"How often have you done this?" Dan asks, shifting nervously as he catches sight of the lube in Phil's hand.
"A few times." Phil blushes. "Well, I'm experienced, let's put it that way."
But Dan's still restless and tense, so he keeps talking. "Do you um – do you normally top or bottom?" he asks nervously, embarrassed at how high his voice has gotten.
Phil smooths a hand down Dan's flank, which instantly calms him. He takes a deep breath as Phil says, "I usually top, but I've bottomed before." He frowns and leans down to kiss Dan gently. "Dan, if you don't want to do this-"
"No!" Dan kisses him back quickly. "I do. I do want to do this. I'm just – nervous, is all. I'm just glad you know what you're doing. I trust you."
"Okay," Phil says, a little doubtfully. "You have to tell me if it hurts, okay? It might a bit at first, but I don't want to hurt you any more than it has to. That's not the point. So uh – safeword, maybe?"
"Ow?" Dan suggests.
Phil laughs. Secretly, Dan thinks he's not going to need the safeword. He doesn't know how he ended up with Phil, who's so caring and gentle that Dan sometimes feels as if he's actually made of glass and he's the only one who doesn't know it. Phil treats him like he's an invaluable treasure. Dan's not used to that.
"It might be cold, okay?" Phil asks, drawing Dan back to the present with a hand on his thigh.
"Okay," Dan says, trying to relax. The muscles in his legs are bunched up with nerves – even he can see them from his vantage point. If he doesn't relax it's going to hurt more. He knows that, but somehow reminding himself of it isn't helping.
Phil's finger circles his entrance, and Dan relaxes like a puppet with its strings cut, a soft gasp exiting his lips. He notices Phil's finger slipping inside him in the same way he might notice a needle – it only hurts in the first few seconds, and then it doesn't feel like much of anything at all. He squirms.
"When does this start to feel good?"
"Be patient, Dan," Phil chastises him.
Dan huffs. "Fine."
"So you're a bossy bottom," Phil teases.
Dan's about to respond, but Phil crooks his finger and Dan sees stars. He whines, his toes curling of their own accord, legs lifting off the mattress a little. "What was that?" he pants, his body still ringing with pleasure.
"That was your prostate. Found it!" Phil says with childlike glee.
"So glad you – oh, Jesus, Phil." Dan pushes back against Phil's hand, grabbing at the sheets underneath him. "Whatever it is you're doing, keep doing it."
Phil leans down to kiss him, and Dan wraps his arms around Phil's shoulders. Before he knows it, he's rolling his pelvis up into Phil's, seeking the friction of his stomach. He's hyper-aware of his body, of every line and rib and muscle, gently heaving and moving in time with Phil's. It's beautiful. This isn't just sex. It's love.
Dan doesn't want to cry. If he does Phil is going to think he's in pain, and he's not. He's just in love.
He hisses as Phil begins to insert another finger. His muscles bunch again. It hurts this time, more honestly, and he feels his eyes sting a bit. He clings to Phil's shoulders, and he's about to open his mouth, to tell Phil it hurts, but Phil seems to know instinctively, because he stops.
"It's okay, Dan." Phil showers his face with kisses and strokes his hair back from his forehead. "It'll feel better soon."
"It feels really big," Dan says nervously, wriggling a little bit.
Phil kisses his nose. "It always does the first time. Just give yourself time to adjust. If you think it's too much, we'll stop."
Dan might be bottoming, but the ball is in his court, and he's in control of the situation. He relaxes slightly – it's hard not to with Phil's free hand running soothingly up and down his thigh, from hip to knee and back again.
"So," Phil says, and Dan opens his eyes. Phil is smiling at him, but there's worry in his eyes. "Next "Phil Is Not On Fire" video. When are we going to start filming it?"
Dan stares at Phil. "You really want to talk about this now?"
Phil laughs, apparently reassured by Dan's cynicism. "Not really. I'm just trying to calm you down, is all. Your heart's beating really fast."
