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youngjae

"here," i held out the ice pack in my hand to jinyoung who sat on my living room couch.

i can't believe the guy who's done some horrible shit is here, right now, in my house.

why did i even decide to help him? i don't know myself.

maybe it was because of the pity i felt for him. i couldn't just leave him there all hurt even if he had said some horrible shit to me.

he took the ice pack from my hand and placed it on one of his eyes, avoiding eye contact with me.

wow, a little 'thank you' isn't too much to ask for, but then again this is an awkward situation. having to be in the person you've been bullying's house.

i sat awkwardly on the couch that was facing opposite from him, "uh- do you..you know, need anything else?"

he shook his head no and continued to avoid eye contact with me, he seemed to be in deep thought.

"what are you thinking of right now?" i asked, expecting him to not respond, but instead he looked up at me and spoke, "why did you help me?"

his voice wasn't strong as it usually was, cockiness out of his tone and a small, frail voice replacing it.

i was taken aback by him suddenly answering me for a second before i regained myself and spoke, "i couldn't just leave you there.."

"i've said shit to you and you still helped me..what do you want?" his brows furrowed, a mixture of emotions all showing in his dark, hard eyes.

i quirked one brow up in confusion. what kind of question is that?

"what- what do you mean?"

"everyone does something for me if they want something from me, so what do you want?"

i shook my head side to side, "i don't want anythi-"

"that's a lie. you must want something from me, why else did you help me? i've been horrible to you and said some pretty fucked up shit and here you are, helping me," he blurts out, leaning in forward to keep a steady look on me.

"why did you help me? what do you want?" he whispers under his breath, his voice faltering, but not his gaze on me.

"i don't want anything from you. i just wanted to help, even if you said all of that shit to me, i still.."

"you still what?" he asks. "i still think you're a good guy." i finished.

he looked at me bewildered at my words. i myself don't know what i'm saying.

"a good guy? that's a first," he lets out a dry chuckle that ended shortly like when it first started, "how am i still a good guy to you?"

"well..i don't know how to explain it.." i mentally slapped myself at how stupid i sounded.

i really didn't know how to explain why i think he's still a good guy..i can't find the right words.

he shakes his head slightly at me and then the conversation dropped.

i couldn't bare to sit in the awkward tension in the air any longer so i decided to speak up to hopefully soothe it down.

"i've got a question," at that jinyoung's head peeked up a little and looked at me, humming for me to continue.

"were you and mark friends before?"

his body seemed to stiffen at the question. had i said something wrong?

jinyoung didn't answer, his eyes directed towards the floor again. "uh jinyoung?" i waved one hand in front of his face to try and grab his attention.

he shook his head lightly and looked up, "yes."

questions swirled around my head now. "..what happened?" i asked hesitantly, i hope i'm not pushing him to his point by asking questions like these.

"why do you want to know?"

"i helped you, come on," i begged.

he let's out a quiet sigh before speaking, "it's kind of a long story.."

"it's fine, go on," i assured.

he nods and shifts in his spot, "mark and i were friends, very close friends. i actually..had feelings for him and i told him one day. he told me he had feelings for me too."

"i've never really liked girls when i was younger which didn't worry me until i grew older. i knew i was gay, but i never told anyone even my parents. after our confessions we became a thing and dated, but not publicly."

"i never told my parents that i was gay because i knew what their reactions would be. they have stated plenty of times of how they hated gays and how sinful they're. one day my mother overheard mark and i talking, finding out that i was gay."

"once mark left the house my mother went straight to me and confronted me about it. i was horrified. she told me that i should end the relationship with mark or i'm not her son. she threatened me and told me to live somewhere else if i 'continued to act stupid.'"

"and so i broke up with mark..he asked why and i just said 'it just isn't working out, i'm sorry' he wasn't happy, and begged for me to rethink about my decision, but i said it was final."

"from then on i started to ignore mark, distancing myself from him. i knew if i continued to hangout with him i would miss being with him, in a relationship."

"i made new friends and he did too. when jackson first transferred mark was there for him and they just became so close after awhile which only made me burn with jealousy."

"i hated every second of having to see him with jackson, not being able to do anything about it sense we've cut all ties from each other."

"i know i broke it off, but..i had no choice okay? i didn't have any choice.."

tears escaped from his eyes and fell down his pale skin. i've never seen jinyoung cry before.

now that i do, he just looks like a scared boy who's lost. i did feel pity for him.

i sat in the empty space next to him and rubbed his back, trying to calm him down.

"i'm sorry..for everything i've done to you," he manages to say, looking up at me through tears.

"it's okay."