Counting Sheep

Chapter 37

He didn't dwell on it long.

He had fought the demons in his head for a long time and finally, they were completely and utterly...silent.

He knew now, something that he had wished he realized sooner when he had really needed it.

Everything happens for a reason.

Even the bad and horrible things.

He never would have met Layla or Hazel, he wouldn't have met all of these new people he knew he could call his friends...his family.

He didn't know why his mother's life had to be taken so soon and so viciously...but what he did know is that it was time to let go.

Truly let go.

All of these years he had been caught in that closet, scared and wondering when he could be out of the dark and he knew it was time to leave it behind once and for all. Not his mom, no.

She could never be left behind.

He was leaving behind the blood.

The memories of the screams of his mother, of Layla, of Hazel.

He was leaving behind the nightmares and the demons. But he was taking everything good that this house had offered him with him, because unlike that horrible last memory of his mother-of that night, it was something he should keep him with him.

He had kept the weight of something so large and so heavy on his shoulders for so many years, weight that wasn't his to keep or to hold.

He had gotten his revenge, yes.

The people who had hurt and harmed his mother and so many other lives in the making had gotten what they deserved. And while it was sweet for Julian...it was nowhere what he expected it to be.

There was a lot he still didn't understand, he knew that without a fact. But he didn't NEED to understand.

Life and all of its reasons and ways weren't for him to understand...well, not yet at least. He took in a deep breath, the scent of the moonflowers tickling his nose, raising his face to the sunset, teddy bear in his palms-so small compared to what he had remembered and his brow furrowed as he felt something shift within the teddy bear.

There had already been something inside, Daniel had stuffed a note meant to terrorize in it, but there was something else there that not even he had found...

Turning the teddy bear over in his hands, he pulled it inside out, grimacing when suddenly something fell out.

His heart stuttered as he looked at the piece of paper. It was small but only because it had been folded so many times and although wrinkled after he unfolded it, he could still see and read his mothers handwriting. He looked at the date scrawled neatly and beautifully in the corner.

The night before they were meant to run away...the night she was murdered.

He took in a deep breath and then, he read.

My Dear Sweet Julian,

Tonight, I stand above your bed, watching you sleep peacefully and my heart, although tattered and broken is full. For many years, I thought what I needed was a man in life to make me happy. I've dreamt of finding someone who will love me for an untold amount of time and I realize I already have that...and it's you.

My life has been difficult and I have had to do many things that I don't like to remember, but I do not regret a one of them, because...they brought me you.

You, Julian, are something amazing.

You have a heart that is so big for such a small body, a heart that already knows so much, such love and such kindness. I may not be able to say that I accomplished much in my life, but one thing that nobody can or will EVER take away from me is you...my greatest accomplishment.

My love. My true love.

It is odd...I feel a sense of freeness as of the past couple days. Which is funny, considering I found something out that should have broken my heart. But surprisingly, I don't feel sadness or regret.

Only freeness.

And joy. It's always joy with you, my sweet boy.

I feel as though I could die tomorrow and that I would be fine with it. Because I know that no matter what, you'll always be my boy.

My son.

I want to tell you one more thing before I go, who knows if you will ever find this note, but frankly I don't give a damn—I wanted to do it.

That one thing is cliché, yes, but so utterly true...be happy, my little Julian. I can tell you that there are many things in this life that can hurt, but there are just as many things to love and to make you feel happy-true happiness.

Can you think of that something? Right, this moment? Something, maybe someone-that makes you feel true love and true happiness?

Think of something, of anything and hold on to it, my dear boy, because I promise that in the end...things always work out the way they are supposed to.

That I promise you.

Now...enough of my rambling.

I love you, my baby boy. Always and forever, Momma.

Julian sobbed as he wiped at his face with the back of his hands.

A sudden gust of wind made a piece of his hair flutter against his face as the paper, too, fluttered in his hands. "I love you too, momma."

Getting up to go, he stopped dead and looked down. A ladybug sat on his knee and letting the little critter crawl onto his hand, he looked at it, found it was missing a wing and smiled.

"Well hi there. Been a long time...Lady."

**

Short and sweet but this chapter, I personally think is one of the most important. I really hope you enjoy and I PROMISE that I will be trying my hardest to get another one out for you guys super soon! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! VOTE. COMMENT. FOLLOW. SHARE. <3 -Hannah :)