Dan hadn't noticed, but Phil's right. He takes a deep breath. "Sorry," he says. "I'm not – I'm not really scared, just-"
"Nervous," Phil finishes for him, kissing his nose. "I know. It's okay, just take your time."
The burning has eased, so Dan nods at Phil. Phil slides his fingers in gently, and it doesn't hurt, not really. It feels foreign, strange, but not necessarily bad or good. He winces a little when Phil scissors them a bit, but after a few times that feels fine, too.
"Is this okay?"
"Yeah. It doesn't hur-"
His voice is cut off by an embarrassingly high-pitched sigh as Phil finds his prostate again. Dan's body is thrumming with energy, his cock standing attention, his body covered with a thin sheen of sweat. The girth of Phil's fingers, combined with his index finger stroking Dan's prostate, has Dan in a world of pleasure.
"Good?" Phil says, and Dan can hear the teasing note in his voice.
"Yeah," Dan chokes. "Yeah, that's really good."
Phil continues like that for a while, kissing Dan's neck and collarbones, stretching him more. By the time Phil removes his fingers and slicks up a third, Dan is almost boneless, so relaxed he's not sure how he's not part of the mattress.
"Okay." Even Phil looks a little nervous now. "Just – if this is too much, you have to tell me, okay? I don't want to hurt you. Ever."
"I'll tell you, Phil," he promises.
Phil takes a breath and slides his three fingers into Dan. He must have done a good job with two, because Dan doesn't really feel much at all.
"That's okay?" Phil asks dubiously.
"Yeah. It doesn't hurt." Dan pulls Phil down by the back of his neck and kisses him gently. "You're doing a great job, Phil," he murmurs.
"Aren't I supposed to be telling you that?" Phil asks.
It occurs to Dan that it's probably more nerve-wracking for Phil than it is for him. Phil might know what he's doing, but he's scared of making it bad – scared of hurting Dan when it's meant to feel good, scared of making his first time horrible.
Phil stretches him for a while, and Dan's body rolls lazily into his. He's relaxed, he's calm, he feels fine. That is until Phil pulls his fingers out and says uncertainly, "Are you ready?"
Dan's jolted out of his peaceful mindset and looks down. Phil's dick is maybe a little larger than average, but definitely not the twelve inches that fangirls everywhere speculate over. He swallows and opens his mouth.
"Dan," Phil breathes, pushing his hair back. "We don't have to. This is meant to be good for both of us, but especially you. I don't want you to do something you aren't ready for, okay? It's up to you. It's your decision."
Dan chews his lip, and then his thumbnail, staring up at the ceiling. Phil remains silent for almost a minute, still stroking his side, and then says hesitantly, "What're you thinking about, Bear?"
Bear. The name relaxes him slightly. "I want to," Dan says. "I'm just scared of the pain is all. You know I'm not very good with pain."
Phil kisses him. "I know."
There's a long pause, and then Dan says, "Safeword is ow?"
"Safeword is ow, however unoriginal that may be," Phil says, smiling kindly at him. he reaches over to the bedside table and picks up a condom.
Dan reaches up and takes Phil's wrist. "Wait," he says. "I want to."
"Okay," Phil murmurs.
Dan takes the condom and rips it open with his teeth, something, at least, that he has experience in. Then he begins to roll it down over Phil's dick. Hearing Phil's soft gasp of pleasure, watching his shoulders slump, his head dip, is what makes Dan certain that he wants to do this.
Once it's on, Phil slicks himself up with a generous amount of lube and stares down at Dan. "Are you ready?"
"Ready as I'll ever be to have buttsex with my best friend."
Phil smiles at him, apparently comforted by the joking. That's the idea. "Alright," he says. He takes Dan's left hand in his and says, "Tell me if it's too much."
"I will," Dan says. He's tense again – Phil must feel it, because even Dan can, the bunched, tight muscles of his legs and back making it hard to breathe.
Phil squeezes his hand and begins to push in. Dan's eyes widen a little bit at the intrusion, which hurts enough for him to say to Phil, "Stop, stop, wait."
