Something To Believe In *Murdoc x Reader*

You had been living with Noodle and the boys for two months, and had settled into a comfortable groove. You were currently bouncing ideas off of one another with Noodle for the new B sides album, occasionally being 2D's preview audience for new lyrics, and taking drum lessons from Russel.

You and Murdoc were doing surprisingly well. The two of you had challenged one another to have sex in every room of the house, your next target was the front hallway. He did go out occasionally, get too drunk, and lose all contact with you for the evening. But he always came home in one piece and not smelling like another woman. He may have still been a work in progress, but he had come a long way from how he used to be.

One night, Murdoc and 2D had gone out while you and Noodle stayed home to have a girls night. Russel was out with his girlfriend; he had started dating the woman he had been talking to that night at the R&B club. You and Noodle were curled up on the couch in a pile of blankets slurping pho, drinking whiskey, and watching Zombieland, having just finished Shaun of the Dead. You loved zombie movies, but preferred the silly ones to the scary ones. You had both seen Zombieland a dozen times, so you chatted off and on throughout the movie.

"I think you've really changed him for the better," Noodle said.

"I hope he doesn't change too much though," you countered, "He is who he is, at the end of the day, and if he changes too much, he won't be Murdoc anymore... Time to nut up or shut up!" you quoted the movie.

The two of you sat watching the movie until the front door violently flung open. You and Noodle jumped off the couch, and you rounded the corner first. You couldn't believe your eyes at the sight in front of you.

2D and Murdoc were stumbling in the door, both of them with giggling girls hanging off of them. You could tell they were all hammered by the alcohol smell radiating from them. The girl hanging off of Murdoc had bright red lipstick on, which had gotten smeared all over his jawline and neck, and his hair was ruffled all over the place.

As you stood there, you physically felt the anger rise up in you. They hadn't even noticed you and Noodle standing there yet. The girl nuzzled her face into Murdoc's neck, and that was it for you.

"MURDOC FAUST NICCALS, I SWEAR TO FUCKING SATAN," you roared, but not taking a step forward. Not yet.

Murdoc instantly made eye contact with you, and without breaking it he pushed the girl off of him and out the front door, slamming it behind her. He had a wide-eyed expression on his face.

"STUART POT GET THE FUCK UPSTAIRS. WHOEVER THAT IS CAN GO WITH YOU," you yelled. 2D and the girl scurried upstairs without a word.

"What the fuck, Murdoc?" you said, your ice cold tone of voice barely above a whisper as you slowly took purposeful steps closer to him. Noodle stood back, attentive, but letting you take the lead.

"2D...he needed a wingman..." he mumbled, swaying slightly.

Something came over you, and you screamed and attempted to launch yourself at Murdoc, but Noodle caught you and held you back. You hurled threats and obscenities at him.

"I WILL FUCKING DESTROY YOU! HOW DARE YOU DISRESPECT ME AND THIS HOUSE! THIS IS MY HOME NOW TOO!" you screamed, throwing the Satanic Rules of the Earth at him. Murdoc pressed his back to the front door and looked genuinely afraid. "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? I WOULDN'T BE HOME?! DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE COME NEAR ME, YOU DISGUST ME."

You continued to try to pull out of Noodle's grasp and get at Murdoc, but she was stronger than you were. She pulled you back towards the stairway, at which point you stopped screaming and started hysterically sobbing. She turned you around and led you up the stairs with one arm on your back, ensuring that you couldn't turn around and lunge at Murdoc, who hadn't moved from his spot against the door.

Noodle silently led you up the stairs and to her bedroom on the second floor. You flopped down on her Japanese style futon bed, buried your face in a pillow, and screamed at the top of your lungs. Noodle crawled up beside you and rubbed your back.

"That's something I wanted him to change!" you cried. Noodle didn't respond, but just kept rubbing your back, which was exactly what you needed right now. "What would he have done if we weren't here?! I can't believe he brought her home! That's not being a wingman! That's trying to get laid! And the marks all over his neck? SHE WAS ALL OVER HIM!" You escalated into hysterics and couldn't speak anymore.

You heard uneven steps coming up the stairs, and someone, presumably Murdoc, trying to open the door to Noodle's room, but she had locked it behind you.

"Go away, Murdoc! Or I'll send her out there with my Taser gun and let her have at you!" yelled Noodle. You heard footsteps shuffling away, and then it went silent.

You had given up on trying to process what just happened. You cried for a little while longer until you fell asleep, with Noodle soothingly stroking your hair.

When you woke up in the morning, Noodle was sprawled out asleep beside you, face pushed into her pillow. You carefully got up so that you wouldn't wake her, and tiptoed to the door and opened it. You almost tripped over Murdoc, who was curled up on the floor outside the door. He had showered at some point during the night, so at least he didn't have red lipstick all over him. Beside him was an almost empty rum bottle. He had obviously spent the night outside the door, drinking until he passed out. You gingerly stepped over him and walked upstairs to your bedroom. You changed your clothes and headed out for the day, leaving a quick note to Noodle on the dining room table letting her know you were going out for a while. You weren't sure where you were going to go, but you just wanted to be by yourself. You were mad at Murdoc, obviously. You were mad at 2D for letting whatever happened happen. You didn't want to burden Noodle any more than you already had. And Russel just wasn't involved. Being alone seemed like the best option.

You hopped on the subway and took the train into Manhattan. You wandered around the St. Marks Place neighborhood, your favorite area of Manhattan, then took the train up to Central Park. It was February, and quite cold, but it felt good to be outside by yourself, just wandering.

You had been gone for about 2 hours when your phone rang. You looked at the screen.

Mudsy.

"Nope," you said to yourself, hitting the ignore button, and you continued your walk.

Five minutes later it rang again. You picked it up this time.

"What?" you snapped hostilely.

"...Come home, luv? I need you here," asked Murdoc. He sounded horrific, like he was hungover and had been crying and was exhausted.

"No thanks. I'll come home when I feel like it. You had better start thinking of how you're going to fix this when I get back," you snapped, and you hung up the phone.

You wandered around the park for a little while longer, then decided it was time to head home and face the music.

You hopped back on the subway and headed back to Brooklyn, listening to The High Road by Broken Bells as you stared straight ahead of you on the train. You weren't sure what you were going to do or say when you got back. You still felt kind of numb. Murdoc was going to always be Murdoc. You couldn't change that about him. But you had also ended up falling in love with him for it, and you were going to have to take the bad with the good and figure out if you could get past this.

You walked up the steps of the brownstone, took a deep breath, and opened the door.