I roll over and click my phone, so it would display the time: 4:37 am. Why am I awake? The reality is that my mind will not stop running, loading the images that are trapped in my brain all day as if they are being uploaded into my long-term memory. I don't know why my brain does this and I'm not sure if everyone else's brain does the same but there is no way on earth I'm saying anything. People are too judgemental. Even though I hate that my brain never stops working I do enjoy this time of night. Sometimes it feels as though you're the only person in the world, that everyone else simply doesn't exist. On most nights like these I decide to embrace the moment. I wrestle out from beneath the covers of my bed pressed against the window, place my bare feet on the chilled window sill and carefully pull the latch on the frame. The stars are out tonight which makes the effort worth it, despite the clouds disrupting most of the constellations. I haul my body out of the window and whilst making sure my baggy pyjama bottoms don't get caught on the drain pipe like last time (would rather not show my bare ass to the world again) I manage to clamber onto the roof. It's a cold night, the type that feels as though it is cutting through your body when the wind blows. I can see the frost settled on the pavement outside, shimmering slightly. I take a seat in my usual spot, just at the side on the flat roof so that my legs dangle over the edge. And breathe. I've gotten really good at breathing. But being up here, where I'm not suppose to be makes it easier.
My mind shifts to the thought of school tomorrow, I don't think I can deal with a repeat of yesterday, of every day. So far, Y11 has probably been the worst year yet, and I've only spent 2 months in the experience of a lifetime. It's safe the say that not much happens in North Yorkshire and the people here aren't that much of a spectacle either. My family moved up here from Ireland when I was 10 – not much of an improvement I know – but after all, it's where my mother is from. She wanted me to 'experience what it was like for her growing up' so I was enrolled into the school she attended – Howardian Secondary. This is where I met the best and worst people in my life. There's Ella, currently boy obsessed and incredible egotistical. But she's also incredibly kind and loyal, we've been friends since the start. She walked into the changing rooms on the first day of first year, her once cropped blonde hair swinging just above her shoulders. In one motion she flung her gym kit down and simply blurted.
"I'm Ella, let's stick together yeah?" And that was it.
Then came Toby. Towards the end of the first half term of Y7 Ella and I were rushing to period 4 knowing that Miss Matthews was going to rip us to shreds for being late. But when we turned the last corner Toby was pressed against the science lockers by the infamous Danny Taylor. To cut the story shot, Ella lost it and that's how we became a three.
Unexpectantly, another gust of icy cold wind shudders through my hair making me squint. I decide I should probably head back in, after all the sun was starting to emerge and I had to go spend another day in the hell hole soon. Slowly I force myself off the tiles and shuffle my way back down to my window. The faint orange glow of dawn shoots across my window pane and into my room as I fasten the latch shut again. My feet feel numb with the cold, but I don't attempt to warm myself up. Instead I fall into bed with a sigh, stare up at the ceiling and my mind finally slows down.
