Colour of Despair {Les Miserables}

Living in Montfermiel was not an easy task. The people living there were poor because of Frances bankruptcy. Many women were forced to work at the docks, in order to provide for their families.

We were lucky to live in the Inn, for it meant we got money. Felix charged twice as much for a room than most other innkeeper's would. However, here never was enough money. He would spend it all on whatever he pleased, be it drink or some other useless item. As a result, there was never enough food.

There was an old apple tree in the garden, but it only have us fruit in the summer months. In the winter, I would do my best to scrape together some money and buy two loaves of bread every week, a total of fifteen sous. But if we didn't have enough money, I would give any food I had to Eponine. She was too young to know of the hunger pains that came with not eating. But when the other child came, we barely had anything.

Everyday, we got two bottles of milk delivered to the inn. One of these we had to give to Azelma, the other was used in the dinner we served to our guests.

It broke my heart as I watched Eponine get so thin. By the time she was five, she looked like a three year old. She was established very pretty child, but a lack of food can do things to a person's beauty. Her cheeks always looked hollow and her waist was the size of a man's hand. But her eyes always stayed beautiful.

She looked nothing like either parent, but she had the same features as my late mother, with her long brown hair and her chocolate coloured eyes. They shimmered with the innocence of childhood, a rare gift that I hoped would last forever. I knew that one day she would make men fall at her very feet. But with a surname like Thenardier, no one would approach her with a mile long stick, regardless of her beauty. She had no friends in the world. She preferred to stay in my company.

She was raised, as Felix demanded, believing that Azelma was her sister. She shered all of her toys and would play outside, usually helping Zelma climb a tree, or play jump rope in the sand. But her relationship with her father never changed.

If he was in a room, she usually wasn't. Every time he said her name, she would flinch, as if he'd just stabbed her.

He doted Azelma though, always giving her nice clothes and enough food to satisfy her hunger. The outfits I bought for Eponine always ended up on Azelma at some point. I kept the dress I had given her for her birthday. It still smelled like her and it was much too nice for Azelma.

Every evening, once Felix had taken Azelma, as promised, Eponine and I went for a nice walk through the village. I liked to get away from the inn as much as possible, often not returning until well into the night. Eponine liked the walks too. She hated the inn as much as I did. During the day, she would go outside, even at her young age, just to be away from the place.

She was and adventurous child and not much scared her. Azelma on the other hand, was useless. She clung to my leg all day long, never leaving the house unless someone was with her. If Eponine wanted to play in the forest, Zelma would complain that the leaves made funny noises, or it was too dark. Usually Eponine just went alone, but my idiot of a husband always scolded her for leaving Azelma alone. He never once hit Ponine until she was six.

The two girls had been playing near an old, dried up river bank. It had been raining that day and there was mud everywhere. Azelma slipped suddenly and grabbed Eponines skirt. Both girls went sliding down into the mucky bank, getting covered in dirt almost immediately. I had been standing close by and made sure that they were okay before taking them home again. But when Felix saw the state of them, he went into a fit of rage. Azelma started crying and claimed that it had been Eponines fault. I was just about ready to throw that child into the fire. Felix grabbed Eponine and gave her a hard whack around the head. Then, ignoring my protests, he sent her to the broom cupboard under the stairs and told her stay there or else he'd break her neck. At some point that night, I let her out again. She had a huge bruise on the side of her head, but she didn't shed a single tear. I didn't speak to Felix for a week, sleeping in Eponines room instead of our own.

I hated the way he treated her, as if he wasn't even related to her and she was just a stranger who had wandered in one day. Or perhaps he was getting her confused with Azelma.

I hated the life I was being forced to live. I tried to stay strong for Eponine, but even she could tell when I was upset. Every day she would say, "Mama, are you still hating everything?" To which I would reply, "I don't hate everything, because I don't hate you."

One day, when I was trying to put Eponine to bed, she sat up and told me that she wanted a new bedtime story. She didn't want to hear about a handsome prince saving a beautiful princess.

"You should make up a new one." She suggested.

"Alright, I'll tell a brand new story, just for you." I said. "Once upon a time, there was a very normal Princess, who lived in a small palace in a very small village. One day, she met a very handsome prince, who lived in a rather large castle. The princesses father said to her, 'you must marry this prince.' And so she did. However, the Prince was actually a terrifying ogre, who didn't even love the Princess."

"Keep going. What did the Princess do?" Eponine said.

"The Princess was very unhappy. She didn't like living in the ogres castle because it was dirty and smelly. One day, a very beautiful fairy appeared. This fairy promised never to leave the very sad Princess. She made the Princess happy again. But the ogre didn't like the fairy. He would hit her and shout at her. Bit the Princess always kept the fairy safe, no matter what."

"Why did the Princess keep the fairy safe?" Eponine asked.

"The Princess loved the fairy with all her heart and soul. She never wanted anything to happen to her." I replied.

"Do you love Azelma that much as well?"

"You're just full of questions tonight, aren't you darling?" I chuckled. "Now get some sleep or you'll be tired in the morning."

"Good night mama. I love you." She said. I kissed her head.

"I love you too, my darling." I whispered. I made my way over to the door, taking the candle with me.

Felix was standing in the corridor, holding a sleeping Azelma in his arms.

"How long have you been standing there for?" I asked.

"Long enough to hear your story." He said. I was surprised to hear no anger in his voice.

"Yes, well, Eponine wanted something new, so I told her a new story." I said, inching my way past him. He grabbed my arm.

"Is that really how you feel, Helena?" He asked. I hesitated slightly.

"Yes, most of the time it is." I sighed. He nodded, but said nothing else. He shifted Azelma in his arms and brought her into the bedroom, leaving me alone in a darkened corridor with my thoughts.