves the way I do to myself because, clearly, it isn't the best thing to do. I know that shit so damn well - a shit I can't find the way to dismiss.

Don't you just hate it when people step onto your confidence right when you were just starting to build it up? Oh, let me rephrase that, - That's really fucked up. It's one of the worst things to happen to a person who has struggles in gaining confidence and self-esteem like me. I felt that again today.

To people who do the exact, horrible thing, just know that you are a very insensitive person. Let me drop it down for you why: Not all jokes you drop are funny. People may laugh at it, yes. But if they do, it can either just because they do not know how to react so they just laughed it out since it was supposed to be a "joke" even if they know it was offensive or they're just as douchebag as you are. Judging a person is never cool. Yeah sure, you and your friends have something or someone to talk and laugh about, that's cool. But not that kind of cool. You do not exactly know what that person experiences in his life everyday; you surely do not have any idea of what that person goes through everyday. You have no idea of how he gets to live. You do not have any idea on how hard it is for him to get that one thing he has that you are making fun of or how hard it is for him to face you and the rest of your gang everyday. You do not know a thing at all so do not judge. ONE HORRIBLE JOKE MIGHT JUST BE THE CAUSE OF ONE PERSON'S DEATH. YOU WILL NEVER KNOW UNTIL YOU HEAR THE NEWS ABOUT HIM JUMPING OFF FROM A ROOFTOP OR SOMETHING. YOU CAN NEVER TAKE HIS LIFE BACK.

Life tip to those kind of people: Put yourself on the shoes of those people. If someone does that to you, what would you feel? Be sensitive. Know when a joke isn't funny anymore. Know when talking city flames should stop. Lastly, KNOW HOW TO SAY SORRY. SAYING SORRY TAKES NOTHING FROM YOU; SAY SORRY AND YOU'D STILL BE ABLE TO BREATHE OXYGEN RIGHT AFTER. I have to admit, I am not perfect. I may have done these too. But now, I am trying my best to become a better person. Boy, why don't you do it with me, yeah?

And to that person who goes through this same shit, be strong. Always remember to choose Life over everything. God didn't give you that life to end it just because of some shit that will eventually pass. There's a lot more good things in this world that's waiting for you. Live the life you want. Wear the clothes you want. Be yourself. Do not be afraid to be different. We weren't made to be the exact same replica of some famous girl in our school. Do your thing. Figure out what makes you you. If you hear someone say that you look like a 40-year old stressed mother in a body of a 17-year old 11th grader, ignore them. Damn girl, looks can be improved but there was never a surgery for an ugly attitude. Have you heard one? Definitely not. And lastly, always choose to be the better person in any way.

Now, do you still remember this "I don't like seeing people see themselves the way I do to myself because, clearly, it isn't the best thing to do. I know that shit damn well - a shit I can't find the way to dismiss?" I hate myself for being like this. Can you do me a favor? Let's do this together. I don't want to be that kind of person anymore. I don't know if I can. I'm afraid to do so. I don't like saying promises when I am not sure if I could keep it. But, I'm going to try. There will always be people who may unintentionally attempt to drag our confidence, esteem, and courage down. It's okay to be sad when that time comes; it's okay to feel down. It's okay to feel like giving up. What's not okay is to go with these feelings after we grieve over our burned down towers. If there's a time that we shouldn't go with what we feel, this is that time. Let's do ourselves a favor and be the smartest that we can be and think positively.

Can I ask another favor? If that time comes wherein I forget all these things I've written and I'm being the down person that I am, would you please remind me of all these? 'Cause you know what I hate about myself, right?

>>>>>>

// sorry for any typos or grammatical errors //