"Do you want me to-"
"No, stay, just – don't move."
Phil waits. Dan slings his arm around Phil's neck, aligning his forearm with Phil's spine and holding his head, tucking his own into Phil's shoulder so he can't see that there are tears gathering in Dan's eyes.
After a moment, he remembers to breathe, and says, "You can move now."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah. Go slow."
Phil gets about halfway in before Dan's begging him to stop again. He presses the heels of his hands to his eyes, frustrated. He's not sure if the tears are from pain, embarrassment, or frustration – probably a combination of the three.
"Dan," Phil says. He sounds guilty. "Maybe we shouldn't..."
"I want to, though, Phil," Dan says desperately.
"Okay," Phil agrees easily. He leans down and kisses Dan briefly, then looks into his eyes. "Just breathe, okay? Just breathe."
It's easier to do with Phil encouraging him. Dan takes a deep breath, holds it in, and then lets it out. Phil leans down and kisses him. Dan's aware of Phil sliding into his body, but it doesn't hurt as much anymore, not with Phil's lips gentle on his and his hand pressing against Dan's ribcage.
"You're doing so well, Dan," Phil murmurs. Dan sighs and presses his stomach and chest up into Phil's, relaxed now that he knows Phil is all the way inside him. He presses lazy, open-mouthed kisses to the parts of Phil he can reach and runs hands down his back and shoulders, tracing the muscle there.
"I never thought you'd be like this in bed," Phil murmurs.
"Hmm?"
"You're just not that touchy-feely normally. It's nice. I like it." Phil kisses him.
Dan sighs again. Phil pulls out and then gently pushes back in, starting a rocking motion. Dan wraps his legs around Phil's waist, digging his heels into the small of Phil's back.
"S'nice," he murmurs.
Phil changes the angle, and Dan sees stars abruptly. His body tenses, wired like a coiled spring ready to be let off.
"Oh God, shit, Phil-"
"What, what, are you okay?"
"I think you hit it again," Dan gasps, pushing back against Phil. "Keep moving."
"I thought you were in pain, you spoon," Phil murmurs, smiling. He picks up some speed, hitting that spot every time.
Sweat rolls down the sides of Dan's body, down the sides of his face. He can feel it start to form on his forearms and even his collarbones; he buries his face into Phil's shoulder and gasps, his mouth open.
"Jesus, Phil."
"Good?" Phil pants. It's the first sign Dan's gotten of Phil finally becoming unravelled.
"Great," Dan murmurs back.
Phil kisses him, hungrily this time, using one hand to fist Dan's hair. Dan's hand travels mindlessly to his cock, where he starts up a rhythm with Phil's thrusts. He's had sex before, but he's never been on this side.
Phil moves down to his neck and bites it.
Dan comes with a shout, surprising himself but apparently not Phil. He smooths his hands over Phil's back as Phil buries his face in Dan's neck, panting.
He thrusts four, five more times before he comes as well, jerking and thrusting into Dan until he's ridden out the aftershocks of his orgasm. Slowly, he relaxes. Dan's arms welcome him down onto his body.
Dan drops his legs slowly from around Phil's body, curling his feet with Phil's and hugging his shoulders. He presses a kiss to Phil's temple.
After a few moments, Phil moves, pulling out of Dan gently. Dan still winces, but he fully expected to be sore. Phil grabs the washcloth he'd left on the side table and wipes down Dan's face and chest first, then his stomach. Dan shuts his eyes sleepily, letting Phil take care of him. He feels Phil pull a blanket up over them, and then a hand lands in his hair. Phil's thumb strokes his forehead, right where his natural part would sit, smoothing the hairs there.
"Dan?" he asks softly.
Dan opens his eyes. Phil is looking at him with such love in his expression that Dan pulls Phil onto his body, their chests touching. Phil relaxes.
"How're you feeling?" he asks hesitantly.
Dan squeezes as much as he has the strength to. "I love you," he replies sleepily.
Phil smiles against his neck. "I love you too."
