Forever and a Half || Michael Jackson

*Creeps in out of nowhere* Boom. A random update. Surprise, little ones. ;)

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Chapter forty-three – Perfect

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-November 15, 1987-

Nine days after the little visit to father's, our conversations are still all about Marco. This whole ordeal of living in fear of him coming back is taking its toll on us now; even I – the more chilled of us all – am becoming more stressed over it all. Michael's starting to notice that change in me, too. But he's unable to do anything about it, because he's feeling the exact same way.

Neither of us know what to do about it. We've thought about selling both my house, and father's, then just buying one larger one some place else – but Reiss pointed out that it would take too long, and Marco would be back before it happened.

The police haven't given us any other information regarding the investigation – they just keep telling us that they're trying to track Marco down for questioning. According to Reiss, they know he's in England, so perhaps they're trying to track his passport; or they've got their own search team in the UK to find him.

It doesn't help with the grief of having no mother, either. Lately I've really started missing her, and it's been affecting my everyday life, I suppose. I just try not to show it, because Michael's loss is much bigger, and tougher to deal with. I've lost less than him, so I shouldn't be complaining when I have more left than he does.

Michael is inside the house at the moment – what he's doing, I'm unsure on. But I'm in the garden, doing that thing Michael does when he talks to his family. In other words, I'm sat against the trunk of the tree, looking up whilst I speak to mother. It makes me feel better sometimes; but other times, it makes my heart hurt even more.

"Things have started getting so difficult, mother ... " I explain. Feeling the need to elaborate, I continue talking. "Uncle Marco is in England right now, but I know he's going to come back. I'm so worried about father. He's the weakest out of all of us, so Marco could easily strike at him first. I know daddy won't trust him; but it's not the trust that could harm him – Marco is a powerful man, and ... and father isn't. Marco could do anything to him, and he'd be defenceless. I'm scared, mom ... "

A soft breath exhales from my nose, taking on the form of a sigh. My eyes move downwards, as my fingers gently start messing with the grass beneath me. "That's why I want to get out of this place. I'm worried he'll come back and get us. Clover is in so much danger, and Reiss is, too. But my father is the vulnerable one; at least the others can defend themselves ... "

My brows furrow lightly as I look back up, leaning my head against the trunk of the tree. "And I just really miss you right now. The past few months have been nothing but struggle. I need your guidance, and your support. It just ... " Tears form in my eyes before I can finish my sentence; blinking some back, I attempt to speak again. "It just ... hurts ... " My words come out as nothing more than sobs of emotional agony.

My head falls into my hands, as I draw my knees up to my chest and embrace them. My head falls into my lap, so that I'm in a ball, and I start to cry loudly. It's not often I have an outburst like this, but the past couple months have really tested my patience and sanity.

And so I sit, for a few minutes, simply crying. Just shedding tears for my loss, and my worry, and my fear, and every negative thought I have. I have more to cry about than I first thought ...