This Life ? (J.C)

[-12-]

"Yeah," he nodded. "He doesn't remember what he did, but he knows he did something."

"Well if he wants to apologize I'm not too far away, he knows where to find me." Her jaw clenched, running out of things to keep occupied; the labels were now all facing the same direction.

"Wha- what did he mean by what he said, anyway? Do you," Ryan leaned in, closing the space between them with a whisper. "Do you cut yourself?"

Joy inhaled slowly, wishing more than anything that she could bluff her way out of this. "I- I... I have before, yes. What Jules was talking about though- I may have... tried committing suicide once." She hung her head, clearing her throat. When her eyes met Ryan's again, she was upset to see the horror in his face. "It was a long time ago. I told Julian in confidence. I didn't know it'd come back to bite me in the ass-"

Ryan wrapped his arms around Joy's body, pulling her close into his chest in a tight embrace. Her expression etched in confusion, lightly tapping Ryan's forearm. "You okay now?"

Joy slinked out of Ryan's grasp, her brows still meshed together in apprehension. "I've been okay for about five years now." She chuckled uneasily.

"You really gotta talk to Jules. He's pretty embarrassed, that's why he hasn't said anything."

"No one's told him what he said?"

"No." Ryan chuckled, dropping his arms from Joy's body. "I just need you to clear the air. You and Jules... we can cut the tension with a knife around you two. It's stressing everybody out."

Joy's eyes wavered to the sofa, seeing that she was the center of Julian's attention at the moment. She quickly averted her gaze, idly rearranging the beer bottles on the table... again.

She had been so consumed by trying to look busy she hadn't noticed Ryan's absence. Had she been aware of her surroundings, she would've seen Ryan talking to Julian—coaxing him in Joy's direction.

Joy saw a tall figure standing in her peripheral. She assumed it was Ryan, but when glancing over she nearly froze—it was Julian. She kept her eyes forward, going back to organizing the beer bottles.

Julian stepped closer—side stepping until his hip bumped into hers. She moved further down the length of the table, trying to avoid him. She knew what he was doing; Jules was trying to get her attention. She wasn't about to cave, she just moved further away.

Julian wasn't giving up, he continued to side step—bumping into her until he had her attention.

Goddamnit.

Joy was trying her best not to smile, but she couldn't control the corners of her lips tugging upwards at Julian's persistent gestures.

"Wha- what do you want?" She finally caved; giggling inward.

"You still mad at me?"

"I was never mad at you, just... disappointed."

He bit his bottom lip—his eyes vacant and dazed. "What'd I do? I mean, wha-wha-what did I say?"

Joy was shaking her head, looking at Julian with sad eyes. "Nothing. Let's just... pretend like it didn't happen."

"It's kinda hard to do when you're ignoring the shit outta me. Whatever I said, I'm sorry. I'm sure I didn't mean it."

Joy scoffed.

"What?" Julian's eyes narrowed, placing his hand on his hip. "What'd I say?"

"Nothing, Jules... let's just drop it."

"Did I call you a bitch or something? I didn't mean it, you're not a bitch, or a whore, or a... you're a bit of a killjoy for sure, but- you've got your moments."

"Jules," Joy gazed into his lost eyes. "Stop talking... please."

"That's it, isn't it? I called you bitch."

"Crazy. You called me crazy. Then had the gumption to announce my self inflicted scars to everyone."

Julian's face twisted with a cringe; covering his guilt stricken face with his hands. He groaned, releasing a heavy sigh that made his cheeks puff. He scratched the nape of his neck—clearly embarrassed by what he had said. "I'm sorry." He mumbled. "I wasn't thinking when I said it- I don't remember saying it."

"It's fine."

"No, it's not fine. I'm really sorry. Sincerely, from the bottom of my cold black heart," Julian took Joy's hand in his, placing her palm in the center of his chest. "I'm sorry. Forgive me... please?"

"You're forgiven." Joy spoke monotoned, ripping her hand out of Julian's clutch.

"Hey, wait-" Julian grabbed Joy's wrist again, pulling her into his chest. His hands moved to the sides of her face, cradling her head in his hands as his eyes darted along her features. "You gonna hangout with us tonight?"

"No, I'm gonna get some sleep, maybe call my mom or something." She spoke timidly as she pried Julian's dirty hands away from her face.

"Not gonna call your boyfriend?" Julian smiled; his doe eyes narrowing with a gleaming grin.

"You know I don't have a boyfriend." Joy scoffed, leaning back to break away from Julian's grasp. She could've sworn she saw a flicker of confusion flash across his face.

Calling her out in front of everyone about the scars on her body wasn't the only thing Jules didn't remember. He was still under the impression that Joy had a boyfriend—his mind not retaining anything from their spat on the bus just weeks before.

"You don't have a boyfriend? So... you lied to me?" Julian was laughing; clearly in disbelief. "Why would you lie about that?"

"You said that you knew I didn't have a boyfriend-"

"When did I say that?" He laughed deeply, moving his hand to the dip in her waist.

"You seriously don't remember anything, do you?"

Julian's smile faded, shaking his head as he sucked in a breath through pursed lips. "Nope." He laughed nervously. "I, uh- I really 
gotta stop mixing things. I'm sorry- Joy, I'm... I'm really sorry." Julian's face grew serious; his smiling eyes opening vacant and sad.

Joy forced her gaze away, remembering what Ryan had said.